Even perfectionists can learn to love mistakes

Kintsugi restoration of a broken bowl

Many of us struggle with perfectionism to one degree or another.

I was burdened with a compulsive drive for perfection for much of my life. I strove to make perfect decisions (a topic I wrote about in a recent blog post).

I tried to make everything I wrote or created as perfect as could be.

I struggled to look as perfect as possible, and watched the way I spoke, for fear of being judged as not good enough.

And on it went.

Perfectionism was so much a part of my life that my children teased me about how “picky” I was. It was said with humor, but the fact that young teenagers commented on it is evidence of how much perfectionism showed up in my life.

When I look back now I recall how exhausting it was to constantly struggle for perfection.

The gift of choosing a new way to live

A huge gift for me — that is available to you, too — is one I have enjoyed on my journey of change and growth in the last decade. In short, it’s the feeling of liberation I experienced as I loosened my grip on perfectionism.

You can begin to shift away from perfectionism by practicing Self-Love. Self-Love is a fascinating a topic that I write and speak about often, and about which I created a short guide, that you can download for free.

The guide will also help you understand the role of perfectionism as one of a number of ways your Self-Critic attempts to sabotage you. You will get an array of suggestions to start freeing yourself from the restraints of your Self-Critic.

Having brought an awareness to how harmful perfectionism was for me, and practicing ways to release it, I am now able to celebrate the “good” without experiencing the anxiety of aiming for “perfect.”

I allow myself to explore and experiment with ease. And I appreciate the gifts of creating and exploring no matter what the outcomes are. I’ve embraced the realization that even “failures” offer wonderful opportunities.

Letting go of the tension associated with perfectionism has been a gift that has kept on giving!

Magic can show up when you make mistakes!

When you chose to feel free and try new things without fear of less-than-stellar outcomes, magic can happen.

Things that seemed like “mistakes” to me before have often lead to marvelous end results.

And looking back I see that I often did not have the experience of enough “mistakes.” My fear of trying new things because I was preoccupied about them falling short of my idealized standards, kept “mistakes” from happening that might have become breakthroughs.

When you start without aiming for perfection, you, too, will find your mind and your heart opening up to lots of ideas and possibilities. These ideas will feel ripe for testing and exploration, and you can choose those that you want to play with.

It’s in the process of trying new things without fear that we learn and discover.

We learn what works and what doesn’t (the “mistakes”), and in many situations we discover surprises of all sorts. You can then follow the surprises and find solutions or results that may go far beyond what would have been possible had you not felt free enough to test and play with them.

You might even fall in love with imperfection

When you allow yourself to embrace it all without feeling that everything must always be perfect, you see the world differently. You see possibilities and appreciate beauty where you once would have seen mistakes or brokenness.

You may be familiar with the marvelous Japanese art of Kintsugi, which is an ancient practice of restoring things that are broken and celebrating the fractures by highlighting them with gold.

Check out this lovely BBC video to see how Kintsugi is made, and the magnificent outcomes of this art.

Then consider the possibilities in your own life, to create magnificently — even from fragments of past imperfection.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Getting lost on purpose

Life is super busy for most of us. I hope that you are slowing down a bit this summer.

Taking a real vacation is rejuvenating and important. Sadly, many of us feel so much pressure to work and accomplish that we don’t make vacations a priority, and entrepreneurs and consultants are most likely to work without a break. Without taking time for ourselves — for rest, relaxation, to do nothing, to simply play and have fun — we hurt ourselves.

What about you? Have you already taken some time off to enjoy the summer? Are you looking forward to an upcoming vacation before the fall season arrives?

And, here’s another question: Are you making the most of the summer season even when you are not getting away? Are you slowing the hectic pace a bit and finding ways to live with less stress even before or after a vacation? 

I am often asked about how to cope with the grind of work and the pressure of fitting in personal time and self-care amidst a demanding work schedule. This is a universal challenge in our culture.

There is a lot of advice we hear for coping with the physically — and emotionally — challenging problem of overwork and stress. And, I don’t disagree that things like meditating in the morning, or getting to the gym for a workout, or sinking into a warm bath at the end of a long day are great suggestions.

But I have another idea to share that you may never have heard about. It does not require a lot of time and it’s free. What could be better than that combination to easily take some stress out of your life?

