Your Challenges Can Make You Stronger

All of us have dealt with challenges.

It can feel like everything is going smoothly and we then get blind-sided by an event that seems to come out of nowhere. 

Or, we may have lived through a challenge that seemed endless.

You might be going through a challenge right now, and figuring out how to get past it.

Challenges show up in countless ways

Some are health-related. They can be sudden, can be short-lived, or may impact your life for a long time.

Some are related to work. These may include stress about the possibility of job cuts or the sudden loss of a position; coping with harassment; feeling pressure to reach unrealistic objectives; having to tolerate conditions that take a toll over time.

Personal challenges are often related to family dynamics or relationships. Marriages end. People close to us suffer illness or die. We adjust to parenting. We relocate and create new relationships in new places. We are close to someone who struggles with addiction, or addiction is a personal challenge.

Financial challenges can be the result of our own decisions and actions, those of people close to us, or external economic dynamics.

While there’s no single strategy for navigating life’s challenges or overcoming them, we have all made our way to the other side of challenges in our lives — sometimes muddling through, sometimes having found a straight path.

And once on the other side it can feel great, or far from great.

The other side of challenges

Having made it through a challenge we sometimes celebrate ourselves for having overcome it, or celebrate the the way we moved through it.

That’s a terrific place to find yourself, as it fortifies you with pride as well as confidence about facing future challenges.

And, it’s common to live with regret, shame or bitterness about the event or how we handled ourselves.

At other times we try and forget it happened or the way we showed up, and we aim to simply move on.

Your challenges can be great teachers

Try this brief exercise and see what you learn.

1. Take a moment and recall a challenge you have moved through.

The challenge may have been recent, or something that happened years ago.

2. Identify the primary emotion that comes up as you recall that challenge.

Whether you feel relief, pride, shame, sadness, bitterness or regret, let yourself breathe for a moment and feel the emotion.

3. Whether you feel good, feel pain, or are upset, realize that you have the opportunity to learn from the experience.

Your takeaways may be things you learned in hindsight, or something that you can see now, with fresh perspective.

• Maybe you can see that standing your ground has risks but also benefits.

• Maybe you can see that setting a clear boundary is a key to reaching a good outcome.

• Maybe you can see that asking for help is important and does not signify weakness.

• Maybe you can see that daring to look at what has been uncomfortable opens your eyes to a fresh, clear perspective.

• Maybe you can recognize an old knee-jerk reaction and envision how you can let it go in the future.

• Maybe you can see that you did the best you could, and that was actually a lot.

• Maybe you can see that taking care of yourself in the midst of a challenge makes a huge positive difference.

• Maybe you can see that you are strong and resourceful, even if you are not perfect.

• Maybe you can see how creative thinking helps to resolve problems.

The lessons will help you create your best future 

When you know that you have the capacity to navigate challenges big and small, and that whatever comes your way you can learn from the experience, you are able to face the future feeling resourceful and resilient.

That’s a powerful way to create your best life.

Shifting perspective shifts energy

For most of us, each day is full — there’s work to do, family and friends to interact with, there are time-sensitive matters that arise, and external events compete for our attention.

It is easy to feel scattered, easy to focus on others and local and world events, easy to feel pulled into drama that is not ours.

When this happens to me, as has often been the case lately, I remind myself of a few things. They may be helpful for you.

We each have limited control

While it is tempting to try and control, or fix, or change things that concern us, we can only control ourselves.

We can make suggestions, offer to help, look into resources, and listen with an open heart.

But we cannot control the actions another person or group will take. Nor can we control their emotions.

The key is to stay focused on the control we have:

• for the lens through which we choose to see things

• for the responses we choose to bring to a given situation

• to consider what lesson we can learn

• to consider how a situation is here for us

• to send loving energy to others

• to hold love for ourselves. 

We always have the opportunity to create

Even when tension runs high, it is possible to create a response rather than default to anger, fear, disappointment, anxiety or bitterness.

How?

• Create a few quiet moments to breathe, connect to your heart, and get grounded.

• Create some questions about what other ways you can consider to see the situation.

• Create new thoughts to anchor to, that are supportive and calm.

• Create a new next action to take that serves you and helps, if there is help to offer. 

• Create peace in yourself when you have done the best you can, or at times where you have no opportunity to effect change.

