The lesson I learned again—that you may want to tune into

2023 did not begin as I had expected.

I was looking forward to the fresh new year, and living with my newly-set intention to amplify many things in my life (which you may have seen in the post I sent last week, when I shared my carefully-chosen word for the year).

A big part of my intention was — and is — to amplify devotion to the wellbeing of my body. And tucked neatly into that intention was slowing down.

If you have read my book, or heard me speak, you know that the first chapter of my book is Slow Down and Be Still. I made that the first chapter intuitively. As time has passed I have come to understand that slowing down is the foundation for living big.

So, you would think I have that down.

But living that principle, consciously slowing down, has been a challenge for me. It’s something I need to return to time and again. This past year I pushed myself harder than was healthy, and so tucked tidily into my word of the year was a clear intention to slow down and give my physical wellbeing the reverence it deserves.

And when I awoke on January 1, ready to step over the threshold of a fresh new year, I was sick. Sick with COVID.

After 2 years and 10 months of vigilance, vaxed and boosted and cautiously wearing a mask every time I was out of my home, a highly-contagious variant snuck past my defenses.

I’ve had no choice but to slow down!

While the symptoms have been managed well with medicines on hand, I slept through the first 4 days, and have continued to be enormously tired.

 It feels as though the universe stepped in on day 1 of the new year to test my commitment to slowing down!

And a part of me feels grateful. 

I have proof now. It is possible to slow down and take care of my body. There are people who can help me in all sorts of ways. I feel sure I am doing as well as I am because I did not push myself or do too much. And I am deeply committed to honoring what my body needs.

The timing was also “perfect,” or as close to perfect as it could be.

Because I’d made plans to travel on January 17 — to Paris! My husband and I will live in Paris for a month, and we have been looking forward to the adventure for some time.

I am grateful that we have plenty of time to fully recover (yes, he came down with COVID two days after I did), and prepare for the trip without pushing ourselves.

In the long-run, the imposed “pause” of this illness will be only a small blip on a year filled with experiences to be savored and expansion of our hearts.

I invite you consider how you can slow down and live into your commitments to yourself for 2023, whatever they are.

And while I will be away, I will not be out of touch.

Look for my weekly emails and blog posts (photos of Paris are sure to be sprinkled in!). I will be working with clients, doing some remote speaking, and will make creating a regular part of my life — all at reduced intensity. After all, there’s an amazing city I am eager to explore and enjoy.

With love and wishes for you to have a joyous, healthy new year.

One word can impact your whole year — really!

Welcome 2023! Wishing you a happy, healthy, joyous new year.

In last week's post I shared my word-of-the-year process. If you chose a word for your year, this is the moment to start living it.

If you missed it, or have not yet chosen your word, it's not too late to use the process. Find a few minutes to sit quietly and choose a word to guide you for this year.

Your word can have more impact than a resolution

I have found this practice to go deeper and have much more impact on my life than making new year resolutions, which quickly fall to the wayside for most people. My clients have also chosen words to guide their years that have significantly impacted their lives.

In last week’s post I offered a list of questions to chose from to get you started, and the post includes a link to my streamlined process, too.

You can combine the approaches or stick to the simpler version.

I hope your word will be meaningful for you now, and throughout 2023.

Last week I also promised to share my word for 2023 with you.

My word for 2023

As you can see, in addition to selecting a word, I always add the specific ways I intend to live into my word.

By printing it out and pinning it were I see it each day, I stay inspired and clear about my intentions throughout the year. I invite you to do that, too.

My new year gift to you

When you have selected your word for 2023, I'd be happy to typeset it for you, as I do for mine each year. I will do this for the first 10 people who send me their word for 2023.

Simply email me, and if you are one of the first 10 responses I receive, I will send you a PDF that you can print out and hang where you will see it, and be inspired by it, each day.

I am eager to hear the word you choose to help make 2023 your best year ever.

Sending you wishes for a new year filled with creative energy to fuel abundant love, happiness, peace, and prosperity.

How to end the year with insight and inspiration

In the last few days of 2022, many people have time away from work. Some are focused on family, some share a string of holiday celebrations, some are on vacation.

Whether you are busy in any of these ways, or you are working through the holiday, this week is an ideal time to create space for reflection and dreaming.

Start with using the guide below to do a “year in review” of your life in 2022, then look ahead to 2023.

Give yourself the gift of time to reflect

Our days flow by, and as we move along we rarely pause to take in the bigger picture.

I made a date with myself this past weekend to get cozy, sit with my journal, and do some reflecting. With music playing and candles flickering, I posed a number of questions to myself and did a bit of writing about each if them.

Pick questions from these lists and see what happens for you. (You may want to print this out and have it next to you as you write.)

First, go through your calendar for the past year and ask these questions:

What were the key things that happened each month?

Are there themes or patterns that you notice?

What excited you? What highlights do you want to put a star next to?

If you were making a top-10 list of your year, what would you include?

Why was each item on your top-10 list so great or meaningful?

Continue to reflect with some or all of these questions: 

Where did you struggle last year?

What were your wisest decisions? Your lessons learned?

What new habits did you develop, or deepen?

What did you stop doing?

Who influenced you the most this year?

What was the biggest or most meaningful thing you completed?

What relationships did you start, or deepen, or release?

What was left unfinished this year?

How did you take care of yourself?

When were you courageous?

What are you ready to let go of now?

What are you most proud of? What can you celebrate? (Don’t overlook the small things!)

Can you find gratitude for all of it — the things that delighted you and things that challenged you — knowing that all of them have been meaningful?

Next, look ahead to the new year

You may want to pause after taking stock of the past year, and then start fresh (later, or the next day) and look ahead.

Consider these questions, and feel free to add any others that come to mind:

What would make 2023 a great year for you?

What intentions do you want to set now?

What will you say “yes” to, and what will you say “no” to?

What do you want more of this year? What do you want less of?

What will you explore?

How will you invest in yourself?

How will you express yourself?

What will you create?

What new declaration are you ready to make now?

Then, choose a word to guide your new year

I have been choosing a word-of-the-year for a long time, using a short practice I have shared in the past. I am glad to share it again, as I’ve just returned to the process before embarking on 2023.

As you will see in this word-of-the-year post, that I wrote in 2018, I propose that you start by answering a short list of questions. They are similar to the longer list I shared above.

Whichever questions you use, your answers will prepare you to follow my process — and reading the examples I've shared in the post may help you consider the word that fits best for you now.

I will share my word for 2023 with you soon, and would be happy for you to share the word of the year you choose for yourself. Simply send me an email.

Until we connect next week, at the start of a fresh new year filled with wonderful possibilities, I’m sending wishes to you for abundant health, happiness, creativity and love.

Ignite the magic of light

This time of year is special. The holiday season is underway, with celebrations of Hannukka begun and Christmas coming soon, as well as other winter festivities and holidays. 

With all of the darkness these last weeks — which the Winter Solstice will bring to a turning point on the 21st — it’s comforting to know that we will be heading toward a bit more daylight each day.

It’s in this season of cold days and so much darkness that we crave light.

Houses are adorned in lights that makes for loveliness as we move about outdoors. Christmas trees twinkle in windows, and menorahs are lit with candles for eight nights. Walking through Boston, where I live, one sees glittering lights all around. They bring delight.

Why light touches us

The emotions we feel seeing so many sparkling, twinkling lights, and candle flames glowing, are scientifically proven to have calming properties.

The lights, candle flames and fires burning in fireplaces can trigger dopamine — the chemical in our brains that makes us feel good. This physiological response from our nervous system makes us feel happier, and for some, adding color to the lights enhances the response.

The beauty of light lifts our spirits and brings joy. 

How to bring more beauty into your life

All sorts of beauty touches the heart.

