This is what taking time for yourself can unlock

How do you show up for yourself? 

Do you prioritize your health?

Do you make happiness a clear focus?

Do you also make space to deeply explore what you desire, what your heart yearns for?

And if you have connected to a deep passion, purpose or desire, have you taken the time to create a clear vision for your future where those desires will be a focal point in your life?

The last two are questions that many women fail to consider. In the midst of a busy life, they focus on what needs to be attended to and squeeze in a bit of self-care and things they enjoy where they can.

And, as the days, months, seasons and years roll along, they often come to realize that something has been missing.

What can happen when you take time for you

Last week at my annual Live Big Live! Retreat, an intimate group of remarkable women came together to explore their biggest desires and create powerful visions for the next part of their lives.

These women made rich connections. As we moved through a 3-day process that included exploration and creative experiences that opened them to insights and awareness, they supported one another to bravely go into their hearts and mine for what matters most to each of them now.

These three examples illustrate what can emerge when you devote a few days of your life to yourself:

One woman…
surprised herself by realizing she is ready to do something bigger and braver than she ever has before. And, even as she shared that she was intimidated by that audacious desire, she declared that she was going to move forward with “baby steps” rather than pull back from fear.

One woman…
realized that her passion for helping other women who are moving through, or are on the other side of abuse, is something she wants to combine with her professional work. She’s not yet sure of how it will happen. She is sure that she will explore and get help and find a way to have the bigger impact she feels is her life’s purpose.

One woman…
discovered that while she came to the retreat with one intention, she realized a need to significantly build self-love — and that learning to fully love and appreciate herself will facilitate her ability to bring her other desires into the world without doubts or struggle.

Here is what one of the retreat participants told me:

“I found what I truly want to create in my life. We all only get one!
And I am ready to articulate it clearly and make it real now.”

Are you ready to create your biggest life?

Choosing yourself — to experience the deep impact of going on a retreat, or to work with a coach — can help you move forward with clarity and focus, to live your best, most satisfying and meaningful life.

The photos below will give you a glimpse into what the Live Big Live! Retreat looked like.

The next retreat I am leading with be L’Aventure Française. It’s a 12-day experience in Paris and the French countryside that was a life-changing experience last year and will be spectacular this fall, October 7 through 20.

I would be delighted to tell you all about that, or explore other ways I may be able to support you to step into all of your creative power and live the passionate life you dream of

Schedule a chat with me here.

The Power of Setting Personal Standards (and why they matter)

Many women operate with so much intensity, aiming to do their work and manage a range of responsibilities in their lives, that they feel triumphant every time they make it through a day having checked off all, or most of, what was on their to-do list.

I see, time and again, that when living at that pace they often skimp on thinking about how they set personal standards — standards for the way they treat themselves and standards for how they expect others to treat them.

Being deliberate about defining and standing by your standards has a huge bearing on the quality of your day-to-day life.

Why set standards?

Whether you do it with careful attention or not, you set agreements with yourself about how you conduct yourself in the world.

Well-considered standards keep you clear as you navigate each day. They also help you to communicate clearly, so others know how you want and expect to be treated.

Clear standards impact the actions you take.

They also help you make decisions such as deciding not to interact with people who are inconsiderate, or otherwise fail to meet your standards of integrity.

When you set clear standards you know when you are willing to compromise and what important matters are non-negotiable.

Having clear standards also enables you to make decisions with ease.

What standards can look like

You may set a standard to treat yourself with respect and kindness. This standard will impact how you take care of yourself and whether you make time for the self-care you define as important to your wellbeing. It also influences the tone and content of your self-talk.

You may set a standard to treat others with honesty, respect and integrity that are in alignment with your values.

You may set a standard that entails creating healthy boundaries — in personal and professional situations.

You may set a standard to be a learner, to build skills or expand your mind. 

A standard you set might focus on what excellence looks like for you, and what you strive for.

The benefits of setting standards with care

When you take the time to think about setting standards that matter to you, and begin to live by those standards, you will feel grounded and clear as you move through your days.

That clarity will also support you to feel confident. You will notice feeling more sure about the actions you take, and that having what likely felt like a challenging conversation in the past is now far less uncomfortable. 

In time, having clear standards supports you to have stronger relationships and to find more satisfaction in your life.

Today’s the perfect time to set a clear standard

While it might feel daunting to consider this topic, you can simply devote a few minutes today to considering one thing you want to establish as a personal standard.

After you put that standard in place you can think about additional standards to bring into your life over time.

The rewards of honoring your clear standards will be felt quickly.

And as you experience the meaningful impact, you will be inspired to continue to clarify and implement new standards.

This is a powerful way to create a spacious, fulfilling life.

What’s stirring in your heart right now?

Maybe you are celebrating a significant life moment this spring.

Families are sharing photos of graduations — from 5th grade into middle school, all the way to PhD completions at universities.

It’s a season of weddings and baby showers, family reunions and birthdays.

My grandchildren turned 6 and 10 in the last few weeks! And I just returned from a family wedding filled with glorious love and joy.

I am also feeling especially delighted about my work now.

I have been leading the prelude to the Live Big Live! Retreat for the last 5 weeks.

Over these weeks I’ve witnessed tremendous insights emerge and special new friendships form as we’ve moved through the virtual portion of the program. This lead-up to our 3 big days together — happening this week — was designed to provide a strong foundation of clarity for each woman, upon which she can build at the retreat.

As we have moved through a weekly sequence of Discovery Sheets, we have shared deeply on group calls. And I have had private coaching sessions with each woman in this fantastic cohort.

I followed my heart

When I created this retreat in 2020 (this is the 11th Live Big Live!), I had a big goal in mind — to provide great women with a process that would guide them to deeply connect to their hearts and desires, and based on that clarity set a compelling vision for the next part of their lives. And, I designed a structured process for each woman to create a personalized way to start making that vision her reality, so that when she left the retreat she would be clear about how to truly live into her vision.

I knew in my heart that we needed more than 3 days together to bring this way of supporting significant change into reality. Thus the idea to meet weekly in advance of the retreat was born.

What do you yearn to create?

