The rare gift of not having to decide.

Most women I know carry the mental load for everyone around them — the meals, the logistics, the endless small decisions that keep our worlds running. 

We're so used to it that we barely feel the weight anymore.

The consequences of chronic stress are real

When we are so accustomed to a level of stress that it feels normal, or unchangeable, we miss the realization that the ongoing pressure compounds and takes a toll.

It’s often not until the pressure eases that we even realize how heavy it felt, and how it hampered us.

Here’s an example of how one client came to see the toll of her overwrought life.

Feeling overwhelmed, she started by focusing on setting small boundaries to protect her time and energy.

This was new for her, so we looked for an opportunity for her to test a new different approach.

When a committee leader at work expected her to take on additional duties, as she had often said “yes” to in the past, she replied that she would get back to them.

By taking time to think before replying, she clearly determined that this request would entail time she needed to devote to other important work commitments, and would rob her of needed time for personal commitments, too. 

She practiced the way she would respond, as saying “no” felt uncomfortable. 

She then clearly and calmly stated that she had other commitments that precluded her from taking on more at this time.

She was relieved that, without drama, the leader went on to ask someone else.

This opening of a small bit of space, and feeling less pressured, helped her to gently set more boundaries.

And, she realized that the tension of doing too much had been contributing to grinding her teeth at night — something she had been suffering from for several years.

The pain of that chronic habit started to slowly subside, and she was also less irritable.

These benefits were clear signs that making space for her wellbeing mattered.

A sweet way to open space for yourself

One of the things I love about leading retreats is providing a very special way to lift weight off your shoulders.

My retreats are designed for you to have space and time that is clear, special, supportive.

Things are planned and beautiful.

The days have a gentle rhythm. You know where to be and when, and the rest of the time belongs to you.

That space opens your heart and brings insights into the light.

Women tell me afterward that they’d forgotten what it feels like to be cared for that way, to arrive somewhere with nothing to manage and finally hear themselves think.

You deserve that kind of ease far more often than you may allow yourself to have it.

If reading this made you exhale a little, that's worth listening to.

This is exactly the space I’ve built into L’Aventure Française — a week where nothing is yours to manage. The itinerary, the meals, the details, all handled, so your only job is to show up and be present.

If you've been carrying the load for everyone else for a while now, this might be the season to let something carry you. I’d love to have you there.  

The room I didn’t know I needed.

I moved recently, after decades living in the same house. Sorting through years of belongings, I kept finding things I’d held onto without quite knowing why.

The surprise didn’t show up in the packing. 

It was how much lighter I felt once there was room to breathe again. 

My new place is smaller and delightfully bright. I chose to turn a small bedroom into my studio. Having been unable to paint for over six weeks, I could feel myself itching to begin.

Change does that.

It clears a path and then asks what you'd like to put there.

If you're moving through a transition of your own, whether a role you've outgrown or a quiet sense that something wants to shift, you don't have to figure it all out at once. 

Sometimes the first step is making a little space and seeing what shows up.

3 ways to create space and hear your heart

In the midst of a life that is full and often demanding, the thought of carving out space for reflection may sound good, and also feel daunting.

Try one or more of these ways and see what shows up for you.

1. The power of 3 intentional breaths

It may seem unlikely that pausing for 3 breaths can be significant, but give it a try.

Sit in a quiet spot (after you wake up, by closing the door to your office, or on a sidewalk bench).

Close your eyes. Relax your shoulders and your jaw. Maybe put a hand on your heart.

Inhale slowly and feel the air fill your chest and move down into your belly. Then exhale even more slowly.

Repeat 2 more times.

Take a moment to see what shows up for you. Maybe a new insight. Maybe a question. Maybe just feeling more open and relaxed.

2. Download whatever is on your mind

Pull out a journal or pad of paper. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Start writing.

Write whatever is on your mind, questions you are grappling with, emotions you are feeling — or any jumble of thoughts that want to hit the page.

When the timer goes off, sit for a moment.

How do you feel? Has anything new occurred to you, or have any “aha’s” surfaced?

Keep going if you have the urge to, or repeat later if time is short, or simply savor the satisfaction of getting it all out — if that’s how you feel.

3. Get a little silly

Find a moment to do something fun, laugh with someone, or play a bit. Loosening up by feeling free and playful is a great way to open your heart.

You can do it alone or with others. Give it a try and see what shows up for you!

What happens next

When you’ve created a bit of space, don’t push yourself or rush to figure things out.