Perhaps you can add beauty to your day by setting a table with attention to colors.

You might plate food with sprigs of herbs, wedges of lemons, or other garnishes to add delight to the eyes and taste buds.

Adding music to the atmosphere is another sensory way to enhance beauty, as is choosing soft textures again your skin.

You may want to adorn yourself in something that makes you feel special, and give gifts to others that will bring more beauty into their lives.

We can all be the light 

The way we each live and relate to others is another way we can bring more light, and beauty, into the world.

Let’s all be aware of the opportunity we have to be that light.

To be open, loving and generous. To see the best in the people around us. To be kind, to smile and laugh.

We can each light up hearts — our own, and the hearts around us.

That’s a beautiful vision I am holding now. I hope you will join me.

Are you missing the joy of the season?

Are you able to give yourself a break?

Can you let go of expectations?

Think about the perceived expectations of others that occupy your thoughts, as well as the expectations you impose on yourself.

This is territory I know well, and at this time of year, when the world around us is in a whirl, thinking about all of those expectations, and which you may want to let go of, can be a great gift to give yourself.

What expectations are adding pressure now?  

Let’s look at work

Many business executives, entrepreneurs, and other professionals are focused on year-end results. For some that includes closing as much business as possible in the last weeks of the year. For some there are projects to complete before the calendar turns.

While those expectations can be internal, they often come from bosses, investors, clients or shareholders.

For those feeling expectations like these, there is some relief in knowing that we can muscle through a few weeks and start anew in the new year.

Next, let’s think about the holidays

This season impacts people in many different ways.

Some are fully into the holiday party scene. They love decorating, hosting and gifting. Shopping for or planning great outfits, salon trips for fresh haircuts and manicures, are a joy for them.

For many, this season feels heavier.

They bristle at the expectations to be merry, look perfect, set a photo-worthy table and serve or contribute amazing food. They find expectations to give a perfect gift to everyone on a long list to be stressful — emotionally, financially, and physically. There are often a host of family expectations that weigh people down.

Most of these expectations can be a combination of external and internal.

And then there are all of the “shoulds” in our heads 

Let’s start with the expectation many have that we should feel happy at this time of year. That’s a tall order, even for those who are typically upbeat.

Maybe you feel that you should show up — for everything. Parties of all kinds, school programs, work events, neighborhood gatherings, religious services, family get-togethers, local ceremonies, cookie-swaps and more.

Maybe you feel you should — or must — shower everyone with cards and gifts. And if you think that gift or card should be fancy and expensive, or should be made by hand, that adds handsomely to the pressure.

Perhaps you feel expectations for how you should show up or should perform. This can be because you are a woman, or a minority, or the traditional host, or the person who does not align squarely with the values of others in a family or group, or any number of other reasons.

And then there’s the should of perfection — doing it all and doing it all perfectly. This is an especially heavy burden that many of us carry 365 days a year.

What if it could be different?

If the thought of any, or many of these expectations gives you a sinking feeling, I invite you to think about the power you have to let go of expectations — whether they are expectations you perceive from others, or expectations you have for yourself.

Can you imagine how it would feel to be free of them?

The first step in finding that freedom is to be aware of which expectations weigh you down, and decide that you want to make a change.

When you are clear about both the expectation(s), and have considered the source, try these steps.

1. Ask yourself if you feel deserving of your true desires — the desires that are in opposition to one or more expectations. Can you feel ok about not [fill in a blank from the expectations described above, or something I did not enumerate].

This may be easier for some than others, and I do not suggest it’s as easy as simply saying “yes” if that feels untrue.

If you feel deserving, you are on your way to dropping the pressure of the expectation.

If this idea is a challenge for you, spend some time celebrating all of your special qualities. Ask people who love you what they most admire about you. See if you can feel as deserving of yourself as you’d want someone you love to feel about themselves.

2. When you feel you deserve to do things the way you wish/if you wish, this step may take some courage, but you can state your preferences.

This is your opportunity to gently bow out of attending an event, or choose to get someone a small thoughtful gift rather than break the bank, or choose not to care if your table looks “perfect” — or like someone else’s idea of “perfect.”

Start with something small to test this out, and continue to let go of expectations one by one.

3. After each effort, be sure to celebrate yourself.

Savor the space, the ease, the pleasure you get to experience.

Then focus on gratitude — for yourself, and the gift you gave yourself by letting go of an expectation you are free of.

Sending you much love for this holiday season.

Sure you feed your body. How about your soul?

Here is a pair of questions you may not have been asked before — and maybe never asked yourself:

“How do you feed your soul?” and, “Do you feed your soul?”

While I do not recall having explicitly asked myself these questions, I had an experience this past weekend that fed my soul in such a deep way that these questions showed up. I am moved to bring them to your attention.

What our bodies and hearts need

If you have been reading my Big Ideas for some time, you know I believe that living in high gear, rushing and pushing and striving, robs us of the overall wellbeing we need and deserve.

We can create space in our lives to support our bodies. We can get ample rest, make time to eat healthy food, and devote time to build strength and flexibility for physical ease.

We can honor and nurture important relationships.

And we can create space to pause, reflect, and listen to our hearts.

This last practice (which can be cultivated in a range of ways) enables us to create with intention rather than being in perpetual motion without clarity — and can save us from reacting on the fly as we rush off to attend to the next thing on a jam-packed calendar.

We can lay a foundation for living a good life by bringing all of this awareness to the front of our minds and adjusting our ways of living. For many accomplished women, it takes time and support to test and integrate these practices. (It certainly did for me.)

And, alongside the attention and commitment we can each make to bring new ways of being into our daily lives, there is a deeper level of wellbeing and expansion that’s available for us to explore.

Take a moment to consider your spirit

Whether you prefer thinking about it as your soul, or your spirit, or the deepest longings in your heart, I invite you to bring a bit of curiosity and exploration to what you desire at that level.

In the midst of a busy life, it is easy to miss those messages, or push them off to the side.

Some of us look for those messages and simply cannot find them.

Some are afraid to even look, or do not know where or how to start.

Maybe you are keenly aware of your deep desires. For many of us, stillness and patience (and often help) are needed to make those discoveries.

It is then that we can consider how to honor our deep desires.

Our souls crave nourishment

Over the years, I have seen many ways that women have lost a connection to the deep desires of their souls.

Some have set aside the joy of playing an instrument, or spending time in nature, or working with their hands, or another soul-rewarding practice — often for many years.

Some have let a meaningful part of themselves sit fallow as they pursued a career and nurtured a family.

Some, like me, lacked the belief that it was possible — not to mention feeling I could be “good enough,” — to create. (In my case it was as an artist.) We never dared to even try.

When things like this happen our souls, our spirits, our hearts are robbed of life-enhancing nourishment.

Yet it’s possible return to what we have set aside, or embark on new adventures. We can seek satisfaction as we enter and explore new terrain.

I am living proof that amazing things are possible when you allow yourself to follow the small whisper, or the shout, that you tune into.

My experience may inspire you

I took my first painting class in 2015. Yes, even with a BFA I had never painted. I had stuck to design-related classes, never daring to even enter a painting studio.

And despite my long-standing fear, and feeling that it might be a disaster to try, I knew a part of me yearned to have the experience of painting. I finally decided I would take a painting class and see what happens.

And thus an incredible journey began. It has been one of the most rewarding adventures in my life.

(You can see my paintings here.)

And recently, something new showed up for me.

A marvelous new client in my coaching program teaches writing. And she invited me to participate in a retreat she leads. This new possibility intrigued me, even as it scared me.

I love writing my weekly articles, and I loved writing my book. But this teacher focuses on “writing from the deep voice.” This is creative writing, and the idea of attending her weekend retreat with women who have been honing their crafts with her for some time, made me question if I could possibly do that.