I trusted my intuition and my heart when it signaled me that everyone would get her biggest outcome if she came to the retreat with a solid foundation in place that she could build on. 

Other people told me that the additional component of the process was not necessary. They said I did not need to do one-on-one sessions either. They advised me to keep it simple.

And, while that advice might have been fine for others, it was not right for me, and what I wanted to offer the women about whom I care deeply.

Do you have a deep desire to create something new?

Do you feel like there is something more, something bigger you want to pursue?

Even if you do not yet know exactly what that looks like, I invite you to keep the desire alive.

Journal freely and see what emerges. Imagine possibilities and talk about them with people you feel close to.

And get support to accelerate your movement forward. I know that had I tried to create Live Big Live! on my own, it would have taken much longer and would likely have entailed more trial and error than the way I shaped it with the help of my own coach.

Your dreams matter!

When you honor your heart and take a fresh new step toward living a purpose-filled, spacious life, you will find satisfaction and joy.

And all of us will benefit from your energy and contribution.

So connect to your desires and hold them with reverence.

Create ideas, create opportunities, create small steps forward. With every step you will build momentum.

I cannot wait to celebrate you!

From Ideas to Impact: Embrace Your Creative Potential Now

We all have an immense opportunity, each day, to create — in very small ways and in enormous ways.

We have this opportunity because we are all filled with creative power, and that energy is always available to you.

What creation can look like

When most people think about creating, things like being a painter or playing an instrument or writing poems or novels come to mind.

Many people also think creativity is something only extraordinarily talented people can claim.

I invite you to consider that the creative power you possess can be used to fuel creation of kinds you might never have thought about.

Can you imagine creating in these ways?

Focus on thinking like a creator 

Most of us briskly focus on tasks and activities that we need to check off our lists. Rarely do most people pause to take a beat and think about what they might create at each juncture.

Creative thinking means questioning the next step or action to take, being curious, and considering possibilities before acting.

• When you think like a creator you see options for a better approach to recommend or take. 

• You find a path forward that is brighter. 

• You get excited about a way to leverage a good opportunity and make it a great opportunity. 

• You find a better alternative than either of the alternatives someone has put before you.

You become a powerful creator of ideas and visions for what is possible.

Consider all the ways you can express yourself as a creator

There are infinite ways to create expressively, and great reasons to bring this awareness into your life.

If you like to make music, dance, draw or sing, go for it!

If none of the usual ways that most people think to create excite you, here are other ways to create that you may not have thought of as ways to “be creative”:

• If you love to cook, try combining flavors in new ways, consider the colors of foods you will put on a plate together to make the food beautiful, or experiment with dishes from another culture that intrigue you.

• If you enjoy doing things with your hands, knit, make crafts, or try pottery.

• If you like to build things, go for it.

• If you love color, get an adult coloring book, or doodle in fun colors, or pull out glue, scissors and some old magazines and make collages.

And, there is another meaningful way to express yourself as a creator.

Show up fully and share your ideas!

Whether your nature is to speak boldly or softly, saying what you believe, what you want to contribute, what matters to you is an important way to use your creative power.

Let’s create together today and every day!

Try to consider all of your opportunities to think like a creator today.

With a little awareness and focused exploration, you are likely to become a dynamic creative thinker without needing to concentrate on being one!

And experimenting to find ways of expressing yourself creatively can add immense joy to your life, when you create on your own and create with others. 

You will experience elevated positive emotions.

And any time you feel upset or frustrated, expressive creativity can help you to move though difficult emotions.

As we all create in powerful ways, we have a big collective impact.

We can change the world for the better together.

And, if you haven’t checked out my Big Ideas Inner Circle monthly subscription, it’s a great opportunity for you to access a monthly deep dive with me, complete with special exercises that will bring dynamic change to your life — all for the cost of going out for a monthly coffee. Join Big Ideas Inner Circle now!

A simple shift to spark your spirit

Spring is here! Color abounds, people are out in light colorful clothing, and spirits are lifted.

Do you feel the delight of the season?

Do you take time to get outdoors, move, and look all around you?

Do you savor the beauty around you wherever you are?

A chapter in my book is devoted to seeing wonder, and the magic of tuning your attention to the wonders that are all around you all the time.

When you notice a lovely sound, or the way a shadow is cast that makes a great pattern, or look closely at the unfolding of a flower, you light up your heart — and in turn, you elevate your spirit.

What happens when you look for beauty

Intentionally observing beauty (of any kind) is a gift you can give yourself wherever you are, and at any time.

In fact, slowing down and finding beauty in ordinary places and moments can spark delight that is especially joyful.

When you look for beauty you will find it!

And the impact of focusing on and appreciating beauty has significant benefits that might surprise you.

When you see something beautiful any stress you may be feeling is reduced.

When you feel less stress, your mood is elevated. You think and act differently. You are able to focus more, and to consider more perspectives. You are likely to generate more ideas. You feel grateful and inspired.

Studies have shown that you may even show up more confidently, feeling open, positive and clear.

Try keeping a little notebook to jot down moments of wonder you spot this week. You might also note what interested you about that observation, and what it inspires you to think about, or do, or a change you find yourself making.

When you make a little effort and realize the benefits, it won’t be long before spotting wonder will become second-nature for you.

And the benefits will keep on coming.

The Magic of Being Fully Present

How often do you intentionally slow down and bring your full attention to the present moment?

As much as I appreciate the importance and benefits of being fully present (which I devoted an entire chapter to in my book!), I tend to move through my busy days thinking about what has happened (in the immediate past moments as well as events long past), or anticipating what is likely to happen based on decisions and actions I am anticipating or taking. 

I rarely slow down to be fully present.

I typically move from one thing to the next, especially when my calendar is crowded.

Rather than pausing to focus on what I just experienced or what is happening right now, I try to remind myself to get curious and consider what I can — or want to — create that is aligned and best for me as a next step, 

Because over time I have realized that each time I fail to catch myself when falling into the looking back/looking ahead trap, I short-change myself.

The lesson that hit home for me

Two weeks ago I wrote to you on the first full day of an annual writing retreat I have gifted myself for 3 years. Now that I’ve been home I can see even more clearly how meaningful that time was for me.

