It’s always easy to stay in your comfort zone. It feels safe — and comfortable.

Staying in your comfort zone related to work and career can look like not requesting or applying for an opportunity that will stretch or challenge you. Or it might look like tolerating something such as a toxic culture, or being undervalued.

Your relationship comfort zone might look like not reaching out to connect with someone for fear of rejection. It could mean staying in a relationship with someone who is chronically inconsiderate because you have become dependent on that person or cannot fathom ending the relationship. It could be feeling disappointment or unhappiness with someone over a long period of time, and staying quiet, because you don’t want to — or know how to — have a difficult conversation.

Your comfort zone might keep you staying in a location in spite of drawbacks, because you feel scared to make a change.

It may have been recommended, or you may have a desire to take care of your health in a particular way, and you’ve resisted. Or you may love the idea of trying something new and challenging, such as running a 5K or learning to play a new sport, and instead you sit it out because you don't want to try and fail.

You may have thought about learning something new, like playing an instrument, speaking a new language, or taking a course in a subject that fascinates you, but didn’t move forward because it felt daunting, or you did not want to change your routine to fit it in.

Routines and structures that are familiar feel comfortable. That can be fine in many cases.

And there are other cases where you pay a price for staying comfortable.

Always staying in your comfort zone is a trap

While you can draw on past experience when you stay in your comfort zone, when you always do things the same way in spite of feeling a desire for something new or different (or even having a solid reason to make a change), or you resist doing something you have been curious about or desired, your complacency takes a toll.

You miss out on a lot: growth, progress, possibilities, discoveries, expansion.

And your comfort zone — that can grow when you try new things, learn new things, dare to test and explore, open yourself to new experiences — will not have the opportunity to expand!

Choose one way to expand your comfort zone

Start by observing yourself today. What shows up that’s related to staying in your comfort zone?

Maybe you will notice that

you are in a rut about your lunch routine
you stay quiet when a part of you wants to speak up
you feel excited about an idea and then talk yourself out of pursing it
you shop for a blouse and pick a style or color that you always choose
you spend your evening like you always do, even though it’s a bit boring
you skipped taking a long bike ride with a friend and did extra work instead

When you have observed one or more ways you stayed comfortable or safe, choose one thing on your list to begin to strive to change.

I suggest you consider the least intimidating thing on your list, and make that small thing your focus for bringing a bit of change into your day tomorrow.

Don’t go for making a huge change all at once.

The idea is to start with stretching a little bit beyond your comfort zone at the start, so you can appreciate yourself for a successful effort.

Then take that farther, or bring another thing on your list into your focus for making a small change.

And celebrate yourself for each effort you make!

Remember that when you try something new and it does not go as you’d hoped, or it takes continued practice to achieve, you can make adjustments to your approach. You can get help. Or you can put that aside, try something else on your list, and come back to it.

In time you will be able to take on bolder efforts.

See what happens as you bring change to one way you have stayed in your comfort zone each week, and as you continue to do that for a while.

As you reap the benefits, you are sure to enjoy the process.

You are also likely to see that you will naturally feel good about taking on new things and making bigger changes. And your confidence and self-trust will grow.

That’s a wonderful way to live big!

Share your dreams, a tiny step or two you’re taking, and how it feels. Schedule a chat here.

We are living through a tense, tender time that is full of uncertainty. Most of us feel fear, anxiety and sadness, and are looking for the best ways to cope as events unfold.

About a year ago I wrote a post about choices, and choosing happiness. My point was that we always have choices about how we respond to events and situations. In that post I shared a graphic to help bring awareness to what is in one’s control — and what is not.

This seemed like an excellent time to share that graphic again — this time to support us as so many feel despair and helplessness.

My hope is that by being clear about what we can control, and what is outside of our control, we can take action to support our wellbeing.

You have more agency than you may think

As the graphic below shows, we cannot control the actions of others, what happens around us, or the future.

The first two things we can control, as listed in the graphic, relate to our emotions. And at this time, when emotions are high and often feel hard to manage, there are several ways we can support ourselves.

• Your thoughts and actions

When your thoughts spin down to fear and anxiety, the stress that builds in your system pulls you ever lower.

Rather than living with despair and having that pressure build, you can express the emotions you feel, to release their intensity.

Creating is an excellent outlet for managing emotions of all kinds.

Whether you choose making art (it can be soothing or harsh), dancing, kneading dough to release pent up emotions, or singing loudly in your car, any way to express your difficult emotions through a creative act will be helpful.

Consider the stimuli you choose for your thoughts.

As you may recall, I have shared that last year I stopped listening to news at the start of each day. Instead I choose some music to soothe me, or energize me, or lighten my heart, as I get dressed each morning. I highly recommend this practice!

Actions such as writing in a journal, going for a run or doing yoga, meditating, and keeping a gratitude journal are also great practices to bring into your day. They will impact your thoughts and thus the actions you take.

• What you give your energy to

Rather than allowing your energy to be focused on anger, criticality or bitterness, shifting it to positive actions and thoughts will make a tremendous difference.

When you are intentional about how you exert your energy you will be less likely to slide into negativity and distress.

You can choose to direct your energy toward connecting to people with kind hearts.

You can direct your energy to accomplishing tasks that are meaningful, enriching and inspiring — for you and others.

You can bring loving energy to each interaction, conversation and action you take.

Let’s all live with intention

Whatever is going on in the world, we live each day. When we each live our best lives, contribute our gifts and talents, and lead with love and kindness, we are doing good.

This world needs as much of that goodness as we can collectively offer.

I am listening to John Lennon's Imagine on repeat — to stay inspired and to believe that peace is possible.

You may say I am a dreamer, but I know that I'm not the only one.

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