Are you missing the joy of the season?

Are you able to give yourself a break?

Can you let go of expectations?

Think about the perceived expectations of others that occupy your thoughts, as well as the expectations you impose on yourself.

This is territory I know well, and at this time of year, when the world around us is in a whirl, thinking about all of those expectations, and which you may want to let go of, can be a great gift to give yourself.

What expectations are adding pressure now?  

Let’s look at work

Many business executives, entrepreneurs, and other professionals are focused on year-end results. For some that includes closing as much business as possible in the last weeks of the year. For some there are projects to complete before the calendar turns.

While those expectations can be internal, they often come from bosses, investors, clients or shareholders.

For those feeling expectations like these, there is some relief in knowing that we can muscle through a few weeks and start anew in the new year.

Next, let’s think about the holidays

This season impacts people in many different ways.

Some are fully into the holiday party scene. They love decorating, hosting and gifting. Shopping for or planning great outfits, salon trips for fresh haircuts and manicures, are a joy for them.

For many, this season feels heavier.

They bristle at the expectations to be merry, look perfect, set a photo-worthy table and serve or contribute amazing food. They find expectations to give a perfect gift to everyone on a long list to be stressful — emotionally, financially, and physically. There are often a host of family expectations that weigh people down.

Most of these expectations can be a combination of external and internal.

And then there are all of the “shoulds” in our heads 

Let’s start with the expectation many have that we should feel happy at this time of year. That’s a tall order, even for those who are typically upbeat.

Maybe you feel that you should show up — for everything. Parties of all kinds, school programs, work events, neighborhood gatherings, religious services, family get-togethers, local ceremonies, cookie-swaps and more.

Maybe you feel you should — or must — shower everyone with cards and gifts. And if you think that gift or card should be fancy and expensive, or should be made by hand, that adds handsomely to the pressure.

Perhaps you feel expectations for how you should show up or should perform. This can be because you are a woman, or a minority, or the traditional host, or the person who does not align squarely with the values of others in a family or group, or any number of other reasons.

And then there’s the should of perfection — doing it all and doing it all perfectly. This is an especially heavy burden that many of us carry 365 days a year.

What if it could be different?

If the thought of any, or many of these expectations gives you a sinking feeling, I invite you to think about the power you have to let go of expectations — whether they are expectations you perceive from others, or expectations you have for yourself.

Can you imagine how it would feel to be free of them?

The first step in finding that freedom is to be aware of which expectations weigh you down, and decide that you want to make a change.

When you are clear about both the expectation(s), and have considered the source, try these steps.

1. Ask yourself if you feel deserving of your true desires — the desires that are in opposition to one or more expectations. Can you feel ok about not [fill in a blank from the expectations described above, or something I did not enumerate].

This may be easier for some than others, and I do not suggest it’s as easy as simply saying “yes” if that feels untrue.

If you feel deserving, you are on your way to dropping the pressure of the expectation.

If this idea is a challenge for you, spend some time celebrating all of your special qualities. Ask people who love you what they most admire about you. See if you can feel as deserving of yourself as you’d want someone you love to feel about themselves.

2. When you feel you deserve to do things the way you wish/if you wish, this step may take some courage, but you can state your preferences.

This is your opportunity to gently bow out of attending an event, or choose to get someone a small thoughtful gift rather than break the bank, or choose not to care if your table looks “perfect” — or like someone else’s idea of “perfect.”

Start with something small to test this out, and continue to let go of expectations one by one.

3. After each effort, be sure to celebrate yourself.

Savor the space, the ease, the pleasure you get to experience.

Then focus on gratitude — for yourself, and the gift you gave yourself by letting go of an expectation you are free of.

Sending you much love for this holiday season.

Recalling 3 special gifts my mother gave me

I don’t know about you, but I just realized that Mother’s Day is coming up this weekend!

Mother’s Day is bittersweet for me. It’s wonderful being with my children and two precious grandchildren. But ever since I lost my mother in August 2020, anticipating the day brings back memories of family celebrations over many decades that make me long to embrace my mother again, and see her smile.

I am savoring those sweet memories (including her delight at being with us at my son’s college graduation, that you can see in the photo above), and recalling how much she influenced not only me, but countless others.