While I dared to venture into being a painter in 2015, I never envisioned myself also being a writer. (Other than penning my posts each week, I’d never thought to write stories, or a memoir, or poems.)

Writing seemed mysterious, and something other people did.

Then I was invited to listen to women writers read portions of their work, and I met the teacher who guided them. I was impressed, but still did not think of exploring what writing could mean for me.

In December 2023 I was invited to a weekend writing retreat that was offered in Boston, and I decided to step out of my comfort zone and see how it felt to write from the deep voice — as my teacher, Leslie Berliant calls the approach she teaches.

Trusting myself to explore something new turned out to be pivotal in my life. I had a new outlet for expression that has been enormously rewarding.

And one huge benefit I did not notice at the start is that writing slows me down.

The gift of going slow

Writing or painting may not be creative pursuits that you love (though maybe if you try them you will discover that one or both of those ways to connect to your heart and create is exciting).

Maybe you love to be outside and tend your garden.

Maybe you love to create with ingredients in your kitchen.

Maybe you love doing tactile things with your hands, or dreaming up grand initiatives to lead.

Any way that you choose to create with intention will slow you down — whether your ideal pace is shorter sprints or devoting extended time periodically.

Going slow when you get fully absorbed in something that brings you satisfaction, allows you to express yourself, opens your heart, and will positively impact everything else in your life.

Your observations will be keener.

Your intuition will be easier to access.

Your lit up energy will be a magnet for other people. 

Try slowing down to create today

I invite you to test my theory for yourself.

Start with something that appeals to you (maybe pull out colored pencils and an adult coloring book, or do a few pages of doodles) and devote a little piece of your day to it.

Repeat — creating that way or trying other ways to create — in the week ahead.

Take note of how you feel when you slow down and allow yourself to get absorbed in something that brings you pleasure. And how slowing down impacts the other things you focus on in your life.

I’d love to hear about what you experience. Email me and let me know.

Stuck in indecision? Here's what helped me break free.

How do you feel about making decisions?

Maybe you feel clear about some matters and hesitate about others. Maybe making decisions frequently hangs you up.

I vividly recall a conversation with my Production Manager years ago when I was running my design firm. In a 360 annual review conversation she told me that she wanted me to make faster decisions. I was unaware of how much frustration she felt while waiting for me to make decisions. She said deciding more quickly (no matter what I was mulling over) would enable her to take action, and that it would be fine if my decisions were not always “perfect.” We could always course-correct together and keep moving forward. 

That one conversation was a game-changer for me.

As a life-long perfectionist I always fretted over making the “right” — even aiming for a “perfect” — decision. I started to test her theory that things would be better if I made decisions more quickly, and was amazed at the positive impact it had on the work that we and our team did.

We quickly assessed the quality of my decisions and made great progress when they were sound, or adjusted and kept going if we discovered shortcomings.

How do you approach decisions?

Interestingly, challenges with decision-making have been showing up with several of my coaching clients lately, particularly when they face making decisions that are complex and have what feel like big consequences.

Some decisions can be made fairly easily by doing research and coming to a conclusion. Even then, many people start rethinking and questioning and projecting concerns. That can lead to loops of anxious indecision.

Some decisions are not based on facts and logic — such as choosing a paint color for the exterior of a home, or what dress to buy for a significant family event — and bring up anxiety related to other emotions and concerns.

These questions can help when making decisions

Whatever the decision you are making, consider the frame of mind from which are you operating.

Do you feel pressured?

If you pause and realize you feel pressured to make a decision, ask yourself if the pressure you feel is something you have put on yourself, or if it’s from someone else.

You can choose to operate from a new frame of mind when you become aware that you have put the pressure on yourself.

If the pressure is external, you may realize it is not related to a true deadline, and then reset your mindset. If there is a true deadline, you can try to extend the deadline. If that is not possible, asking yourself the following questions can help.

Are your concerns or doubts true?

When you notice you are ruminating on what to do, get curious.

Ask yourself if your doubts are actually true. You may realize they are not, and then feel free to make a decision.

You may realize that you have exaggerated concerns, or maybe that you have invented concerns. Insights like those can be liberating.

What emotion is running the show?

Fear often puts us in a state of struggle when making a decision, or can lead to second-guessing decisions we have made.

One approach that can help is to ask yourself what you would advise someone else facing a similar decision. That separates your fears from the clear thinking you need.

Need more facts? Go after the missing information. If you realize you have reasoned it all out, trust yourself to make a decision.

In the case of decisions like choosing a color for your house, or what to do for a weekend away, ask yourself: “What do I like?” and, “What do I prefer?” and, “What do I desire?”

Your answers will start to narrow the options.

Then get quiet and listen to your intuition. 

It may take some practice, but trusting the intuitive information that resides in your gut is a great way to move forward when you feel stuck in indecision.

And if my old friend perfectionism is at the root of indecision for you, take it from me and practice pushing it aside. I have learned that there is rarely a perfect decision or answer, and that striving for perfection robs you of so much that is wonderful.

Your heart is asking for space—will you listen?

I am away at a writing retreat this week. It is a gift I have given myself for 3 years — time to be in a beautiful rural place, with a great teacher, and in the company of amazing writers.

This gift of time lets me dive deep into my heart. I allow what is there to pour forth, and have often been surprised at what emerges. 

Sometimes the words flow with ease. Many times I need patience, and I often rework what first lands on the page.

This experience is always revelatory and enriching, no matter how it unfolds.

Do you create space to open your heart?

Do you consider the space you create in your life for peace?

For focus?

For rest?

For things that bring you joy?

I was perpetually busy for years on end. The idea of a week away at a retreat would have sounded impossible to me back then. I now cherish time for expression and wonder — whether at a retreat or in small bits during my week.

Most of us live distracted, hectic lives. 

We miss so much when we live this way. And we pay a steep price for it. I frequently see women buckle under the pressure when the pace of their lives becomes unsustainable.

And that can change.

First, dial down the pressure 

Here are ways to ease the grind:

Get clear about what matters most

When you are clear about what is most important to you, you can set criteria for what you want (and sometimes need) to do.

