Crafting your life with purpose

We each choose the life we live. And we get to choose each day.

No matter what is happening we have choices. And we have the opportunity to create.

When my family recently faced the loss of my father, coupled with the sudden illness of one of my sisters, who was in a coma for weeks, it was overwhelming to process all of the emotion and move through everything that needed to be done. Life can sometimes suddenly throw a lot at you.

And even in extreme moments and circumstances, we each get to choose how to respond.

Do you crumble — for a little while or an extended period of time? Do you reach out for help? Do you turn to someone you trust as a sounding board? Do you assess and reassess as you move ahead? Do you pay attention to what you need and try and get it (sleep, food, peace and quiet)? Do you find gratitude even in the midst of pain? 

Many of us miss the opportunity to make conscious choices each day.

Even on an “ordinary day,” no matter how things are going, you get to choose the lens through which to look at circumstances and events.

What are you choosing?

If your day is full of delight, you can choose gratitude, and you can bring that energy into each decision and next choice you make. 

If today is less than stellar, you can also choose gratitude, and you can bring that energy into each decision and next choice you make.

When you choose gratitude, love, generosity, possibility and optimism, everything you do is infused with uplifting energy.

When you choose to create each response, each idea, and each next step to take with that positive uplifting energy, you choose your life.

That’s the key to moving through challenges with more ease, and how you can elevate and accelerate the things that are going well.

When things feel daunting try these 3 steps

Try using this simple process whenever you feel stuck in a low frame of mind:

1. Pause to sit and breathe.

2. Consider the situation.

Take a calm, clear look at what is happening. Can you assess the situation with a broader perspective than when you sat down? 

3. Make a conscious choice.

Choose the response you want to bring to this time.

Feel into your heart and find gratitude. Find love. Think about how you might be generous — to someone else, and to yourself.

Generate as much optimism as possible.

Then consider possibilities for actions, responses, solutions.

Choose to bring as much positive energy into your next step as possible.

As you make choices with intention, you create your best life.

Last week I chose to attend a retreat with my amazing coach and a stellar group of people doing fabulous work in the world. This is the view that greeted me each day. The energy and inspiration of the experience created marvelous fuel for my spirit. 

I’ve created two amazing retreats that are coming up this year. One may be perfect for you to find inspiration to live your biggest life. Email me if you are curious!

Navigating the year-end transition

As we head into the last two weeks of the year, you may feel drawn to look back, or eager to look ahead, and maybe both.

Whether this has been a year to cherish or a year you are eager to leave behind, you surely have meaningful opportunities for insight.

You choose the lens

Let’s first consider reflecting back on 2023 — which I suggested in my last post.

Looking back can reveal a lot for us, and can help us look ahead with clarity and intention for the year we want to live after the calendar turns on New Years Day.

All of us can spot times when things went well. It is important to recall things we took pride in and things to celebrate.

And, all of us can spot times of challenge, disappointment, pain or frustration.

It's in reflecting on the challenges that we get a choice about the lens through which we want to process them.

If you choose a lens of regret you may beat yourself up for not doing better or for having made poor decisions — leaving you with a sinking sensation, or worse.

If, instead, you choose to look at unfortunate events of the past year through the lens of observing lessons learned, or recognizing ways you moved ahead, you may well be able to feel gratitude for positive aspects of those events. 

Perhaps you will see that you were resilient.

Perhaps you can appreciate your strength.

Can you spot creativity in ways you thought about paths forward, or ways you approached a situation?

A focus on gratitude sets you up for success 

When you choose to look through the lens of gratitude, for both the great things and the ways you dealt with difficulties, you fill yourself with positivity.

The energy you feel when you can appreciate the full spectrum of your experiences is powerful. And that energy will support you to think and feel differently as you look ahead to 2024.

Try this next

Pull up your calendar and set aside a little time for yourself to look back, and look ahead. You may want to do this with a buddy, you may want to schedule two sessions — one for looking back and one for looking ahead. You may want to do this in a place you especially enjoy, like a cozy cafe or a comfy chair.

Any way that works for you is great.

It is helpful to scan your 2023 calendar and note the things that jump out to you. There are likely to be highlights you did not acknowledge, or special things that you lost track of. Jot them all down.