I thought it was likely that, as a rank beginner, I’d not only embarrass myself, I might be mortified.

And yet, I said, “Yes.”

I chose to let myself be a beginner, to be taught and led and inspired. I realized that I’d only know how it would feel or what would happen if I gave it a try. Maybe it would be terrible, or uninteresting, or not a fit for me, and any of that would be fine.

This is what happened.

By saying, “Yes,” I gave a gift to my soul. My soul, that goes to deep places when I paint, loved this new experience.

I let go of self-judgement or caring what anyone else thought of my work and was fully absorbed in the process, step by step by step. One piece of writing after another, reading what I wrote and hearing others read their creations, I was palpably moved and inspired.

I discovered that there is a vast new, satisfying, exciting way to nourish my soul! I am filled with gratitude and joy.

Your soul has yearnings, too

We all have layers of desire waiting to be discovered in deep places.

With guidance and patience and practice, you can access your inner voice with more ease. And you can explore new avenues of expressing it with greater ease, too — whether or not you ever pick up a paintbrush or try your hand at creative writing.

The pace will be different for each of us. The rewards — that I have experienced, and that I been honored to usher in and witness for my clients — are always remarkable.

I invite you to take a new step towards creating a truly rewarding future today.

And I’d be delighted to hear about the deep yearnings in your soul. If you’d like to share them simply email me. (And if the writing experience sounds intriguing, I’ll be happy to introduce you to my writing teacher.)

Are you settling or choosing (the people in your life)?

During the long holiday weekend I had time to explore a topic that’s been showing up a lot.

I hope this longer-than-usual post will spark some fresh ideas for you.

With Thanksgiving behind us and looking ahead to upcoming holiday gatherings, why not think about the people with whom you spend time?

Who is in your close circle?

Most of us have a close set of relationships, and the people with whom we spend most of our time — in our immediate and extended families, in our professional settings, and with friends and neighbors — is relatively limited.

Those with whom we have regular contact are typically ongoing relationships, and new people only occasionally move into our sphere.

If you are fortunate, the people in that close sphere are supportive, positive and lovely to be with.

If you find yourself in family and/or work settings with people who do not make you feel happy, or with whom you wish there was more meaningful connection, you may long for new people in your life who are more fun to be with, more kind, or more interesting to be around.

What many of us do not consider is that we can consciously choose to be in relationship with people who inspire and light us up — to augment our great relationships, and to balance out more challenging relationships when those need to be sustained.

My path to more connections

My circle of close connections was small for many years. In my 30s and 40s, it was rare for me to make new close personal friends or meet other business people with whom I could engage at a meaningful, personal level.

There were fewer professional or networking organizations then, and very few where I found connections with the depth I was seeking.

Happily, that changed — and in ways I was not expecting.

I have had the good fortune to have connected to remarkable people beyond those in my immediate circles in the last 20 years.

And in the last 3 years the new connections have been especially exciting!

When I first joined The Boston Club (when I owned my first business), I was thrilled to meet so many smart, interesting women with whom I was able to make meaningful connections — both professionally and personally. In fact, that’s where I met some of the women I now count among my closest friends.

And in the work I’ve been doing with my coach for the last three years, I am part of a remarkable group of leaders who all do bold, exciting work in the world. They not only inspire me, they are there to support me — whether I am creating something new or dealing with something challenging.

Inspiring relationships catalyze big new ideas

The enriching relationships I now enjoy inspired me to shape two ways to provide deep connection, support, and inspiration for my clients.

In my Live Big Live! program women come together and find clarity for their vision of the near future, and then make a plan for how they will live into that vision. The impact of the shared group experience is always wonderful to witness as exciting breakthroughs are achieved.

And a number of clients opt for ongoing coaching support in a close-knit group. This helps them achieve true creative mastery in and of their lives.

In addition to wonderful ways they connect with one another virtually, I have longed to bring these women together in person for a deep immersive experience — and it was finally safe to do that this fall.

The weekend before Thanksgiving I took them on our first Creation Vacation together! At our long weekend retreat in the Berkshires we deeply explored play and creation. We shared adventures and heart-expanding conversations. (Scroll down to see a few photos of the fun.)

The weekend provided a magical way for everyone to experience being with other women who light them up, who see them in ways they cannot see themselves, who are there to celebrate with them, and also available to provide support without judgement.

Time and again I have seen that when any of the women in a close group like this experiences an “aha moment”, a breakthrough, or they share a success, everyone else feels inspired and excited to bring her gifts forward.

And when someone in the group is navigating something tricky (or going through something really tough), the others are there to offer support. The same is available in return to each when she needs it.

You can choose to be with more great people

You get to actively seek out and choose great people to bring into your life.

Ask yourself who you want to connect to.

Do you want new professional connections — in your current field or in a field you are eager to explore? Do you want to connect to leaders you can learn from, to mentors, to role models? Do you want more peer connections with people who are willing to be open, vulnerable and share serious ideas?

Perhaps you want to meet new people with whom you can pursue a favorite activity — a hobby, a passion, or a particular interest.

Maybe you yearn for new personal relationships — to have more close friends, to find a romantic partner, to support a child or adolescent on their path to maturity, or connect to someone from a different culture.

When you have that awareness it will be easier to think about where to look for those people.

The magic of meaningful connections

Once you have the joy of special new connections in your life, the impact will touch everything you do.

New ideas and enthusiasm will show up. New energy will be palpable. You may surprise yourself by taking action in ways you cannot envision today.

Will things like this happen instantly? Will everything be easy and pleasurable?

Of course not.

But you will have more new ideas, more positive experiences, and more support for everything you do.

And who knows? You may well be a catalyst to initiate another circle of connections, where others can connect in special, life-changing ways.

And, here are a few photos taken at Creation Vacation:

WE CREATED PLAYFULLY…

we went on an evening adventure…

we tackled puzzles…

and we created in the kitchen!

How to connect to your magic and light up your life

Something interesting happens when I mention the title of my book, Live Big: A Manifesto for a Creative Life in a conversation with someone I have just met.

More often than not, people look me in the eye and say, “Oh, I'm not creative.”

I am on a mission to dispel that common belief.

I want to help people understand, and experience, that they are filled with creativity. I also want them to know how powerful their creativity is.

We all came into the world filled with creativity

Yes, creativity is in all of us. It’s a kind of magic we all possess.

When we are small, and given some crayons and paper, we do not fret at a blank page. We do not worry about what to draw. We pick up a color that appeals to us and start making marks.

When I observe my 3-year-old granddaughter as she draws, and ask what she’s drawing, she tells me incredible stories about the scenes (that look to me like excited scribbles).

Whether she is serious and focused, or laughing, she is fully engaged in expressing herself. And it is clear that she loves it.

When we, as adults, tap that creative energy — or expand and accelerate it, for those who do feel creative — we give ourselves a huge gift. We connect to the magic inside.

Creating is not just for “special people”

The opportunities to create are vast.

While many feel intimidated because they think they are not “talented”, I’m here to bust that myth. You do not need to be a virtuoso musician, a great actor, a brilliant writer, or a gifted dancer to create!

All forms of self-expression are terrific.

Do you love to putter in a garden or build in a workshop? Do you like to cook or make things with your hands? Are you a visionary thinker, or love embarking on adventures to explore in nature? Do you like to play with paint or clay?

Any and all of these ways of creating are fantastic.

What happens when you create

When you create in any way with a feeling of curiosity and freedom, when you are able to to play and be surprised, you connect to your desire and something incredible happens.

Your spirit opens.

You get out of your head (where most of us spend most of our time) and connect to your heart and your intuition.

And you make discoveries.

The discovery may be about new ways to produce a result that pleases you. Or you may discover that something you thought you’d enjoy was not that great, and move on to new ways to explore.