That clarity enables you to let go of things that do not match your criteria. 

Focus on what you say “yes” and “no” to

It’s time to say “yes” only to things that match your clear standards.

Even what seem like small yeses can add up to a lot of time, focus and energy. Be mindful of each time you choose to add something to your schedule or accept a request. 

Sure, there are many things you could do, and might be happy to do. It is also flattering to be invited to join an effort, or lead an initiative, or be on a board, or participate on a project.

With clarity, discernment and commitment to your wellbeing, you will build comfort in communicating your decisions.

Create more space for things that are currently on your plate that need to stay there

Create systems to simplify and streamline processes. (While I have often not found it easy to create new systems, I have asked for help, and love having systems in place that streamline my efforts.)

Get help when you need it! That help can take many forms. What expertise, or extra pair of hands, will make your life easier and reduce stress or fatigue? 

Consider the opportunities to minimize demands by extending deadlines or reducing your effort.

Next choose ways to light yourself up 

The space you are able to create offers new possibilities.

That space is precious. Even small bits of “white space” on your calendar can be quite meaningful.

Let’s say you are able to open a 15-minute window a few times each week. That’s a great start! Think about what you might do in those openings that will bring you joy.

Maybe you will sit outside and look at the sky.

Maybe you will call someone dear to you and share a laugh.

Maybe you will write a poem, or dream up a plan for an adventure, or research a topic that fascinates you.

Maybe you will choose not to fill the space, and just allow your desires in the moment guide you.

When you create delight in any way your spirit will expand.

And that can change your life more ways than you might imagine.

In the Face of Fear, I Create — and Stand Out

We are living in uncertain and challenging times, the likes of which I never imagined.

As the daughter of a man who fled Eurore as the Nazi's invaded his beloved France, and — with his parents and brother — courageouly overcame many perils to reach the United States and create a brilliant life, I feel this moment in the history of our country very personally.

On many days these last months I have felt rocky, distracted, distressed. It has often been a challenge to focus on doing the work I love and am committed to, to look ahead with optimism, and to lead as I feel called to do.

The vision I am commited to more than ever

I am here to activate the creative power that is inside of all of us — so that people everywhere can ignite that power and harness it to fuel their ability to live the bold fulfilling life they deeply desire. 

I believe that the more of us who are able to show up fully and bring our unique gifts into the world with our whole hearts, the faster we will build a better world.

How I am navigating the current landscape

I have turned to what I know — and advocate for, and teach — to be a reliable way to keep grounded and to process emotions that sometimes feel overwhelming.

I have been creating.

I have devoted more time to painting in my studio, as well as to writing.

I use my emotions as fuel, and find that each time I dive in and express myself on a canvas I feel release and satisfaction — and I feel powerful.

I have just started to create a series of paintings inspired by the book, On Tyranny, Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century, by Timothy Snyder.

I have been turning to this small book often these last months, and am amplifying some of the inspiring ideas in its chapters.

I have rarely shared my paintings these last years, as I have been building my skills and finding my voice as an abstract painter.

And today I feel the urge to share my latest painting — even as I am not sure it is finished, or what I may do next with it. 

“Stand out” is the title of a chapter in On Tyranny that resonates deeply for me.

It invites us to do or say something different, and that without the willingness to feel the unease of speaking up or taking action to stand out, there is no freedom.

Professor Snyder states that when we set an example, others will follow.

And so I am bravely standing out here.

I am sharing in a way that feels quite vulnerable, encouraging myself to do so knowing I might inspire you to stand out — in any way that you are able or feel called to do.

You may not paint a canvas. You may not publish something you write. Find a way to express yourself that is meaningful and works for you.

I do invite you to share what you create, or express yourself visibly, in some way. Stand out and inspire — even if you do it with just one person.

It is an important act, that can help to build a better future.

What are you ready to release?

If you, like so many people, find it hard to let go — of anger, or resentment, or struggles with other people or conditions that you find frustrating or unjust — you are likely aware of how much preoccupations like those interfere with your ability to be your best.

All of that focus on trying to change and control things takes a huge toll.

It’s exhausting.

Why so many of us struggle with control 

We hold tight when we dearly want to control things or force changes. 

We feel like letting go will be giving up.

Many of us feel like it will mean we have failed.

The truth is that we can only control our own thoughts and actions. That is where our power lies, and accepting that is where we find freedom and peace.

Consider these things you might let go of

I have learned over time that there is freedom in letting go of many things.

Some that I am glad to have let go of are:

• trying to control what other people do

• relationships with people whose actions are not aligned with my values, or whose energy depletes me

• ideas about who I need to be to meet others’ expectations

• caring about how other people may judge me

• my definition of personal success

• stories I have told myself that are outdated or untrue

• the speed that things ”should“ take — for me to complete or to be done by others

I have come to understand that I can only control my own thoughts, expectations, and actions.

I invite you to think about ways you hold tight and might release the grip.

Make a list, choose a place to start, and try to ease up— even a little — today. As you keep this awareness and focus, and gradually allow yourself to experience the power of letting go, savor the space and freedom you create.

Assessing Your Life Roles: Find Clarity and Purpose

We all play many roles in life.

We play roles at work.

No matter what position you hold in an organization, or as an entrepreneur or consultant, you may play roles that are fully aligned and that you enjoy, and you may have roles that have been imposed on you, or that you volunteered for, that are not so satisfying.

We play roles at home and in our personal relationships.

We often play roles by default — such as being the one who takes care of shopping and meal preparation, or handling finances, or arranging children’s schedules, or being responsible for a host of matters related to aging parents.

While we may find some roles suit us well, we may feel saddled by others.

Taking the time to assess the roles you play and how they are working for you can help you to recognize the ways you spend time that is fulfilling and meaningful, and ways that you may be feeling resentful or overburdened.

When you gain insight about the roles you play, you will be positioned to make decisions that best support your wellbeing.

Here are questions that can help you find clarity.

4 steps to sharpen your awareness

Most people drift day to day and operate in roles that may range from making them feel gratified and proud, to mildly annoyed, or sadly, to playing roles that are deeply problematic.