And jot down the rough stuff, too. There may be big ones you are thinking of now, and you may well see some reminders of smaller challenges that offer insights when you think about how you responded, overcame obstacles, or found solutions.

With all of the discovery noted, its time to do some writing about the outcomes in 2023 you can appreciate and savor.

And then it is time to look ahead to the fresh new year on the horizon.

What dreams do you want to pursue? How do you want to show up

Consider questions like these:

• What qualities in yourself will you leverage in new ways?

• Do you yearn to lead more boldly? 

• Do you want to be more compassionate (to yourself and/or others)?

• Are you ready to stop doing something the way you have in the past?

• Does it feel like time to try something big or new?

Write about all of the thoughts and ideas that come to mind, without evaluating or judging them, or thinking about how to do any of those things. (There will be time for those questions soon enough.)

Give yourself the gift of time to dream 

In this season of gift-giving, spending time to dream is a precious gift you can give yourself.

Let yourself dream big about the life you want to create in 2024!

It does take any more energy to dream a big dream than a small one. Honor yourself and the desires in your heart, and declare your dreams!

I am dreaming about a year filled with more love, abundant peace, and women (and men!) everywhere living their dreams.

We can collectively bringing more greatness into the world as we all create in meaningful ways. This world needs all of us to show up and live our biggest,best lives.

Are you missing the joy of the season?

Are you able to give yourself a break?

Can you let go of expectations?

Think about the perceived expectations of others that occupy your thoughts, as well as the expectations you impose on yourself.

This is territory I know well, and at this time of year, when the world around us is in a whirl, thinking about all of those expectations, and which you may want to let go of, can be a great gift to give yourself.

What expectations are adding pressure now?  

Let’s look at work

Many business executives, entrepreneurs, and other professionals are focused on year-end results. For some that includes closing as much business as possible in the last weeks of the year. For some there are projects to complete before the calendar turns.

While those expectations can be internal, they often come from bosses, investors, clients or shareholders.

For those feeling expectations like these, there is some relief in knowing that we can muscle through a few weeks and start anew in the new year.

Next, let’s think about the holidays

This season impacts people in many different ways.

Some are fully into the holiday party scene. They love decorating, hosting and gifting. Shopping for or planning great outfits, salon trips for fresh haircuts and manicures, are a joy for them.

For many, this season feels heavier.

They bristle at the expectations to be merry, look perfect, set a photo-worthy table and serve or contribute amazing food. They find expectations to give a perfect gift to everyone on a long list to be stressful — emotionally, financially, and physically. There are often a host of family expectations that weigh people down.

Most of these expectations can be a combination of external and internal.

And then there are all of the “shoulds” in our heads 

Let’s start with the expectation many have that we should feel happy at this time of year. That’s a tall order, even for those who are typically upbeat.

Maybe you feel that you should show up — for everything. Parties of all kinds, school programs, work events, neighborhood gatherings, religious services, family get-togethers, local ceremonies, cookie-swaps and more.

Maybe you feel you should — or must — shower everyone with cards and gifts. And if you think that gift or card should be fancy and expensive, or should be made by hand, that adds handsomely to the pressure.

Perhaps you feel expectations for how you should show up or should perform. This can be because you are a woman, or a minority, or the traditional host, or the person who does not align squarely with the values of others in a family or group, or any number of other reasons.

And then there’s the should of perfection — doing it all and doing it all perfectly. This is an especially heavy burden that many of us carry 365 days a year.

What if it could be different?

If the thought of any, or many of these expectations gives you a sinking feeling, I invite you to think about the power you have to let go of expectations — whether they are expectations you perceive from others, or expectations you have for yourself.

Can you imagine how it would feel to be free of them?

The first step in finding that freedom is to be aware of which expectations weigh you down, and decide that you want to make a change.

When you are clear about both the expectation(s), and have considered the source, try these steps.

1. Ask yourself if you feel deserving of your true desires — the desires that are in opposition to one or more expectations. Can you feel ok about not [fill in a blank from the expectations described above, or something I did not enumerate].

This may be easier for some than others, and I do not suggest it’s as easy as simply saying “yes” if that feels untrue.