The most important discovery?

Connecting to new parts of yourself and experiencing more of who you are.

And when that happens, your expanded, lit-up spirit can show up in other parts of your life.

I witness this phenomenon all the time with my clients. They show up differently at work, and great things happen. They navigate relationships with more insight and less reactivity. They look and feel alive in remarkable ways!

I rejoice with them as they open to and share more and more of their greatness.

You can start today

I invite you to do one thing (or one new thing) today to express yourself.

It may be simple and you may do it for a mere few minutes, but choose one thing and go for it.

Maybe you will share it, or you may choose to have a private experience. Maybe it will be exciting, or comfortable, or perhaps it will feel awkward.

In any case, take a moment to think about how it felt to create.

Consider how it felt to experiment with new flavors rather than following a recipe. Or put a small arrangement of objects on a shelf in a pleasing way. Or pull out an instrument you haven’t played in ages, and your response to the sounds you made.

Then commit to creating in some way again tomorrow.

In time, you will not have to plan to create. You will find your creative spirit showing up all over the place!

The more that you create in these ways, the more you will come to understand the power of creativity to support you to show up fully. In time, this expansive magical feeling can be a regular part of your daily experience.

And it is a game-changer to show up fully in the world.

Do it for yourself, and do it for all of us. We need the gifts, the fully expressed genius, that only you can contribute.

Imagine the impact we will have when we all live big.

(I would be delighted for you to share the ways you love to create, and new ways you bring creativity into your life. And please share the impact it has for you. Leave a comment or email me.)

If you’re a hard worker, this is for you

The accomplished women (and men) I speak to nearly always believe they need to work hard.

They believe they must push themselves relentlessly to achieve their goals, to meet the expectations of others (and themselves, too, in many cases), to achieve status, authority and recognition.

Our culture, and the work cultures in which many of us find ourselves, emphasize, celebrate and even glorify hard work.

For most of my life, I believed I needed to work hard — and I did. I also believed that things had to be hard to do.

Doing things that were “hard” seemed to ensure the outcome would be meaningful. Doing those “hard” things also made me feel that I was good enough.

It’s time to bust the myth

I am on a mission to help people everywhere to live big — to live their best lives, to take action with clear intention, to bring all of their greatness forward, and do it without sacrificing their physical wellbeing, their energy or their spirits.

If you want to create a truly fulfilling life where you fully shine, and do it without sacrifice, a great place to focus is on shifting your thinking about how hard it all has to be.

It took me decades to come to new, clear insights, after testing and living and working in new ways.

My hope is that we can all shift away from believing the myth about things needing to be hard.

“It has to be hard” or “It can be easy”?

Then:

I smirked at the ideas that things could be easy!

I not only believed I had to work hard, I believed that most of my important tasks were going to be hard to see through to completion.

When the time frames were tight, or the tasks were daunting, or the scope was intimidating, I told myself how hard it was going to be.

I gritted my teeth and pushed myself.

And, sure enough, it nearly always felt hard. I exhausted myself with all of that pushing.

Now:

I have tested and experienced and benefited from major re-frames to my old habituated thinking.

I have also learned to give myself some grace, and slow down.

My first coach insisted that if I slowed down I would get more done, which I resisted for a very long time. And, when I finally tested it, I found that he was right!

This is the new approach I have learned to use.

• I am selective and clear about the tasks that really matter, and let go of, defer, or delegate the rest.

• I think carefully about the deadlines I create and commit to.

• With fewer things to do I am focused rather than feeling splattered.

• No matter how challenging a project appears to be, if I find myself thinking "It’s going to be hard," I consciously change the message in my head to, “What if it can be easy?”

• I also tell myself, “There’s an abundance of time to do this.”

• And, I make sure I am well rested as I start on the work. This helps me to be focused and clear.

I honor myself with these new practices.

I savor the opportunity to choose what I will do with care. (Yes, that means saying “no” to many things that sound enticing, which takes practice.)

When I do not push, I experience far less stress and do not exhaust myself. I enjoy more energy and I nurture my spirit when I live and work this way.

And the cherry on top is that I am able to get better work done — on time, and often in less time.

All of these results have been life-changing for me.

New practices take time to build

If you read my post from last week, about slowing down, you know that making changes like these is not a one-and-done effort.

I sometimes slide back and need to return to the fundamentals. I get focused and reinforce good practices in order to build stronger habits, time and again. This is true for most people.

It’s when when we build awareness, try and test, and keep returning to new and better ways of thinking and living, that we experience true growth — as well as more ease and joy.

My wonderful coaches, mentors and teachers, past and present, have imparted their wisdom, support and love to help me learn and expand in tremendous ways. I am filled with gratitude for all of them.

I am also grateful for the wonderful support I receive from the people doing the work alongside me, in a fabulous mastermind I am part of.

And I am inspired by the courageous work my clients are doing in their lives, and honored to support them to step into all of their greatness.

What about you?

I invite you to step up and engage in new ways of thinking and try new practices that can help you to live your most fulfilling life.

See if you find that the ideas I share today have impact for you.

And if you want to talk about what your challenges are and the dreams you have for the future, I'd be happy to hear about them. I set aside time each week for a few conversations like this. (And if you are curious, you can ask what support can look like in your life.)

Email me and we’ll make a date.

What can happen when you slow down and make a small change

Last week I had the pleasure and honor of being the closing keynote speaker at a conference in Virginia. This was only the second time I’ve spoken in-person to a large audience since the start of the pandemic, and the energy of being with people was terrific.

This audience, like most I speak to, was filled with senior professionals who lead busy lives. They have tremendous responsibilities to lead their organizations and face an array of challenges each day.

My message was focused on how they can lead their biggest, best lives — to bring all of their greatness into the world — and do it without sacrificing their wellbeing.

The first thing I focused on was slowing down.

I talked about being more, instead of so much frantic doing. I urged them to give themselves space and grace. I advocated for focusing on what they each need more of in their lives to feel and be their best.

We are not machines

Many of us are so accustomed to living at a hectic pace that we fail to realize the consequences of the daily grind on our physical wellbeing, our energy and our spirits — all of which are precious, and none of which is in endless supply.

Even machines, with on- and off-switches, need power to run smoothly and regular maintenance, too.

Many of us treat ourselves like machines, without regard for the fuel we need, our routine maintenance requirements, or considering how long we can be “on” before we wear out our gears.

What can be done

We can each pause to consider what changes — even small changes — will improve our daily wellbeing.

It’s time to honor ourselves and ask the question, “What do I need more of to nurture my spirit and honor my body?”

Maybe you will realize you are skimping on sleep. Or not eating as well as you want to, so you have ample time to savor and digest healthy meals. Or you may crave more time for quiet in your life. Or there may be a special interest you enjoy, or a relationship you want to nurture, but you have not created space to make it a focus.

When you start by identifying what will nurture your spirit and honor your body, and then choose one thing to consciously introduce to make it happen, you are sure to experience an improvement in your daily wellbeing.

The changes I am making now

Having been in “high gear” for too long, I am clear that this is the time for me to slow down. (This is a lesson I return to time and again!)

I am focused on thinking about what I am saying, “Yes” to. I leave more “white space” in my calendar.

I am using my own tips for “multiplying time” that I share in my keynotes, and I am setting clear boundaries (another point I teach and that I continue to bring into my own life with renewed awareness).

Having implemented a few small changes, I am glad to say I created space to spend a few hours in my studio this past weekend.

Painting is something I truly love, and have often sacrificed when I have allowed myself to be over-scheduled. I meet myself in a special way when I paint, and I was reminded of the lovely “spillover” effects it has on my happiness and wellbeing.

What are you ready to change?

The power of making just one or two small changes can be remarkable.