That drifting can go in for months and years, and when things are less than rewarding it takes a toll. 

I invite you to take a few minutes and ask yourself some meaningful clarifying questions, so that you can live with awareness and make changes if you spot issues you have allowed to continue without considering alternatives.

Take the time to answer the questions with care, They can shed meaningful light on many of the ways you spend your time and use your precious energy.

1. Take an inventory of the many roles you play.

What roles am I playing in my professional life?

What roles am I playing in my personal life, in my family, and with friends?

What roles am I playing in my civic life, or as a volunteer, or in my community?

2. Assess your satisfaction with the roles you play.

Which of my roles do I like — and maybe treasure?

Which of my roles would I drop, or hand off, if I could?

Did I choose the roles I like?

Did I choose the roles I do not want?

Did I default to playing some of the roles, or accept some roles, and now regret some of my decisions?

3. Consider the size of the roles you play.

How much time and energy do the key roles I play demand of me?

Have I accepted, or volunteered for, bigger roles or more demanding roles than I am comfortably able to handle?

Are there roles I yearn to expand?

4. Expand your assessment. 

Am I focused on the outcomes I want in all of the roles I play?

How do I show up in various roles? Am I excited? Bold? Reluctant? Do I inspire others?

Do I invite others in or play solo?

Do I do the bare minimum, devote an ideal amount of effort, or do I go beyond what is required, expected, or necessary?

Do some of my roles rob me of other opportunities for satisfaction and joy?

Optimize your path forward

Now that you have clarity about the roles you currently play, you can keep the roles that are positive, expand on some that are more limited than you wish, and takes steps to change — minimize, reduce, or eliminate — the roles that are not aligned for you.

When you commit to the roles that matter, and show up fully — boldly, with an open heart, a generous spirit — you will have your biggest, most meaningful and rewarding impact.

As you move forward with awareness and clarity, and regularly commit to shaping the roles you play with intention, you will build a future that optimizes satisfaction and reduces stress.

And you can ask for help to move into your best future with without the struggle of finding your way alone. Having an outside perspective and guidance can speed your progress.

I always welcome you to reach out. Email me any time.

How to Keep Worry from Hijacking Your Focus

A question has been coming up in many of my conversations these days (when I am coaching, networking, and in social settings). It’s one that I find myself dealing with, too, in the current chaotic external environment.

How to manage distraction, distress and worry?

I have thought a lot (as you may have) about how to keep significant concerns from hijacking my attention, dimming my spirit, and hampering my ability to do the important work I am committed to.

To support women to show up fully and boldly, so they can do their important work in the world and live without stress or overwhelm, I’ve been exploring simple and meaningful ways to stand steady. 

I believe that we can all tap and ignite the creative power we possess to live our best lives with grace, and I’m happy to share what has worked well for me.

Consider new ways to start your day

I used to hear my alarm, hop out of bed, turn on the news as I quickly washed and dressed, and rush through breakfast before beginning to work. (Back when my morning also included getting children off to school and commuting to an office, it was even more hectic.)

Year after year went by that way, until I began to consider that there might be a better way to set myself up for a great day.

In shaping new ways to start my day, and refining them over time, I’ve experienced many benefits.

I hope the practices I use now to ground and center myself will inspire you to start your day with intention.

Here are 3 approaches to explore

These practices can help you set a positive mindset and get clear about how you want to focus your attention for the day ahead.

1. Go to bed 10 minutes earlier, then set aside the first 10 minutes of your morning for yourself.

By choosing to have 10 sweet minutes of quiet (or more if you want!), you can choose what to do with that piece of quiet time.

While 10 minutes may not sound like much, using that time in a meaningful way that supports your wellbeing can significantly impact how you will feel and operate the rest of the day.

2. Create your 10-minute oasis.

Your “me time” can be structured in a variety of ways. You get to choose what will be the best for you.

Consider these favorites of mine, and experiment until you find what works best for you.

• Spend 5 minutes with a journal

Keep a small journal and pen by your bedside. As soon as your alarm sounds and you sit up, start writing. Aim for one page — which will likely take 5 minutes to fill.

Write about how you feel. Include any concerns you may have carried over from the day before, or from a disturbing dream, or that you have about the day ahead.

Next, write down how you want to feel today. You might note things like feeling positive, trusting, strong, loving, well-supported, creative, decisive, etc.

End by expressing gratitude (go for at least 3 things).

• Move your body

My morning routine includes some stretching after I get out of bed. (I do a longer workout and take yoga classes at other times.)

You might have weights handy and do some reps, or dancing might be your jam. By all means run or walk outside if you love that and are able to make time for it.

The idea is to move intentionally.

3.  Create a soundtrack for your day.

I have several vibes I choose from to help me feel great as I get ready for my day. Some are mellow, some more upbeat, some have vocals and some are instrumental.

I listen to my chosen music as I wash, dress, eat breakfast and transition to working at my desk. I always find that the soundtrack I choose supports me to stay in a positive, centered frame of mind.

Let’s all create our best possible days

The energy you bring to your day impacts everything you do.

It also impacts the people around you.

We all know what it is like to be around people who are anxious, ill-tempered, or gruff, and how that impedes our ability to stay clear, positive and creative.

When you show up feeling grounded, positive, and able to create your best day with a clear head and and open heart, your energy will be felt by others and will positively influence them.

Imagine more of us contributing positive energy, and that energy spreading far and wide. The impact can be enormous.

Let’s do this together.

I am always happy to hear from you. Tell me what is keeping you from living the life you truly yearn for.

Simplify to Succeed: How Focus Unlocks Real Results

It’s easy for life to get complicated — I slip into that trap often!

So what can you do when you realize that things are overwhelmingly complex?

I have learned that when I slow down and look at things through a new lens, I am able to operate in a new way.

Adopting a few steps can make a world of difference for you, too, so that you will feel better and be more effective.

When you learn how to simplify and focus on distilling to the essence, you’ll reap huge benefits.

1. Begin with clarity 

Having clarity is powerful.

Take a beat and ask yourself: What is most important today?

This may be easy for you, or may it take time for you to bring a clear focus to each day. It will be worth the effort!