My mother’s wisdom

If you are a long-time reader of my Big Ideas, you may recall the post I wrote about my mother's lessons for all of us, that was written soon after she died.

Today I am thinking again about some of the ways she enriched not only her family and friends, but the many ways she had a huge impact that spread far like ripples. Her influence continues to enrich countless people who often speak to me about her.

Here are a few gems I am thinking about and want to share.

When we care about others they remember and are grateful

My mother loved people. Many of my friends continue to recall how much they loved hanging at our house, and secretly wished my mother was theirs.

My mother could meet you at a cafe or sit next to you on a plane ride, and strike up such a rich connection that she would then introduce you to others with whom you’d click right away.

She was genuine and warm and cared. This is something we can all consider when we have opportunities to connect to others.

When we share what we love we inspire others

My mother had a deep love for beautiful things. She loved art. She loved being in nature and seeing beautiful vistas. She set the most exquisite tables (and cooked exquisite food to put on those tables). Many friends have shared stories about how she helped them rearrange a bookcase, or a room, or their kitchen cabinets, so they were both beautiful and functional.

I grew up thinking that everyone was surrounded by beauty and appreciated beauty. I came to realize that that is far from universal.

By tuning in to beauty, and creating moments that are beautiful whenever possible, you add delight to your life and you delight and inspire others.

When we love with a whole heart we create a wonderful life

My mother was full of love. Does that mean she lived a dream life? None of us are blessed with a life that is “perfect.”

And still, love was front and center in her life, and its role was great.

She loved my father for over 70 years. She loved her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren. Taking her children, and later her grandchildren, on trips meant the world to her — and created many lasting sweet memories. She had deep friendships and spread her smile and love with tremendous generosity.

One amazing way my mother expressed love was through her art. The sketchbooks she filled on vacations, the paintings and prints and drawings that filled our home, all transmitted her love.

I have come to see how much she created, in ways I did not appreciate growing up.

Fueled by love, she created deep meaningful connections. Fueled by love she created environments that were a joy to be in. Fueled by love, she generously helped others. Fueled by love, her culinary creations were legendary. Fueled by love, she adventured to far-off places and brought home stories and drawings to share the delight she felt.

Thanks to my mother, I fuel my life with love

I have made love a great focus in my life. I try and bring that energy to everything I do.

One thing I was inspired to do is study, practice, and teach about the importance of self-love. This is one form of love I wish my mother had made a greater focus for herself.

Why do I consider self-love to be so important? When we truly love and value and believe in ourselves and our gifts, we can bring the greatest love to others, and to everything we do.

I invite you to consider all the ways you can bring a deeper focus to love, and find inspiration for all you do when you make love your starting point.

Rather than having fear, or anger, or anxiety intrude, choose to start with love. Bring it into your relationships, and into the the work you do, and into your orientation to everything, every day.

You will give yourself a magnificent gift and you will spread love far and wide.

In fact, like my mother, you may never even realize the influence you will have.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

Don’t miss out on the subtle gifts of the season

There is no doubt that living through the pandemic for over 2 years has changed us. Even those fortunate enough to have remained healthy and working productively are realizing ways that they have been impacted.

Researchers are now sharing more insights about sleep interruption; mental health problems caused by isolation, grief and worry; stress associated with everything from economic changes to parenting children of every age; and physical challenges that include unusually early starts of menstruation, weight gain, lack of exercise, and the damage the body suffers from sitting for hours on end.

I am grateful that spring (which is just becoming evident here in New England) is here — on the calendar and in front of our eyes. With this new season we can approach our lives in many ways that will support our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Spring offers many gifts

Most of us think about spring as a time of warmer temperatures, blooming flowers and trees, and the delight of being outdoors with ease.

And I am grateful for all of that!

There is also a deeper layer of opportunity and insight we can explore. We are more closely connected to the rhythms and energy of nature than many of us realize. There is an intelligence in nature we can tap into now.

We just lived through the season of winter and receptivity.

Nature inspired us to be more quiet and reflective, connecting to deep inner knowing. It was a time to dream and feel inspired to create visions for what we want.