What can you identify today, that will be easy to implement right away?

Will you commit to taking a daily walk to breathe fresh air for 15 minutes?

Will you say, “No,” to someone who asks you to help out with something that will exhaust you, and do it with grace and kindness?

Will you get to bed a little earlier so you can wake up more refreshed tomorrow morning — and every morning?

I invite you to choose at least one small change to bring into your life today, that will support you to feel and be your best.

Ask better questions to find your best answers

I am often in conversations when the person with whom I am speaking is feeling stressed, confused, unsure, or overwhelmed.

Often, as they are consumed about resolving a challenge, I see that their focus is misplaced.

They are often looking for an answer to a question that starts with,
“How can I…?”

This question rarely leads to the insights and solutions they are eager to find.

“How can I…” is often followed by something like:

“…enroll more people in a program I love leading and want to expand?”
“…make a change in my overwhelming work that will continue to provide ample income?”
“…be more productive — because there is so much daily pressure at work and at home?”

When people share the way they are thinking, I observe that they are often getting tangled in negative and confusing thoughts, as they bypass an exploration of the essence of the issue.

Finding that clarity is what calms the mind and leads them to their best answers.

Ask better questions to bypass doubt and find your path forward

The benefit of starting with a different set of questions is that you can more clearly — and more hopefully — find a path that is fruitful.

There is no one “best” or ”right” question to ask.

These examples may be helpful illustrations for you to consider, when you are feeling called to find a good approach to resolve something that's on your mind.

.....................................

Story #1
A woman wants to fill more seats for a program she loves to lead

When we started to talk she was focused on how to market better.

Maybe post more on social media? What platforms? Send more emails?

As she proposed these ideas, she was sad and doubtful. She questioned whether there were enough people who would want to enroll. She knew she was not pricing the program high enough, but she feared raising the fee.

Her energy was dragged down by scarcity, fear, doubt and deep sadness.

I asked her about the clients she had enrolled in the past. Who were they? What had attracted them to enroll in her work? And — most important — what were the outcomes for them?

I asked for stories. And out they poured! She described powerful, exciting, life-changing outcomes.

And as we looked closely at the stories she saw common threads — dots that she had never connected before.

By the end of our conversation she was excited to have clarity about how she will write about her program, and to whom she will direct her messages.

Now marketing feels exciting, because she has embraced the value of what she is inviting people to explore when they work with her.

Most of all, she is starting to believe that this can grow to be her primary professional focus, which she has been longing for.

.....................................

Story #2
A woman wants to revamp a thriving business that is personally unsustainable

When we started to talk, she felt overwhelmed by the current challenges and how to move past them. There are physical health risks to continuing to run the business she has built, and it is also taking an emotional toll.

Maybe scale back her team and overhead? Bring in more contractors? How would she manage all of that? What would the consequences be if she made some or all of those changes?

Or, maybe switch gears in a bigger way? To doing what? And how could she do that and sustain her financial well-being?

As these questions poured out, I saw and felt palpable stress and fear.

I asked her to tell me what she loved most about the work now — the kinds of clients, the kinds of engagements. What lit her up? And what brought her energy and well-being down? I also asked who on her team supported her to come up with great day-to-day approaches and deliver the best experience for her clients. Could that person's role expand or be adjusted?

As we explored the answers that showed up, I saw excitement about several great options that could be pursued. We talked about meaningful ways to expand the inquiry — bringing curiosity and an open mind as she moves ahead.

.....................................

Story #3
A woman who yearns to be more productive

When we started to talk, she described being swamped and could not see how to do less. Her business is thriving and feels like an engine that is driving her. How could she do less? How could she also manage the demands of an aging parent at home along with other family responsibilities?

She tried delegating and doing things to be more healthy, but they were not enough. How could she turn things around?

I asked her to describe how it felt to delegate tasks — at the office and at home. It turns out that was a tough thing for her to do. She felt she did things best herself. She felt responsible for doing many tasks, and doing them they way everyone expected her to do them (for example, cook a fresh meal for her family every night, after a long exhausting work day).

I asked her to describe what it would feel like to have more time for herself. It turns out that having time for herself was such a distant memory she could not envision doing less. And she admitted to not feeling worthy of having more time for herself. She was also concerned about the judgements of others if they might see her as “slacking off.”

When we got to the emotional heart of these questions, she was able to breathe deeply and clearly see the ways her mindset and beliefs (including demands and expectations she held for herself) were the place to begin.

Specific changes became easy to implement once she felt supported to adopt the belief that she deserves to have space to nurture her wellbeing.

Consider the questions you ask yourself

Are your questions shedding light on the factors that will lead you to the most revelatory insights?

Consider asking questions that will give you both meaningful information and positive energy from which you can continue to move forward.

All of the women in the stories above are now on a path to deriving more joy and satisfaction in their lives and work.

What questions can you ask yourself that will lead to the joy and satisfaction you desire?

Are you committed to living your best life?

Last week I spent a day in deep thought about the way I lived in the past year, and considering how I intend to live in the coming year.

Yom Kippur (the second of the Jewish high holy days) is a sober day, but it is also one that always inspires me to consider what I am committing to now.

It’s relatively easy to devote one day to such thoughts and the commitments they entail (even while a day of fasting is challenging and tiring).

But what will all of those thoughts become a week from now?

What about six months from now, and a year from now?

The reality we create reflects our commitments

How will I look back and assess the year when October 2023 rolls around?

This is a truly sobering question.

It requires that I focus on changes to make.

It means clearly choosing paths, as I commit to staying on some I’ve been on, moving away from others, and seeking new directions.

It means considering how I want to show up in my life.

What ways of acting and thinking will I aim to sustain, and what do I feel called to change?

What do I feel excited to create?

The life I reflect back on a year from now will demonstrate my commitment to the actions required to make my intentions a reality.

Commitment = action and sustained dedication

I do not make commitments lightly. I know that they require meaningful, sustained effort.

Making a commitment means not only deciding what I intend to do, but actually taking action — and continuing to take consistent action.

For example, if I commit to developing a new habit, I need to practice it. I can start with introducing small changes. And I know the key is to stick with them and expand on them until the desired state becomes my new normal.

Some habits can shift quickly. I am also aware that many habit changes require longer commitment, and a willingness to resume the focus when the inevitable setbacks interrupt progress.

Another example is choosing how to focus my time and attention. I am considering some activities to let go of — to make space for things I have neglected, or for things I’ve thought about but never started, or for new things that intrigue me now.

By clearly choosing and committing, and staying mindfully in action, I know I can make progress.

It may not be “perfect” every step of the way, and that’s ok.

I will get help when needed. I have tools to turn to when I am unsure of my next steps or veer off-course and need to recommit. I know I can always create new ways forward.

The vision I set will support me to stay on track.

What changes do you want to make?

What changes will make a difference in your wellbeing — physical, emotional, and spiritual?

What do you want to change to make a relationship stronger?

What do you want to start that is calling you? (And will you stop doing something to make space for it?)

In what ways do you yearn to expand — to show up in a bigger way, more authentically, less fearfully, and with more love?

What are you called to do or create that will make the world better? Are there actions you want to take in support of issues that deeply matter to you?

Do not underestimate your ability to impact the world.

When we all show up as our best selves, and commit to taking consistent, courageous action that is aligned with our values and our hearts, our efforts have ripple effect that are world-changing, even as they are life-changing for us.

What transformation looks like in real time

Can you recall witnessing magic? Not a magician performing elegant tricks — actual magic. I had that experience last week.

I witnessed the magic of seeing lives transforming in front of me over three days.

There was no sleight of hand — this was true transformation.

The transformation was powered by deep personal exploration and creative expression. Love and trust provided the engine.