The bottom line

We can each only live our own life. And that is powerful!

There is unlimited potential to harness that power and and there are unlimited ways to use it.

When you take ownership of your thoughts, your responses, and the actions you take, you build strength.

You are a powerful creator of a life that is focused, resilient, and self-loving.

Your strength, in turn, allows you to do the most good, no matter what is happening around you.

And, to reach a state where you can stand in your power in the midst of whatever daily events show up, takes time, practice and patience.

It happens one small step at a time. 

Get through any struggle with these 5 steps

All of us wrestle with things that are tricky to navigate, or find ourselves in situations where communication is challenging, or on paths with obstacles we need to navigate. 

Sometimes there’s a tough decision or choice to be made. Sometimes there is someone in a dynamic with whom we do not see eye-to-eye. Sometimes an important boundary needs to be set and held. 

It is easy to feel engulfed in emotion, indecision, frustration, and even anger. 

Stress mounts, and stress can cloud your thinking. That makes things even harder. Stress can highjack your attention to a degree that you miss out on positive experiences and possibilities. 

Can you relate? 

Maybe something like that is happening right now, or a situation in the past springs to mind. 

As a coach, I support great women as they move through all sorts of challenges. And I, too, face challenges like these. 

Here are steps to take that I use, that may help you move through and forward to minimize struggle.

Follow these 5 steps to get started

1. Make space to pause and think clearly

In stressful situations, it’s tempting to push forward and act on your first impulse. 

When you choose to sit quietly and think, you can aim to consider the situation free of emotion (whether it’s fear, anger, or frustration at another person or the situation). 

You may want to journal, or take a brisk walk to clear your head. 

Can you reframe your take on things, or gain more perspective on all of it? You may want to ask someone to help you see things with keener objectivity.

2. Make a plan

This is the time to chart a course forward.

From a place of calm and greater clarity, perhaps having considered multiple possibilities, you may realize you want help from someone with particular expertise or experience. 

What is the best approach you can determine now? What boundaries and guardrails will be important to put in place? 

Your plan may not be “perfect” or work out smoothly. That’s ok. 

The key is to get things started, knowing you can make adjustments and modifications as events unfold.

3. Take action

With a plan of action in hand, it is time to implement.

Seek out resources you may need. 

When written and/or verbal communication are needed, aim for clarity free of judgement or drama. 

And be aware that as you move forward you may well find yourself returning to steps 1 and 2. (Or, remind yourself that you can use those steps again!)

4. Process your emotions

As noted in item 1 above, a range of emotions can be present at the start of the process, and emotions will continue to be a factor until — and even after — there is resolution. 

Processing your emotions as you move forward is important. Trying to ignore your feelings, or deny them, may seem expedient, but is not advised.

Take time to be with the fear, or frustration, or disappointment, or anger.

• Some people scream into a pillow.

• Some get the emotion out by running or hitting the gym.

• Some pour their emotions onto pages in a journal or onto a canvas in hideous colors.

• Some ask a trusted friend to let them vent. 

Find what works for you and give yourself time to wring it all out. You may need to repeat the process. It is rare that one round does the trick. 

Your objective is to get to a place where the charge is released, your heart feels open, and you can think as calmly and clearly as possible.

5. Stay in the process until it is resolved

It’s easy to initiate a plan, gain some traction and want things to be ”done” before they are, in fact, resolved.

Even if you feel impatient, even if the process is uncomfortable or becomes more uncomfortable over time, stay committed to seeing it through to a point of resolution.  

Be sure to include step 6: Let go!

When you have reached a resolution, whether you feel great, or disappointed, or anything in between, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you worked for the best outcome and did it with integrity. 

And mixed or negative emotions may linger. 

The biggest gift you can give yourself is to let go of any emotions that are not supporting you to be your best, to do your best, and to be as happy as possible. 

Use the suggestions in number 4 above to help yourself, so you do not feel stuck or rehash things in ways that hamper you. 

When you release any lingering emotions that diminish your wellbeing, you make precious space in your life for more goodness and more opportunities. 

And who doesn’t want more of that?

One last thing! There is still a spot available for Live Big Live! this spring. If you have been thinking this could be your time to step into creating your most fulfilling, empowered future, email me and we’ll make a date to talk.