I urge you to try getting lost on purpose
Why? Because when you let yourself wander without an agenda, without knowing what you will find, you are open to surprise. And open to delight. And open to unexpected wonder. Letting yourself be spontaneous and open to whatever you may discover, and delighting in the surprises (even if you come across something like a decaying old factory rather than a scenic babbling brook), fires up your brain. It inspires you and prompts you to think differently. It ignites creativity and opens you to new possibilities.

Ready to give it a try?

Find a natural time to get lost
If you are driving home after a meeting or after running errands, why not allow yourself a few minutes to explore? Purposely turn off the road into an area you have never been. It can be an exit from the highway you have never used, or you might go down a street near your home or office you that you’ve never driven on. 

Turn off your GPS! 
This is a time to follow your nose and see what’s around you. You may find yourself on a country road that is peaceful and beautiful. You may see architecture you did not expect in the area — like a modern house or a historic home painted in unusual colors. You may be shocked at the way an area has become overdeveloped or run down. You may come across an impressive mural. You may see gardens full of exotic plants.

You may find a tucked-away little park, like I did within a mile of my home, that I never knew existed. When you find yourself in an interesting place, get out of your car and explore on foot. Sit down on a bench and look around. It may be a place you’ve never been or someplace you have driven past a hundred times without stopping. 

It’s really fun to walk in a place you think you know and let yourself wander aimlessly. Look at what's around you with open eyes. You may read the plaque on statue of a man on a horse and learn something fascinating. You may wander through a church graveyard and marvel at beautiful headstones that go back to the 17th century. You may feel inspired to pull out your phone and take some photos of the wonder around you

Share your experiences
When you are excited about new experiences and discoveries, it’s great to share them. Social media sharing has become a ritual for many people, so why not share your micro-vacation that way, just like you would a week at the beach? And I urge you to share your experiences with family and friends — in real-life conversations. When you speak about what happened, you may find that new levels of insight emerge.

These short excursions are like taking mini-vacations — they will lift your spirits and refresh your thinking. You are likely to find that great new ideas come to you as you explore, much the way ideas often come like “magic” when you are in the shower. That’s because you are allowing your overactive brain a little time to be relaxed and just play. And you will have given yourself a little gift — the gift of time just for you with no agenda.

Many of my clients have tried this little idea and have reported back that getting lost on purpose was wonderful. They report that the peace and pleasure of their short excursions have a big positive impact on the rest of their day, and opened up their thinking in surprising ways.

So, why not give yourself this little gift? This is a simple way to de-stress and inspire yourself, any time you are out and about.

If you want to share your experiences, add a comment below. I would love to hear what getting lost on purpose was like for you.

New experiences open your heart

I was fortunate to spend a week in Scottsdale, Arizona last week and had the chance to rest and enjoy a new environment. Especially in times that are fast-changing and challenging, my time away was restorative.

What was so meaningful for me? Having time to share with my husband without the usually busyness of our daily life at home. Deep conversations over meals and while walking were easy when we had mental space and fewer distractions. Being in a warmer climate was a treat. Having time to read and see some excellent films (Lion and Hidden Figures were both outstanding) was special, as was a stimulating museum visit. And, we went to the Women's March in Phoenix, where we were inspired and happy to be with tens of thousands of like-minded people who were passionate about maintaining American values, tolerance, and justice.

And, we explored the natural environment that is so different from our New England landscape. Being out in the fresh air, to take in the natural beauty and wide vistas, was spectacular.

We returned from our week away feeling restored and inspired. Travel is magical that way. But even when travel is not an option, there are always opportunities to get out into nature, visit galleries, take in a film or concert, and get creative in any number of ways. All of these open us up to new ways of seeing, new ways of thinking, new perspectives and new ideas.

Because we all need to look for ways to bring fresh thinking into our lives — not just when we travel, but every day. When we look for ways to play, when we seek out experiences that will introduce surprise, and when we intentionally aim to shake up our usual thinking, we see new possibilities. We get inspired. We feel less stuck. We find ourselves amazed at what we can create in our lives — and at how we can impact the world.

What fresh experiences can you seek out to open your heart and expand your thinking?

White Tank Mountain Regional Park is a fabulous place to hike. These are all images I shot on the Waterfall trail.