All of this happened at the Fall Live Big Live! retreat that I was honored to lead. I want to share this experience, because the event offers insights for all of us.

Transformation requires the right conditions

We did not show up on Day 1 of the retreat and dive right in. The women in the program had a foundation of preparation over a number of weeks, that primed them to make personal discoveries and thus be prepared for the processes they would move through at the retreat.

They had support and guidance along the way. Most of all there was an abundance of love and trust and generosity in this group, as everyone progressed to make her own discoveries and declarations.

The remarkable women who embarked on our journey were willing to show up in the preparation period, and then devote three days to go deep together. Some traveled to be there. Some arranged and rearranged their schedules to make it happen.

They arrived prepared to define a clear vision for what matters to them in the next part of their lives.

This is what mattered for these women

What matters most for one woman entails showing up fully and openly, with confidence in what she has to say and with belief in her potential to influence direction within her organization.

For another it means launching a new business — fleshing out the offering and stepping into making it a reality.

For one it means getting clear on her priorities and what to focus on and pursue in a portfolio of varied work arenas.

For one it means getting support and focusing in on the best way to manage a successful career and business that is fraught with stress, so she can keep clear of sacrificing her happiness and physical wellbeing.

For all it entails putting themselves at the center of the equation, as they focus on relationships, their health and wellbeing, and honoring their spirits.

Each woman looked with a sharp eye at the challenges she grapples with. Each dove into how to keep from being tripped up by limiting stories and beliefs. Each now has true belief in what is possible, and that belief is built on a solid foundation of self-love.

And they each committed to defining the specific ways they will live in the next 90 days to make their visions a reality.

They left the retreat with a plan and a full heart ready to live into the plan.

Transformation is not magic

Just as a caterpillar does not magically become a butterfly, the transformations I witnessed did not happen with a wave of a magic wand.

Caterpillar actually develop a chrysalis — a shell inside of which each caterpillar dissolves into a liquid mass. That is the material from which they start to construct each body part of the eventual butterfly they will become in the process of metamorphosis.

When ready, the formed butterfly cracks through the shell of the chrysalis to unfurl its wings and fly.

The women at the Live Big Live! retreat went through a stage of breaking down the old parts of themselves they no longer want and need.

They focused on the attributes they want to carry forward and amplify, and the aspirations they claim.

They committed to a vision of the women they each want to become, and what that will mean for each of them. I witnessed them feeling ready to soar!

The process felt magical — to them, and to me as I saw it unfold — even as the process was based on a carefully constructed methodology.

In their own words

Here are a few remarks that were made at the end of the retreat.

“You helped me work through so much. It was such a joy to be the recipient of what you created.”

“I needed the encouragement you gave me! I felt loved by you and the entire group.”

“Your quiet and powerful leadership, that came from a place of relaxed, deeply felt love, pulled me through my stress to a place of focus and clarity.”

”How special to be in a room full of wonderfully powerful leaders.”

Scroll down to see some of the final creative pieces that express the insights of the retreat experience for these women. (The collages were made on the last afternoon of the retreat.)

Questions to ask yourself now

What do you want, that will make the next part of your life truly fulfilling? Maybe an answer will pop quickly to mind. Maybe you are unsure about what you truly desire.

What limits you? Do you lack confidence? Are you afraid to be fully and authentically yourself? Maybe you have a vision that is smaller than what you truly yearn for.

I invite you to honor yourself and tap the desire in your heart. Or, if that desire feels elusive, to take steps to discover it.

Most of all, I invite you to feel deserving of your best possible life.

And if you may want a guide to help you make a faster and easier transformation, I would be glad to explore these questions with you.

We can talk, and if the next Live Big Live! program might be a fit for you, we can explore that together.

Got momentum?

Sometimes things feel like they are flowing easily (maybe even effortlessly). Maybe you are experiencing delightful flow in your life, or as you work on a project, or as you generate new ideas.

And starting or advancing some things may feel sluggish, or you may feel stuck. Frustration, doubt and even fear can show up, which only leads to more difficulty when you want to move ahead.

The key to getting into flow — and sustaining flow — is momentum.

The magic of momentum

Before we look at how amazing momentum can be in your life, let’s get clear about what it really is.

Understanding momentum

I don’t know about my readers who are scientists and more left-brained than I am, but I expect I’m not alone in recollecting that high school physics was not a favorite subject.

Yet physics has a lot to offer us outside the lab, and momentum is a great and useful concept that can support us to live our best lives.

Momentum is defined as the amount of motion occurring in something that is moving, or the force that drives something forward to keep it moving.

While you can think about how quickly a car moves down a hill (which is likely to have been discussed in your physics classes), consider the concept of momentum in terms of the energy you bring to everything you do.

Who does not want to have more momentum to make things move forward with ease?

My guess is that we all want momentum, and lots of it.

How to build momentum — whether you feel stuck or sluggish

When you yearn for flow, the key to getting momentum underway is to be in motion.

Getting back to my memories of physics class: If there is no velocity there can not be momentum.

Now this is where things get subtle. Velocity means rapid motion, speed. And that's a great thing to aim for.

But to get from not being in motion (stuck) to building momentum, you need to begin moving.

And for those times when you are in motion but feel like you are far from flow, you want to be able to get more movement underway to build momentum.

How? Inspiration can give you the boost you desire.

How to get inspired

To generate inspiration when you want to get started or ward off sluggishness — whether you want to create new habits for a life that is not overwrought; or want to enhance your health by eating more fresh foods and getting more active; or you want to launch a new initiative in your work — ask yourself why this matters to you.

Having a strong WHY is a key way to get and stay inspired.

To get clear about your WHY, do some writing about it. Dig into all the reasons this thing matters to you. Make a list of what you bring to light, and keep that list handy for times when you need a boost to sustain your inspiration.

And then take action.

Whether you start with small steps (which is fine!) or you choose to take some bigger action steps at first, you’ll begin to be in motion or accelerate the pace you had before!

How to keep momentum growing

Hooray! You are in action. Or you have propelled yourself into feeling more energized, inspired and taking more action.

Getting into motion is crucial, but it’s easy to slack off without some strategies to help you.

This is the time to build velocity, so your momentum can not only be sustained, but grow for the duration of the project at hand.

Here are some things to keep in mind that will help you:

1. Stay focused and positive.
   Keep your attention on what you are aiming for and why it is important to you. Surround yourself with positive people. Don’t get discouraged when you hit a snag (after all, setbacks are inevitable). Positive energy helps you build and sustain momentum!

2. Be flexible.
   As you review your progress, be open to new approaches, new ideas, and make smart adjustments to the original plan you had in mind. Consider inviting others to help and support you, too. Maybe you will ask someone to be an accountability partner.

3. Celebrate yourself.
   Take note of each small success and acknowledge yourself for staying committed and building momentum. This practice goes a long way to keeping you moving ahead.

The more momentum you build the better everything gets

Positive energy you bring to one thing is certain to spread more generally. That’s how building momentum in one area of your life will impact all of your life.

The potential to build momentum is available to all of us, and is truly exciting.

Where can you focus on building momentum today?

Start where you are now and see what happens.

How choosy are you?

Have you given thought to the people with whom you spend time? Do they add light to your life, or do they bring negativity?

While some of the people in your life do not reflect choices you’ve made, and are not changeable, many of the people in your orbit are there because you chose to include them.

Why it’s important to choose with care

When you are thoughtful about the people with whom you engage, you can surround yourself with those who bring qualities into your life that you desire and value.

People who have a positive outlook, who are kind, who inspire you, who are collaborative, who are generous, whose humor delights you, impact your life in great ways.

If you pause and realize there are people in your life that drain you, you have an opportunity to make new choices.

The cost of tolerating people who add stress

Maybe you are aware of people who drain your energy, that you have been tolerating — for any number of reasons.