Make a daily practice of starting your morning with a thoughtful decision about one thing that will be your primary focus of the day. You might have a dedicated note pad ready to pick up each morning to write down that priority.

It is typical to think there must be 2, 3 or more things to put on that sheet, but do not include more than 3 things on any day!

Be sure you choose 1 clear focus to begin with, knowing it will help you get to numbers 2 and 3 more quickly (and feel better when you get to them!).

And stay alert to things (and people) that pull your attention into other directions.

You may find that you need to deliberately return to the focus you chose for your day multiple times. I promise it will be worth the effort.

2. Decide on the easiest place to start

Choose one simple thing that will be the most effective action to take to move your key priority forward.

And after you take that action, ask yourself this question again:

What one simple thing can I do next to move this forward?

Repeat as you go through your day.

3. Communicate clearly and simply

Focus on communicating with as much simplicity and clarity as possible.

Whether you write emails, meet with people, set agendas, speak to audiences, or plan presentations, keep your messages direct and clear. That will make it easier to communicate dynamically, too.

You will be better understood, you’ll get more buy-in, command more attention, and achieve your objectives with more ease.

And remember that you can be clear and commanding while using a tone that is truly authentic. Clear communication delivered authentically will naturally engage and influence people.

Cultivating a direct, simple and authentic way of communicating takes focus. With consistency and practice, it will become your natural way of operating.

Sustain your focus and thrive!

I hope that using these steps will have a positive impact on your day-to-day life.

There are, of course, other things that can help you keep focused and get the most important things done.

Delegating tasks is always a great idea, as is considering who you might turn to for help.

And you might consider coaching support, if the big picture question of what you want your life’s focus to be is something you’re thinking about, or to help you navigate day-to-day challenges.

You can schedule a chat with me here.

How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Move Forward

Are you tough on yourself? 

I certainly was harsh and judgmental with myself for much of my life.

With attention in the last years, I have sharpened my awareness and shifted my thinking when I notice that I’ve slipped into criticizing or berating myself. 

The danger of harsh self-talk

Any time you tell yourself something like

• “Work harder and make it perfect!”

• “I feel like such a fraud.”

• “Who are you to try something so audacious?”

• “I am such an idiot for making that stupid mistake!”

your self-critic is running the show. And it’s doing more damage than you may think.

Frequent negative thoughts like those wear you down.

They erode confidence and can slowly grow into a mountain of doubt.

Left unchecked, they can poison your spirit.

It’s time to change your stories 

The truth is that each time you send a negative message to yourself it’s a story, and you can change those stories!

Here’s how.

1. Start by bolstering self-love, in the form of being kind and compassionate to yourself.

After all, you would never say most of the harsh things you say to yourself to someone else! 

It’s time to give yourself some grace. 

2. Aim to catch yourself in the act when you hear yourself spewing a damaging message. Noticing is the first step to making change.

3. Next, change the story — in tone and substance. 

Sure, you may have made a mistake. Who hasn’t? It’s when you can tell yourself it was an inadvertent error, or you can laugh it off, or you apologize and commit to doing more research next time — and then move on — that you will release yourself from stewing about it. You will be free to keep moving forward.

Here’s another example.

If you are a perfectionist, it’s time to embrace this truth: perfect is the enemy of good!

You can tell yourself this new story: It’s really good! Maybe it could be more perfect, and I might do more at some point, but right now I am getting this out to the world!

All negative self-talk can be turned around when you have the awareness that those thoughts are showing up, and you focus on making a shift.

Stick with it!

While negative thinking about myself happens less frequently now, I have learned that this kind of self-talk does not go away completely. 

And, I am happy to say that staying alert to it does get easier.

The more you spot negative thinking in the moment and choose to tell yourself a new story, the more natural it becomes to stay in a positive frame of mind.

You will feel better. You will show up fully. You will have a bigger impact with everything you do!

And that is a remarkable gift you can give yourself.

The ABCs of Self Leadership

As a woman who leads, inspires, and aims to make an impact, if you are feeling stress and overwhelm in a world filled with uncertainty, it’s hard to show up powerfully.

At times like these it is imperative to stay strong, steady, and clearheaded — so that you can do your best work and support others.

I think of it as cultivating self-leadership. With this ability you can lead in every aspect of life and work.

When you cultivate self-leadership you will be able to stay steady with more ease.

What self-leadership looks like

As a visual thinker, I have imagined a few scenarios that you may find helpful to envision what strong self-leadership can mean for you.

Imagine feeling like you are able to stay upright on the deck of a boat in rocky seas.

Imagine feeling like you are a gyroscope, and that when you tip in the wind, or wobble under pressure, or when the sand beneath your feet starts shifting, you always come back up.

Imagine being a tall palm that is flexible and bends in the wind during a storm, and not only stays rooted, but can stand erect again when the winds subside.

Focusing on self-leadership enables you to be strong and resilient.

The A, B, and C of self-leadership

There are many ways people think about and approach “self-leadership.” In the context of attending to your own wellbeing in order to lead and support others effectively, these are the components I offer you to consider.

Action — based on Awareness and Acknowledgement

A key first step is to take stock of what you are feeling. Having tools to help you identify your emotions enables you to then acknowledge what is at play, rather than aiming to simply muscle through when you are feeling less than steady.

With that clarity you can take action to process your emotions, so those heavy emotions move through you rather than hijack you.

And taking action of all kinds is an excellent antidote to feeling disillusioned or stuck, no matter the reason.

Bolster — to show up Boldly

Effective leadership — of yourself and others — requires true belief in yourself. 

Having clarity about the emotions that were hampering you, then processing those emotions to help you step into action, you will see matters more clearly. You can bring a clear head to determining the best ways to move forward, and your confidence will naturally expand. 

And there’s a bonus when you bolster your confidence: You feel that you have agency in situations that would otherwise feel daunting.

Create!

You can create practices that support you to manage stress when it arises. You can create a mindset of curiosity, openness and consideration of new possibilities no matter what shows up. You can create expressively to open your heart.

This is your time to cultivate the creative power inside of you that is waiting to be unleashed. That’s what will make you an unstoppable leader!