If you feel deserving, you are on your way to dropping the pressure of the expectation.

If this idea is a challenge for you, spend some time celebrating all of your special qualities. Ask people who love you what they most admire about you. See if you can feel as deserving of yourself as you’d want someone you love to feel about themselves.

2. When you feel you deserve to do things the way you wish/if you wish, this step may take some courage, but you can state your preferences.

This is your opportunity to gently bow out of attending an event, or choose to get someone a small thoughtful gift rather than break the bank, or choose not to care if your table looks “perfect” — or like someone else’s idea of “perfect.”

Start with something small to test this out, and continue to let go of expectations one by one.

3. After each effort, be sure to celebrate yourself.

Savor the space, the ease, the pleasure you get to experience.

Then focus on gratitude — for yourself, and the gift you gave yourself by letting go of an expectation you are free of.

Sending you much love for this holiday season.

Gratitude can be more complicated than you think

Thanksgiving is upon us, and messages about gratitude are everywhere.

If you’ve read my book, you know I devoted an entire chapter to gratitude. In my experience, bringing a focus to gratitude each day has powerfully supported me to live big, and I believe a regular gratitude practice can do that for everyone.

I could have stopped there, but I have continued to think and learn a lot about gratitude since I published my book.

I invite you to consider an aspect of gratitude, and a question, that I had not thought about until recently, when it was brought to my attention.

What are you grateful for?

It’s likely that you will think that answers to this questions are obvious.

When you ask most people, you often hear, “family” and “health” and things such as fresh food, safety, security, peace, and love.

All of these are wonderful. So are things like feeling gratitude for doing work you love, or for a friendship, or for a gift you received, or for an outcome in an election, or for good weather on a day you have to travel.

I am a big proponent of paying attention to small moments for which you feel grateful — such as the person who gave up a seat for you on a crowded bus, or a smile from a stranger that lifted your spirits, or spotting a surprising glimpse of beautiful color on a dreary day.

The thing I had not ever considered was the suggestion to feel grateful for everything — even things that did not go well, or were hard, or are currently difficult.

Can you bless it all?

You may be thinking, “What a crazy concept!” You might also ask the question, “Why would I want to feel grateful for things I did not want to happen, or do not like?”

I get it. It’s taken me some time to process this idea.

And, I also know that there have been events in my life that, while far from desirable, and some that were absolutely painful (things I would not wish on anyone) that have taught me something meaningful.

Things like that have made me stronger.

Things like that have provided insights and lessons that have made me the particular person I am today, and I truly appreciate them.

That is why the suggestion is to bless it all, to bless all of the harvest.

Bless the lovely fruit and bless the fruit that has been rotten.

Even when you do not yet know the ways you can feel grateful for the pain or disappointment or loss, history shows us that in time, it will all contribute to growth. It is all here, and all happening, for us.

Thus we can bless it.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday

May your Thanksgiving be filled with love and joy — and with gratitude for everything in your life.

How (and what) to celebrate now

Do you feel hectic energy swirling around you this holiday season? While it’s easy to get caught up in all of the activity and emotion, this is an ideal time to carve out some quiet space for yourself.

I invite you to do some resting and reflecting. And while you are at it, this is a great time to celebrate and dream.

Start with gratitude

Look back at the past year with a focus on gratitude. In spite of many challenges, there is always so much for which we can each feel grateful. Include both big and small things on your list, and jot down why you feel grateful for each one.

By the time you finish you are likely to feel filled with awe. (Studies have shown that focusing on gratitude brings enormous physical and emotional benefits. You may want to make this the start of an ongoing gratitude practice.)

Next, celebrate yourself!

Think back over the year with a focus on all the ways you have expanded and grown. Recall things you’ve accomplished and ways you have been resilient, Acknowledge yourself for all of it.

Savor the feelings of pride, joy, and satisfaction. Why not give yourself at least one “Yay me!” each and every day? (I highly recommend it!)

Visualize a wonderful future

With gratitude in your heart and feeling full of self-love after celebrating yourself, take some time to quietly look ahead at the new year. It is full of possibility.

Envision yourself a year from now, living a life that you love.