The toll that takes can be obvious, or (as is often the case) can be easy to miss. 

When you tolerate being in the company of people who are a drag on your energy, small annoyances and irritations often seem normal. While it’s easy to get used to them when you frequently “swim in those waters,” the ongoing irritation diminishes your wellbeing.

And in some cases, you may be well aware of people whose behaviors and energy pull your energy down.

With awareness you can set new standards and create distance from those people. 

How to create distance when you need to

Many of us find ourselves wanting to make a change, but the thought of making the change can feel daunting.

When you have clarity about your standards and have made new decisions about people with whom you want to have less contact, or no contact, consider these two approaches:

1. Create new boundaries 

If you cannot end your relationship with someone, you can decide to set terms and conditions that will better serve you.

For instance, you can shift from daily texts to a weekly check-in.

Another approach that’s available to you is to make it clear that you’ll be happy to communicate if you both can agree to use language and tone that are respectful. (This can be an add-on to planning for less frequent contact.)

2. Phase out the relationship

When there is a person who drains you, and with whom you have no obligation to stay in contact, you can take steps to end the relationship. And you can do it with kindness.

Whether you choose to gradually phase out the connection, or end it in one step, plan for a conversation in which you communicate with clarity. Focus on the importance of this decision to you, and how you want to show up in the conversation.

There will be a temptation to apologize and be defensive. Instead, I invite you to calmly share that you now have new commitments, or some other change of circumstances, and that you will be in less frequent contact/will not continue the relationship.

Do not make accusations. And remember that you do not need to explain yourself. These are common traps to avoid. You are communicating a decision you are making for yourself.

Naturally, depending on the duration and nature of the connection with the person, you may modify these sound, proven approaches.

Bear in mind that your highest priority is to ensure your wellbeing.

New opportunities will open up

When you minimize or remove people who are a drag on your wellbeing, and surround yourself with people who lift you up, you will notice that you feel lighter and more inspired. And you are likely to feel happier.

In fact, you may feel a palpable sense of positive energy, to both share and nurture, the more that you spend time with people who light you up. 

You will be seen by them in your highest light and you will have their support. In turn, you will see all that’s possible for them and relish supporting them.

And when you and the people you choose to connect with are focused together on your journeys, you and they realize great outcomes faster.

In this way, “all boats rise” higher, and with more ease. 

The outcomes can be life-changing

I witness this powerful phenomenon frequently. 

I am surrounded by fantastic colleagues in a master-mind program that offers me these experiences. It is so exciting to receive this kind of support and to provide it.

And I witness it in the women I coach. 

The power of a wonderful group to be in the work together, inspiring one another, celebrating each other, holding each other in the highest light, and being there for others when someone hits a set-back, is incredibly special.

In fact, last week, one woman in my coaching program shared that when having to speak to the media in a moment of tremendous stress and pressure, she found herself calm and able to stay the course in a way that she had not been able to do in the past. She said how much she appreciated being in the work alongside the others, and that watching other great women navigate difficult things had helped her enormously. 

I invite you to carefully choose the people with whom to engage. You deserve to be loved and fully supported.

Let’s talk about control and trust

Most of us long for more control in our lives. We aim to control outcomes, we crave control over others, we want to control external conditions that impact us.

Control is an interesting and tricky topic

Let’s get clear about what we can and cannot control, and where opportunities lie that you may not have considered.

We try and control so much that is not ours to control.

Check out last week’s post, that includes a graphic you can download to remind you of the fundamental things that are in your control, and the things that are outside of your control. (You may want to make a small print-out of the graphic to keep on your desk as a handy reminder!)

We fail to see the gifts we can give ourselves by loosening our tight grip on things we aim to control.

We often hold a tight grip when we’d benefit from allowing others to contribute.

There are a number of reasons we do this.

• We think we need to do the thing ourselves.

• We think we will do it better than others.

• We do not trust others (to do it as well as we would, to do it on time, to do it the way we would like it done, etc.).

We can relieve tension by trusting others to do things their way, knowing that we can assist if need be, or offer help if they flounder.

And by letting others do those things, they are likely to build capabilities that will enable them to independently do more in the future.

And the added benefit of loosening the grip this way is having more time and space for yourself. Consider what might be possible for you if you invite others to take on more.

What if you trusted?

What if you trusted yourself more?

Can you envision really trusting yourself? Taking control of your wellbeing? Having the time you crave because you are able to bring healthy control to what you say yes to, and what you decline? And imagine the outcomes of setting healthy boundaries to enhance your life!

What if you trusted that things will unfold over time?

Rather than trying to force outcomes, can you envision yourself creating ideas and making decisions each day, to influence the outcomes?

What if you held “double trust” — that this is an abundant universe and that you can bring your positive energy and incredible creativity to each day?

What if you trusted the love and support of others?

For all the control so many accomplished women aim to bring to our lives, it is when we trust and welcome others to support us that we give ourselves an enormous gift.

When you allow yourself to receive that support, the pace at which you experience life-changing shifts can be remarkable.

Having a mentor and having the support of other great women alongside you, all on their paths to leading the truly fulfilling lives they yearn for, has been remarkable in my personal experience, and powerful for my clients.

Here is what one client said after the participating in a recent Live Big Live! retreat:

“I have real self-belief now. I trust myself. I can take the wheel, knowing I’ve got this! I have huge new insights about my work from this experience and I’m excited about this stage of my life! I am choosing to live in a positive way.”

You get to shape your life

Can you control everything you wish you could?

No.

Is there magic to make the outcomes you dream of an instant reality?

No.

And…

You do get to take deliberate, meaningful steps to shape your life as you want it to be — in spite of stress, indecision, doubt, or anything else that is challenging you now.

Let’s talk about what you yearn for, what’s in the way for you now, and what’s possible.

I welcome you to schedule a call here: LiveBigCall.com

There's no cost or obligation for us to talk. :-)

You can choose happiness, too

Visiting Galleries in New York made me very happy!

In the midst of an especially busy summer that started with a lot of tiring work-related travel, and with some big deadlines approaching as well as some other stress playing out, I left town to spend a special long weekend with my husband.

We went to New York to celebrate our anniversary, and we had a marvelous time away.

At any other time, a trip like this would be a breeze — full of joyous anticipation and leisurely planning. Given the array of current circumstances, this trip was more of a challenge for me.

Happily, my sweetheart did much of the planning. He surprised me with wonderful places to go, and planned for each day to unfold at a lovely pace. He even got the weather to cooperate! It could not have been more special.

And the truth is, before we left I was not feeling so excited.

As much as I wanted to go away and enjoy this time with him, I had a lot on my mind. I had not been sleeping very well, and was concerned about feeling distracted and preoccupied.

And then I made a choice.

I chose happiness

I remembered that I get to choose the way I respond — to everything in my life.

I decided that I wanted to be happy. And I chose to be.

It would have been easier to allow distracted thoughts to predominate. It would have been easy to fit in bits of work here and there. It would have been easy to check and respond to emails all day, as I am in the habit of doing.

Instead, I chose to be present.

I chose play and fun.

I chose delight and adventure.

I chose love.

I decided that all of the rest could and would wait.

Now, having returned, and having returned my focus to all the matters that preceded our get-away, I’ve made another choice.

I continue to choose happiness

I had help making this choice.

I was reminded of what I can control in my life, and what is out of my control. (Many thanks to a dear teacher and friend for sharing the wisdom with me.)

And I realized that happiness is something I can choose with ease when I bear in mind the wisdom of those two categories.

I realized, too, that I have the choice to feel stressed, or to trust myself to meet my deadlines.

I have the choice to ruminate over things that are contentious or address them calmly as I make a case for what I believe is fair and just.