Feel into what you are called to consider, or the questions that came to mind. 

And if insights show up quickly that you know, deep in your heart, are true, honor them.

Much of my work is about just that — supporting the process of deep discovery, considering where new insight can take you, and moving ahead.

These have been pivotal to the expansion I have experienced in my life, and I am honored to help others expand into what’s true for them.

Take Stock: Your Fall Wellbeing Assessment

Now that we’ve shifted from summer to fall, life has become more hectic for most of us.

How are you feeling?

Do you perceive that time is racing?

How’s your focus?

Do you feel abundant in energy, or more like you are running on fumes?

Take a few minutes to take stock 

As you end your day today I suggest you reflect on the way you feel. 

Are you content, satisfied, eager for tomorrow?

How did time feel during the day?

Reflect on your ability to stay focused. Maybe you felt scattered rather than clear. 

What energy did you feel during the day? Was your outlook positive, enthusiastic, motivated and confident, or did you feel drained, stressed and irritable?

The observations you make can help you make choices — choices to do more of some things, fewer of others, and maybe start doing things differently.

Choose a starting point to make change

I created a simple assessment tool to help you clearly see the way life is for you now. And suggestions are included for making small, gentle changes so that you can live with more joy and satisfaction.

Download my free guide here.

See which suggestion most attracts you. Test it out, and see if you can incorporate the change a few times this week.

When you make even one small change, the impact can be significant.

Then look at other ways to make a small change and see if there’s another to bring into your routine.

Your choices and commitments to yourself to take some intentional action will be the start of a life where you can sit at the end of the day and reflect on feeling spacious, nourished, accomplished and happy. 

You can use your creative power in endless ways. I invite you to start with you and your wellbeing, so that you will have a great foundation for everything you do!

Your heart is asking for space—will you listen?

I am away at a writing retreat this week. It is a gift I have given myself for 3 years — time to be in a beautiful rural place, with a great teacher, and in the company of amazing writers.

This gift of time lets me dive deep into my heart. I allow what is there to pour forth, and have often been surprised at what emerges. 

Sometimes the words flow with ease. Many times I need patience, and I often rework what first lands on the page.

This experience is always revelatory and enriching, no matter how it unfolds.

Do you create space to open your heart?

Do you consider the space you create in your life for peace?

For focus?

For rest?

For things that bring you joy?

I was perpetually busy for years on end. The idea of a week away at a retreat would have sounded impossible to me back then. I now cherish time for expression and wonder — whether at a retreat or in small bits during my week.

Most of us live distracted, hectic lives. 

We miss so much when we live this way. And we pay a steep price for it. I frequently see women buckle under the pressure when the pace of their lives becomes unsustainable.

And that can change.

First, dial down the pressure 

Here are ways to ease the grind:

Get clear about what matters most

When you are clear about what is most important to you, you can set criteria for what you want (and sometimes need) to do.

That clarity enables you to let go of things that do not match your criteria. 

Focus on what you say “yes” and “no” to

It’s time to say “yes” only to things that match your clear standards.

Even what seem like small yeses can add up to a lot of time, focus and energy. Be mindful of each time you choose to add something to your schedule or accept a request. 

Sure, there are many things you could do, and might be happy to do. It is also flattering to be invited to join an effort, or lead an initiative, or be on a board, or participate on a project.

With clarity, discernment and commitment to your wellbeing, you will build comfort in communicating your decisions.

Create more space for things that are currently on your plate that need to stay there

Create systems to simplify and streamline processes. (While I have often not found it easy to create new systems, I have asked for help, and love having systems in place that streamline my efforts.)

Get help when you need it! That help can take many forms. What expertise, or extra pair of hands, will make your life easier and reduce stress or fatigue? 

Consider the opportunities to minimize demands by extending deadlines or reducing your effort.

Next choose ways to light yourself up 

The space you are able to create offers new possibilities.

That space is precious. Even small bits of “white space” on your calendar can be quite meaningful.

Let’s say you are able to open a 15-minute window a few times each week. That’s a great start! Think about what you might do in those openings that will bring you joy.

Maybe you will sit outside and look at the sky.

Maybe you will call someone dear to you and share a laugh.

Maybe you will write a poem, or dream up a plan for an adventure, or research a topic that fascinates you.

Maybe you will choose not to fill the space, and just allow your desires in the moment guide you.

When you create delight in any way your spirit will expand.

And that can change your life more ways than you might imagine.