What if easing up helped you shine brighter?

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It’s easy to be hard on yourself.

I certainly was for most of my life. And I still sometimes slide into feeling like I am not doing enough, or not doing things well enough.

Fortunately, I came to realize that my old ideas about what it meant to “do enough” and to be “good enough” were way out of whack.

Maybe yours are, too.

Why we’re so tough on ourselves

Many smart women feel relentlessly driven to achieve.

Some were raised with expectations to be perfect, and regularly heard questions like, “Why did you get an A-, not an A+ on that test?”

Some drive themselves hard because they felt (and feel) that they need to prove themselves.

Why?

Sometimes there were low expectations of their capabilities, or they were not seen for who they were and all that was possible for them.

Other times the drive was rooted in competition with high achievers or uber-talented people, or greatness was expected of an older, or male sibling, and not them.

Whatever the reason, the self-imposed pressure for perfection is exhausting. It’s also counter-productive.

The harder we drive ourselves, the harder it is to truly shine.

Unrealistic standards can pummel you

The unrelenting physical and mental energy that’s expended in an effort to excel takes a greater toll than you may realize.

It can lead to a host of problems, including:

  • anxiety

  • chronic stress

  • strained relationships

  • feeling deeply dissatisfied

  • low self-esteem

  • exhaustion

  • insomnia

  • a lack of joy (even when things go well)

  • burnout

Over time, these problems build and the toll gets harder to tolerate.

Progress beats perfection!

One of the best pieces of wisdom I was gifted was “Great is the enemy of good.” That was years ago.

At the time I was consumed with making my first website, for my design firm, “perfect” before launching it. As I toiled, months rolled by.

I wrote and rewrote sections. I obsessed over the site organization, and had my team repeatedly replace images that needed to be “better.”

All the while, people who might have learned about our work found nothing about it when they searched online.

The idea that launching a good site was a better idea than delaying to launch a perfect site astounded me.

And I could not find an argument to counter the suggestion!

Ultimately, what really amazed me was the feedback my “not really good enough” website received. People heaped praise on it and we connected to new clients.

And, best of all, I started to ease up on myself.

Not to lower my standards, but to accept that perfect is impossible to achieve.

To embrace that I could continually tweak and make improvements to almost anything.

And to intentionally create space for things that bring me joy and inspire me, space for my own creative expression, and space to focus on my health.

All of which has helped me to spaciously do more of what feels deeply meaningful.

I invite you to explore what’s possible for you by easing up. I cannot wait to see all the ways you will shine.