Spring shifts us into the season of embodiment — and this is a time to focus on being.

We can focus on becoming the person who will activate the insights and visions of winter — and become energized to plant the seeds for all that we dreamed of creating.

When we are fully embodied, awakened and inspired, we can plant the seeds with care and tend to the seeds. Even when challenges appear (which is inevitable), we can keep our energy strong, stay focused, and bring loving devotion to the effort of nurturing what we aim to create.

How to embrace the energy of the season

When I embark on anything new — and I have a lot of new things I am planting seeds for now — I first aim to feel as inspired as possible. One thing that always opens my heart is seeing great art.

This weekend I went to the Museum of Fine Arts (for only the second time since the start of the pandemic). I chose to spend most of my time in galleries that were not crowded, and the gift was that I found incredible treasures. They provided wonderful inspiration.

A brisk walk near the museum offered a great wake-up for many muscle groups in my stiff body. And spotting early signs of color and plant growth lifted my spirits to even great heights.

While it was not on my plan for the day, when I got home I felt a huge desire to paint! I turned on my favorite music and three hours of creating flew by. New ideas came pouring in, too.

This positioned me to start the week filled with energy, brimming with big ideas, and feeling physically vibrant.

How will you make the most of the season?

Each day we have the opportunity to renew and bolster our energy, to support vibrant physical wellbeing and a strong spirit.

As you focus on who you are becoming in this season of growth, think about what seeds you feel called to plant now.

And think about how will you keep your energy strong, to tend to them over time.

Spend a few minutes focusing on what lights you up, opens your heart, inspires you. What opportunities are accessible to you, to excite you now?

Maybe you will pass on a museum visit and hop on your bike, or plan a social event with special friends in a gorgeous place, or try a new kind of yoga, or play an instrument, or start a dance party, or explore a scenic town.

I would love to hear what you choose, and what happens when you activate your energy to make the most of this glorious season. Leave a comment, or email me.

Stay safe and well, and create your life with joy.

These 3 questions may wake up your heart

Last week I had the privilege of spending four inspiring days doing deep personal work. I shared the experience with an amazing group of people, led by my remarkable coach, Michelle Villalobos.

Michelle is a business coach. I initially wanted her help to build my coaching practice, and she has certainly helped me do that. But the reason I continue to work with her is that she is on a path of doing her own deep work. She is focused on being — on who she is and how she shows up in her life — and she is a fearless explorer of this territory. She brings what she is learning into the lives of her clients.

If you have read my book, you know how aligned Michelle and I are about the importance of focusing on who we are becoming and how we show up in the world. We both believe that this is the key to being a leader in your life, which then makes it easier to build a great business — or do anything else you set out to do.

To impact the world with your gifts you need to start with the inside work.

What I dove into last week

The theme of our retreat was big: creating the new. As you can imagine, this was immensely meaningful for me. We explored how we create, what each person’s ideas are for the new they want to create, and what it will take, personally, for each of us to audaciously create in ways that will have a tremendous impact.

This was intense work, but there was also play!

I loved experiencing an afternoon of freedom, fun and laughter as I allowed myself to create with crazy materials, fueled by great music. I let go of concern about making something “good” and drew from my intuition without overthinking. It was liberating and I loved my imperfect finished piece.

And I loved watching people, some of whom had not made art since they were kids, and many who declared they did not consider themselves creative, allowing themselves to relax, play freely, and make amazing works. I witnessed joy as they shared, many claiming that they loved what they made and loved their new beliefs about themselves.

Why community is important

Magic happens when people gather this way. We learn from one another and inspire one another. The time away from “real life” gives us so much to bring back and apply to the work we do. And it supports us to each live with more awareness and intention.

3 questions you can ask yourself now

As I integrate the powerful experience I lived, I am happy to share several questions I was asked to answer. Perhaps they will be helpful and enlightening for you.

1. What can you let go of now to open the way to living your biggest, most promising life?

You might chose to let go of doubt, or perfectionism, or fear, or an old story that does not serve you — or any other limitation you want to release.

2. What power, within you, do you want to claim?

You might want to claim courage, or conviction, or passion for a cause, to name a few possibilities.