What does that look like for you? What does it feel like to imagine yourself living a life that excites you? Envision yourself living with purpose, doing work you love alongside great people, feeling joy, caring for your wellbeing, being in wonderful relationships, and living fully expressed.

How will spend your days? Who will you live and work and play with? How will you look? How will you feel?

Hold this vision, and think about it already being your reality.

The life you yearn for can be created

Day by day, you can create clarity about what you want. You can move past what limits you. You can create a future that lights you up.

I know because I have been on this path myself and my life has been transformed.

And I have been honored to guide many incredible women to step into their power and thrive as never before.

Rather than struggling and trying to figure it out on their own, they have begun creating the full, satisfying personal and professional lives they’d been yearning for. They are clear about what they want and who they need to become to create their ideal futures, and step-by-step their visions are becoming their reality.

This is a sacred process. Transformation does not happen instantly. It's in getting started, living with new awareness, and having support to sustain the effort in the course of daily ups and downs, that we can begin to wake up in our lives. We can get and stay clear about the future we want. Every small change we bring into our lives has significance and momentum grows. We revel in appreciation of the lives we are actively creating.

If you feel ready to make big strides in the year ahead, let’s talk.

Email me and share where you are now and your vision for the future, and we’ll talk about how you can get there.

As 2021 winds down, now is the perfect time to explore what is possible for you in 2022.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

What’s weighing you down?

For many of us, looking ahead at the last few weeks of 2021, brings up mixed emotions.

Some of us are already looking back and taking stock of the year. This can feel uplifting, or disappointing, or both.

Some are focused on making the most of the weeks ahead, aiming for a “strong finish” to the calendar year (in business and/or personally). This excites some people and feels intense to others.

Some are excited about celebrating in the upcoming holiday season, while others feel trepidation at the thought of being with particular people, or about travel in uncertain times, or what it will take to prepare for all of that.

I don’t know anyone who feels completely upbeat or completely down. Taking note is a first step to help you enjoy more positive energy.

What’s up for you?

The place to begin is to identify what feels heavy. If you take a few minutes to jot down what those things are, the clarity you’ll gain can help you lighten the emotional load.

Your list may include pressures at work, family discord, overwhelm at too much to do, tough decisions that are looming, tension about things out in the world, health concerns, financial matters, or anything else. It may be a long list, or your list may have one dominant feature.

Consider these possibilities

Seeing it in black and white, can you gain perspective about things that may not be all that problematic?

When we feel stressed, everything seems to expand in importance, but some things on your list are likely to be tasks you can quickly dispatch — or even delegate or drop. And some things can likely be deferred, to attend to after this busy season.

It’s likely that some things that feel overwhelming can be approached in a sequence of small efforts. This will make them feel less daunting, and the big project will be easier and more enjoyable to move through to completion.

Speaking of completion, ask yourself if your timelines and deadlines are realistic, or really required.

And some things on your list may feel heavy because of old scripts and stories you carry, such as feeling like you have to be perfect. Or you have to complete things to meet others’ high expectations. Or you “have to” [fill in the blank] — to make others happy at your own expense.

Maybe you have a “role” in your family that you feel obligated to play, but that frustrates you or feels unjust.

Maybe you feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness, but you can see that there are things on the list that others can help with.

Taking a look at what you can reasonably adjust — with practical changes and in your mental approach — is a great first step to easing the strain you felt as you wrote down the items on your list.

Let’s lighten up

I confess that the pressure I’ve put on myself to be “perfect” and meet the expectations of others have been long-held beliefs that are still works-in-progress for me to release. And being able to ask for help is a practice I have been focused on for a while now, but I continue to need to remind myself that it’s a great thing to do.

The feeling that I must work hard all the time has been a life-long belief that I am currently focused on shifting, and I’m happy to be making progress with it.

We all have deeply entrenched habits and beliefs that do not serve us. And we can all bring awareness to the changes we want to make.

The key is awareness — and from there, consciously making choices that serve us.

Try some or all of these approaches:

What if you trusted that there is an abundance of time to take care of things that really must be done?

Simply approaching the day with that frame of mind makes a huge difference in the energy you feel, and thus the energy you bring to your tasks. This has been a game-changer for me and many of my clients.