A simple shift to bring more joy and ease into your life

How are you? How is your week going?

I have been focusing on the joy in small things, and am delighted at the way approaching my days like that is generating positivity and ease.

As I have looked for moments of joy I’ve found them in small and lovely ways each day.

I made plans with people I love — not to do anything ambitious or elaborate. Sitting over a meal and connecting quietly was joyous.

I called someone dear to me and we caught up. 

I savored the peace I felt in a yoga class and carried it into my day.

As I walked on a cold day, I smiled at the bright sunshine and delighted at the way passive solar energy melted ice.

I sat over a cup of tea after accomplishing something, rather than rushing on to another task.

I experimented with new seasonings that brightened an otherwise ordinary salad.

How will you make space for joy today?

Consider the ways you can look for, and create, moments of joy.

You might start a meeting with a question such as, "What was a moment of delight in your day today?" and see what shows up in the replies.

You might listen to soothing, upbeat music as you do a chore.

You might clear a bit of clutter (one your desk, on a kitchen counter, in a drawer) and enjoy the space you created.

Taking simple actions and observing beauty and wonder around you can bring peace and pleasure to any day.

Joy bears beautiful gifts

Each small moment of joy connects you to your heart and boosts your spirits. 

You brain will release neurotransmitters — dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins and more — that reduce stress and promote pleasure, relaxation and calmness.

You then have a more receptive and positive mindset, that enables you to easily shift your focus to the positive around you.

Loving energy expands.

Peace and calm come naturally.

And with this upward spiral in place, gratitude follows naturally. 

This wonderful energetic state will also impact the people around you, in ways you may see, or never be aware.

Imagine the ripple effect we can all have if we choose to bring more joy into our lives each day.

Let’s do it together!

I am always happy to hear from you. Talk to me about what you yearn to create in your life. We can look at what is in the way now and your path to the future you dream of. 

Feeling wobbly? Here’s how to stay strong.

The new year is in full swing.

We have made it through more of winter than what stands between us and spring warming.

And the world around us has been changing at great speed — and in many alarming ways — since January 20.

You may be feeling wobbly. You may feel able to stay steady. You may be looking ahead with trepidation or feel determined to stand strong. You may feel committed to take action. A mixture of all of the above may be in play for you.

One thing is clear: this will be a year unlike any in our memory. The events swirling around us will impact us personally and in our professional lives.

Importantly, the creative power we are each filled with can be directed as we choose. We can focus our creative power in a singular way or in multiple ways.

What are you choosing now?

A client of mine stood strong and advocated for just policies in her institution. She inspired the president to recommit to the diversity-based values of the institution.

Another client has just published a book that I anticipate will garner significant acclaim in the business world.

Other clients are supporting local causes and donating to organizations that are mounting legal actions that support threatened populations.

One client has offered to open her home to people who need temporary respite if they are in peril, and to women who have had to come to our state for abortion care that is unavailable where they live.

In each case, these remarkable women are choosing to contribute to a better world.

And, each is also focused on bringing joy into her life each day. They create in many ways that fill their spirits. They share generously with others. They stay present and inspired.

Pessimism is paralyzing

We each have an opportunity to make our choices. And when we choose and are committed we have agency.

Should you find yourself feeling frightened, discouraged, angry or hopeless, create in a way that moves the emotion through you (as I wrote about last week), and then make the choice to take action.

Start by supporting your spirit and wellbeing and do something that makes you happy. And consider doing something joyful and uplifting with others.

Joy is an antidote to despair.

Action is an antidote to despair.

Every small action is meaningful. 

Let’s save the world together

As we stay grounded and committed we have great power. My vision is of people everywhere finding creative ways to have a positive impact. 

Both the Talmud and the Quran teach us that when you save one life you save the world.

Support yourself, then do one thing to help someone else. (Check the Creators of Change page for ideas.)

Let’s start there.

Feeling overwhelmed? Try this powerful way to find balance

Are you finding it a challenge to keep from feeling overwhelmed these days?

Maybe, like so many women I am hearing from, you feel dismay at what is happening in our country and the world. You may be easily distracted, making it hard to focus. You may even feel hopeless from time to time.

I get it. I have ups and downs, too. 

And, I know that this is exactly the time I need — we all need — to find ways to feel steady, to take excellent care of ourselves, to find balance and bring hope and joy into our lives every day.

This is how we stay strong as we look at a long road ahead.

One significant tool I can vouch for is expressing the gamut of emotions that show up.

When there is dismay, anger, fear, or stress hijacking my thoughts, having a way to move that loaded emotion through me, so I both feel it and am able to release it, has been enormously helpful.

A resource you may not have considered

A powerful way to cope with a big load of emotion is to choose a way to express it, Get creative as a means of moving your emotions!

Consider these great ways to move emotions and lighten your spirit:

Write out what you feel.

Journal, or write poems, or free-write. Put all the emotion onto a page. (Writing by hand is especially effective, though you can type, too). Keep going until you feel like you’ve poured it all out.

Make art.

Any kind of art is great. Let yourself play with paint, colored pencils or markers, clay, or any other way you feel like making your emotions visual. Be sure to leave judgement out of it! Nobody needs to see what you make — though you may want to share what you’ve made. Your art can be angry and dark. It can express sadness or hopelessness. Let your feelings show up in whatever you create.

Dance. 

Move to music of any kind until your body feels relieved of the load of emotion you started with. It works to dance with loud harsh music, opera, emotional orchestral music, or anything else that feels right to you in the moment.

Make music.

Use an instrument or your voice. If you play an instrument, you have a great resource. You might improvise and drum on a surface that allows you to make sounds that convey what you feel. And singing is a powerful way to express any emotion. Sing along with a recording that moves you. Sing in your car, or in the shower, or while you make your breakfast. Belt it out, or sing or play softly. It all works.

Create in any way you want!

Maybe you like making things with your hands. Maybe you like cooking and experimenting with flavors, textures and colors. Maybe you like gardening. Any way that allows you to release a load of emotion and come to more quiet and calmness is brilliant.