I will control what is mine to control and not let the rest rob me of happiness.

I welcome you to download the graphic below, that I made to help me remain clear about what I can and cannot control.

What choices are you making now?

If you are thinking about how to make the next part of your life truly fulfilling — to overcome stress, confusion, doubt, or anything else that is challenging you now — you may want to consider having a guide and mentor to support you.

I invite you to schedule a call and we can talk about what’s in the way for you now, and what’s possible. (There's no cost or obligation for us to talk.)

Here’s how to schedule a call: LiveBigCall.com

How to make the most of the last weeks of summer

Here we are, on the other side of the mid-summer shift from July to August.

I hope you have had time to slow down and enjoy the season. I look forward to spending a few special days away at the end of this week, to celebrate my anniversary. :-)

Some of us unplug with ease and are able to be fully present when we are at the beach, visiting an exciting new place, at home on a staycation, or any other adventure. Sometimes a single day is available and that can be magical.

Others of us — and I admit to being prone to this myself — can find it challenging to really disconnect. Even if we resist the beckoning of technology, our distracted thoughts can keep us from savoring the time and space available to relax.

Two mid-summer possibilities and opportunities

1. Appreciate the rich benefits of down time.

There is no question that slowing down, taking a break from the usual routine and intensity of work, and allowing ourselves to be fully present and have fun is good for us.

We are not machines! We need physical rest, and our spirits need to be nurtured.

Research has shown that those who take vacations have lower levels of stress (helping both physical and mental wellbeing), have less risk of heart disease, have a more positive outlook, and are more motivated to achieve. Even planning a vacation has health benefits!

So make the most of whatever summer affords you in terms of time to rest and relax and enjoy.

2. Use this time to dream.

Something amazing can happen when we feel free and allow ourselves to imagine in a playful way.

When you are not hyper-focused on doing — which frequently involves responsibilities related to both personal and work matters — your brain operates differently.

Allowing time to daydream, to explore your thoughts in a journal, or listen to music without multitasking, or sit in a cafe and share personal thoughts with a close friend, you will be amazed at what might pop up.

When our logical, data-focused left brain is quieted, the imaginative right hemisphere takes the lead. We connect more deeply to our intuition. New ideas show up and new possibilities come to mind.

Try prompting yourself with questions like these, to find meaningful gems of insight:

• What makes me feel happy?

• What do I truly yearn for?

• What do I want more of in my life?

(If you know how to use my Discovery Dozen™ — found in my book — by all means use that tool to quickly bring your insights to light!)

It’s important to observe the dreams and desires that showed up for you without judgement, without guilt, and without doubts.

These are important, precious messages from your heart, even if some of them seem surprising or out of reach.

They can be your compass for the future.

Make the most of your insights

By slowing down and relaxing, and choosing to explore your dreams, you will finish the summer with two great gifts — a restored spirit and terrific clarity.

And, you will be beautifully positioned to make the most of the months ahead.

Rather than living on auto-pilot, you can start to consider how you want to create the life you envisioned.

I am not suggesting you make a to-do list of things that feels pressured.

I invite you to begin thinking of small steps you can start to take to make the desires you brought to light tangible.

Summer will soon transition to fall

The coming weeks are ripe with possibility for relaxed play and all sorts of pleasure.

And they are also ripe with possibility for making the coming season — and the next year, and beyond — the most satisfying of your life.

I invite you to consider having a guide to help you turn the dreams in your heart into a reality, one sure step at a time.

As I shared with you last week, my signature program, Live Big Live! is starting soon, and culminates in a fall retreat.

It may be a perfect fit for you to begin creating the life you deeply desire.

Traveling with a GPS that is pointed to a great destination, with loving guidance to support each step of the journey, has been life-changing for the women who have experienced the program.

Let's talk about what you yearn for.

On a call, we can both see if this program is a fit for you.

It would be my pleasure to talk with you no matter the outcome. (There's no cost or obligation for us to have a call.)

Here’s how to schedule our call:

LiveBigCall.com

Are you ready to stop struggling?

You have likely heard the Buddhist quote, “Suffering is optional.”

I noticed it coming up in different contexts lately. And when things show up with frequency like that, it is a sign for me to pay attention.

Most of us hold on to hurt, resentment and anger

I don’t know about you, but in the past it was a challenge for me to “let go” when things happened that felt unfair or unjust.

It was easy to stew in the emotion, to turn it over and over in my mind, and to talk about it at length with others — which often fomented more upsetting emotion about the issue.

This went far beyond processing and evaluating.

More often than not, upsetting thoughts about the matter at hand grew and festered, often leading to distraction, stress and poor sleep.

After decades of suffering in this way when such issues arose, I found it was possible to approach things differently.

“Don’t let it land”

This sage advice was offered to me by my husband years ago, when someone said something to me that felt deeply hurtful.

I have no recollection of the offending remark, but I never forgot the concept he suggested I adopt.

However, I was a slow learner.

I found it difficult to let the hurt roll off, to not “land” and get lodged in my thoughts.

Fortunately, with much practice, my ability to keep things from landing has improved. I am grateful to have been gifted this sage concept.

And not long ago I was offered yet another juicy bit of wisdom that I am glad to share with you.

You can drop the rope

When we are in a struggle — with someone else, and even within ourselves — there’s a lot of tension.

That tension usually involves tugging. Think of the tug of war games we all played at camp, or outings in the park. Can you recall how much effort you expended?

What if, instead of the pulling and tugging and huffing and puffing, you chose to drop the rope and stop?

While the back and forth struggles we tend to engage in as we try to defend a position, make a case, convince someone, and even beg for reasonableness can sometimes lead to something more positive, there are many times when that is not the result.

We sink deeper into pain, frustration, and even alienation from the other party.

And who do we hurt the most?

Ourselves.

That is when we can choose something else — to simply drop the rope.

By letting it go, we spare ourselves. And the other party often looses interest, if (as can be the case) they no longer get the satisfaction of provoking you.

When I have made the choice to drop the rope, I have felt remarkably liberated.

We get to choose

We often have to endure things that are not as we wish, or deal with pain. How much we suffer, however, is within our control.

Why not choose your own peace of mind and wellbeing?

Why not choose to stop tolerating things that you are able to be free of?

When we make intentional choices like these, we have agency in our lives. We create a new and better way to move through our lives.

See what I did there? I shared a small but meaningful way you can create the bigger, happier life you desire.

A glorious gift you can always give yourself

Summer is the season when many of us head to the beach or other vacation getaways. Think having time to kick back, relax, read, and play.

After many weeks of being on the go, I am grateful to have had a short but marvelous summer getaway this past weekend. We went to celebrate a family birthday, and had no idea of how wonderful an experience we were in for. Even enduring a long travel delay to get home, it was marvelously restorative.

And one reason for the peak experience came as a surprise.

The gift I did not expect

It was certainly wonderful to be with family we rarely see, as everyone is geographically dispersed. Multiple generations (ages ranged from late 80s to a precious 3-month old) connected with joy.

And the setting was remarkable.

Being on the Maryland shore was incredibly beautiful, and the vistas of water and sky were amazing. Even with high temperatures and humidity, there were breezes that invited us onto verandas for conversation and snoozes.

I did not think it could get better than that. Until it did.

As dusk turned to dark, nature created a quiet symphony. The sounds of water gently lapping against the rocks mixed with sounds of air moving through the tress. Frogs chimed in with wonderful croaking. Fireflies created moments of sparkle that made the experience even more magical.

Nature’s gifts are always available

No matter where we live, we can choose to take time and look for wonder.

We can seek out beautiful quiet places and savor the subtle but glorious gifts that nature offers us.

Take it in with your eyes, your ears, and your heart.

I intend to give myself this gift often.

I invite you to join me.