3. What new quality or project or mission do you yearn to bring into being, that will make an impact on your own life, and by extension can impact the world around you?

This question may sound daunting to ponder, but I invite you to consider that every meaningful creation you aim for — be it small or grand — can be life-changing for you, and can have ripple effects that reach beyond what you can even imagine.

Do you feel called to step into something bigger?

My work, my mission, is to unleash the untapped creative capacity inside women (and men) everywhere, so they bring all of their greatness into the world.

I am committed to using the power of love as the driving force of my work, because I know love can inspire people to embrace their full capacity to create, express and expand.

This vision inspires me every day.

And as grand as that mission sounds (and I hold a huge vision for what it will look like in the future), the growth is rooted in many small first steps.

Over and over again, what appear to be small events fuel the expansion of my mission. It’s all about having one conversation at a time.

In each connection with a woman who hears a voice inside (that may be whispering or may be shouting) that she is ready to let go of what is in her way; that she wants to find, claim and leverage her power; and that she wants to usher in something new and important to create a brighter future, a connection is made. And there is a possibility that we may be aligned.

When there is alignment, when we both believe that my support can help a woman to stop living small and step into creating her biggest life, there is true magic. Nothing is more gratifying for me than to usher in greatness and set ripple effects into motion.

And when a group of great women embark on the work with me, the power of the community accelerates the growth of each individual!

Taking a small first step can be your portal to a big future

If you feel called to take a big step up in your life, let’s make a date to talk soon. Simply email me and we’ll make that happen.

There may be alignment, or not, but one things is certain: It will be a meaningful conversation that will have an impact in your life.

And that aligns perfectly for me.

Stay safe and well, and create with joy.

Most of us miss some of the gifts of gratitude

I hope you enjoyed a special day of thanks last week (even if you are not in the US, where we celebrated Thanksgiving Day).

Many of us gathered with friends and family and were especially thankful to be able to be physically together, rather than on zoom. We enjoyed lovely food and expressed thanks for pleasures we often take for granted in the midst of our busy days.

The opportunity we have now, with a new week underway, is to hold onto our focus on gratitude — and expand it.

Gratitude go-to’s

It is obvious to bring our attention to feeing grateful for all that is good — from people we love, to food, shelter and kindness.

Focusing that way on a regular basis — creating a gratitude practice that keeps you tapped in to all that is wonderful in your life — brings tremendous benefits.

(I wrote about the big benefits of gratitude a few years back, that you may want to check out. There is also a chapter on gratitude that begins on page 50 of my book.)

Many of us have a daily gratitude practice, and tune in to smaller moments to appreciate, too. This level of awareness — of a smile from a stranger, the offer of help to carry a heavy package, spotting something surprisingly beautiful in nature, or receiving a thoughtful inquiry about how things are going — makes the benefits of gratitude on our wellbeing even greater.

Now, let’s take the concept of gratitude even deeper.

Often overlooked opportunities for gratitude

What few of us consider is that we can be grateful for things that do not typically spring to mind when we think about counting our blessings.

In this season of “blessing the harvest,” we can expand our perspective to consider all that we are harvesting now.

As the year winds down and we take stock, we can certainly bless our accomplishments, good fortune and bounty. We can also bless our challenges, disappointments, failures and losses.

Why?

Because when we can bless it all, we see how everything we have experienced this year brought us to who we are today. We can appreciate the insights we gained and lessons we learned.

We realize that ultimately, all of it enriched us.

This is the perfect time to bless it all

When we feel grateful for all of what we have experienced, we boost the well-documented benefits of gratitude (that are listed in my book). We let go of regret and stop rehashing the past.

The positive energy we feel can be channelled toward new ways of creating.

This not only helps us now, it supports us to move into 2022 with more optimism and enthusiasm. We feel motivated to start creating, planting new seeds, and taking action boosted by that powerful energy.

A question to ask now

As we head into the last 31 days of 2021 and look beyond to the coming year, ask yourself this question:

How can I bring all of my creative energy to my life — to the work I do, to my relationships, and to living my purpose?

We can all make the last weeks of this year incredibly meaningful and look ahead in anticipation to all that we will embark on in the new year.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.