What if you let go of the need to do it all and do it all perfectly?

We tell ourselves stories about things we “must do” that often do not need to be done (or not done by us). A quick example is that holiday cookies to not all need to be home-baked — unless that brings you joy and your well-being is not compromised by the time it will take. But the same goes for items of all types on our to-do lists. What can you choose not to do?

And when we aim for perfection for the things we keep on the list, we struggle and sabotage ourselves in so many ways. If, instead we aim for “good” we can feel happier doing the task, and can also allow for happy surprises that may show up when we welcome imperfection. And if we fall short or “fail”? We can laugh, learn from the experience, and move on.

What if you let go of the heaviness?

Our perceptions can make small things feel intense and larger tasks feel even more daunting — or, our perceptions can make things feel doable with ease.

When you change your approach from feeling burdened to feeling that things can move smoothly and be easy or pleasurable, you change your experience. (You may want to check out what I recently shared about how to be a positive thinker.)

And to more easily achieve and sustain a sense of lightness, remember to acknowledge yourself for taking a positive approach. Also acknowledge yourself for all that you accomplish along the way. (Check out the power of giving yourself a “Yay Me” here — something my clients practice and love doing. )

Making gratitude a daily focus also supports us to live positively, which in turn increases joy. (Check out three ways to experience more joy.)

We all have the agency to make changes

The biggest pitfall is feeling helpless about things that add stress to our lives.

By bringing awareness to what is troubling you and taking steps to lower the intensity of stressful emotions and pressures, we can all open to approaching whatever lies ahead with more joy and ease.

Why not try one or more of the ideas suggested above this week and see what works for you? I’d be happy to hear about what you experience. Leave a comment, or email me to let me know.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Most of us miss some of the gifts of gratitude

I hope you enjoyed a special day of thanks last week (even if you are not in the US, where we celebrated Thanksgiving Day).

Many of us gathered with friends and family and were especially thankful to be able to be physically together, rather than on zoom. We enjoyed lovely food and expressed thanks for pleasures we often take for granted in the midst of our busy days.

The opportunity we have now, with a new week underway, is to hold onto our focus on gratitude — and expand it.

Gratitude go-to’s

It is obvious to bring our attention to feeing grateful for all that is good — from people we love, to food, shelter and kindness.

Focusing that way on a regular basis — creating a gratitude practice that keeps you tapped in to all that is wonderful in your life — brings tremendous benefits.

(I wrote about the big benefits of gratitude a few years back, that you may want to check out. There is also a chapter on gratitude that begins on page 50 of my book.)

Many of us have a daily gratitude practice, and tune in to smaller moments to appreciate, too. This level of awareness — of a smile from a stranger, the offer of help to carry a heavy package, spotting something surprisingly beautiful in nature, or receiving a thoughtful inquiry about how things are going — makes the benefits of gratitude on our wellbeing even greater.

Now, let’s take the concept of gratitude even deeper.

Often overlooked opportunities for gratitude

What few of us consider is that we can be grateful for things that do not typically spring to mind when we think about counting our blessings.

In this season of “blessing the harvest,” we can expand our perspective to consider all that we are harvesting now.

As the year winds down and we take stock, we can certainly bless our accomplishments, good fortune and bounty. We can also bless our challenges, disappointments, failures and losses.

Why?

Because when we can bless it all, we see how everything we have experienced this year brought us to who we are today. We can appreciate the insights we gained and lessons we learned.

We realize that ultimately, all of it enriched us.

This is the perfect time to bless it all

When we feel grateful for all of what we have experienced, we boost the well-documented benefits of gratitude (that are listed in my book). We let go of regret and stop rehashing the past.

The positive energy we feel can be channelled toward new ways of creating.

This not only helps us now, it supports us to move into 2022 with more optimism and enthusiasm. We feel motivated to start creating, planting new seeds, and taking action boosted by that powerful energy.

A question to ask now

As we head into the last 31 days of 2021 and look beyond to the coming year, ask yourself this question:

How can I bring all of my creative energy to my life — to the work I do, to my relationships, and to living my purpose?

We can all make the last weeks of this year incredibly meaningful and look ahead in anticipation to all that we will embark on in the new year.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.