What happens next

Each time I devote a few minutes (or longer) to creating when I feel burdened by emotions, I find that I feel a release. I feel lighter. I am able to move forward without the distress I started with — for a little while and often longer. 

Take a look at a few collages I made while I was away last week. Even with the limited materials I had grabbed to take on my trip, I came up with an idea to use my glue stick and rip up things I had on hand, to create compositions that felt cathartic.

I invite you to give one or more ways of creating a try the next time you need to restore your spirit.

When we are all able to stay grounded and focused, we can make our biggest contributions.

We can bring our unique gifts into the world.

And we can take actions that will make a difference, especially when we do so united with others who are like-minded.

Check out the Creators of Change page on my site, which has growing lists of people and organizations working to do good now.

And I am always happy to hear from you. Talk to me about what you yearn to create in your life, and what is in the way now. 

Discover the surprising power of saying “No”

Each year when Valentine’s Day rolls around the topic of love is front and center.

I am a huge believer in the power of love, and the vast and marvelous ways it can be expressed.

The outcomes of developing self-love cannot be overstated.

Amplifying love shared by those with whom we are close is a gift we can give to ourselves and our dear ones. 

And love is an energy we can all bring into our awareness, and that can collectively impact the greater good near and far. This may be the most under-appreciated aspect of love’s powers.

Self-love is the topic I want to focus on today, as I consider self-love to be the foundation upon which all of the other kinds of wonderful love can most easily be built.

A surprising way to practice self-love

I have shared the fundamentals for understanding self-love and some simple, effective practices for building self-love in past posts. You may want to check out an overview here.

What you may never have considered as a way to to be self-loving is using the word, “No.” 

This simple word — that can be used in a sentence or can stand alone as a full sentence — is a resource that many women resist considering, much less using.

Why it can feel hard to say, “No.”

I often hear women say how overwhelmed they feel. They are committed to doing great things at work, to supporting those around them, to running their households, to caring for children and/or parents, to volunteering, and more. 

They often put everyone and everything else ahead of what they need and want — to the point of self-sacrifice, and sometimes burnout.

They say “Yes” to requests, “Yes” to demands, “Yes” to opportunities.

Why?

They often want to be nice and please people.

They may be flattered by a request and feel obligated to say,“Yes.” 

Sometimes they fear what might be said or done if they respond with a “No.”

It can feel easier and less risky to say, “Yes.”

And, sadly, many yeses are given without considering the implications of accepting that thing.

How a “No.” can be self-loving

Stating the need to give things thought is a perfect first response, rather than replying quickly, even if you are pressed for a quick answer.

It is an act of self-love to take the time to consider what the ask is and the meaning and importance it has for you. Does it align with your values and priorities? 

It is an act of self-love to consider what a “Yes” will entail in terms of time and effort.

It is an act of self-love to look at your calendar to see how adding in the tasks will fit into your life — or not.

It is an act of self-love to be sure you reserve ample time for self-care and things that enrich your spirit.

It is an act of self-love to assess all of those things with care before you give a response. 

And when there are clear indications that this request is not right for you, or not right for you at this time, or your gut tells you there are red flags, it is an act of self-love to reply with a “No.”

Your “No’s” can be expressed with kindness

After expressing appreciation for what was offered or requested of you, you can decline without complicated explanations or excuses. 

You might say something simple and sincere, such as, “I have other commitments that preclude me from being able to take this on/assist you/accept this.”

You might want to practice in advance with a close friend or your coach, to get comfortable with making your statement. You might want to think about some simple, supporting information to provide if you are pressed for more reasons, and you might want to think about suggestions you can offer for other people they might consider, or alternative approaches that could be helpful.

That said, it’s advisable to stand strong in your decision and not allow yourself to be manipulated or pressured.

When you have thought the matter through and are clear that a “No” is best for you, and you do not waver, you are loving yourself in a remarkable way.

That’s a great Valentine’s Day gift you can give yourselve all year long!

And if part of your self-love awareness is that you want to step into boldly igniting your creative power, to live your biggest best life, let’s talk. 

Simple ways to invite fresh inspiration

I am writing from sunny, beautiful Arizona today — where it is 60 degrees warmer than at my home in Boston.

My husband and I have spent two weeks here each winter for several years, and this year I feel especially grateful to be in a new environment for a while.

Change opens your heart

While here, I always mix a lighter work load with time to be outdoors, enjoying walks in a different natural environment. I look forward to exploring great local museums that always offer surprises. My daily pace shifts and my heart opens.

And each year when I return I remind myself that I can introduce change, without having to travel.

It is easy to get into routines that become rote. Looking for things that are new, striking, and shake up your usual patterns of thinking and acting can be done wherever you are!

Look for wonder today

Here are some ideas that might spark some change in your day, your week, your thinking, and how you feel:

• Who might you call to plan an excursion with? Decide on going on a mini adventure together, perhaps to visit an exotic bakery where you can sit and catch up. Maybe you will spend an hour together at a museum to see an exhibit that is intriguing or provocative. Maybe you will walk in nature in a park neither of you has ever been to.
  
  

• Why not get lost on purpose? On your way back from a meeting or errand, turn off your GPS and get off at an unfamiliar exit on the highway. Or make a turn into a part of town you never saw before. Look at architecture, gardens, colors, statues, shops, landscapes. You are sure to make interesting discoveries.
  
  

• Look around in your office or home, and see where there’s a great shadow or soft streak of light that makes something familiar look interesting or beautiful. Light a candle and enjoy the flickering glow. Combine new flavors in your next meal see how they work (or maybe they won’t!). Experiment and play in small ways and see what lights you up.

Inspiration can impact everything you do

When you get inspired and feel a flicker of lifted energy, or you are filled with wonder or excitement, you will naturally bring a fresh point of view to everything you create.

Your can bring curiosity and enthusiasm to conversations.

The ways you do your work, provide services and solutions to clients, and approach challenges will be fueled by your open heart and new ways of thinking.

You will not only spot new opportunities but will see fresh ways to make the most of them.

You will naturally amplify the creative power that is in you!

I would love to hear what happens for you when you invite change and fresh inspiration into your life. 

Afternoon view from my patio

Light on the mountain

Morning sun, sky, landscape!