Free Yourself From Mental Blocks

I think a lot about thinking — particularly about the power of our thoughts.

When any of us worries, feels insecure, or is doubtful, we tend to think about the external causes for those uncomfortable feelings.

We worry about things like our bank balance, we feel insecure about a relationship, we doubt our ability to meet someone’s expectation. We easily default to feeling fear and scarcity, And we point to reasons those thoughts are reasonable or justified.

The truth is that no matter what is going on externally, it’s your mindset that’s the key to the way you think about and respond to everything — the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Your thoughts can pull you down — or lift you up

When you tune in to the power of your mindset, the lens through which you chose to see the world, you can begin to choose your thoughts.

You have the opportunity to look at the old, ingrained thinking that has long kept your thoughts running in a specific way. And with that awareness, you can actively start considering the same situations differently.

For instance, with some focus, you can identify old stories you grew to believe, that drive thoughts that get in your way.

You stories and beliefs might be like some of these:

• You have to mind every cent you spend, because money is hard to earn and hard to keep

• You have to work really hard to prove that you are smart enough or talented enough.

• The world is unfair.

• Only having many degrees and certifications will prove you are smart.

When you continue operating without awareness that stories like these are coloring your outlook — or running the show — you are at the mercy of your thoughts.

The good news is that you have the power to begin to think differently.

How to start shifting stuck thinking

To begin to change old engrained ways of thinking, first identify the stories and beliefs that have been on automatic pilot in your head.

Pull out a journal and start jotting notes.

• Recall what you always heard a parent say about money.

• What did they say about love?

• What were their warnings about the world?

• Did they teach you you had to sacrifice yourself for other’s wellbeing?

• Did they judge your looks, your intelligence, your quietness or brashness?

• How about what you heard from teachers?

• Did a sports coach impart a way of thinking that has limited you?

See what shows up on the page. 

Then choose ONE thing to consciously be aware of for the next few days.

Spot when that belief or story shows up. (And congratulate yourself each time you spot it!)

Once you have noticed it, choose to consider the situation, in that moment, as if that old belief were not there. 

As you gently practice reconsidering and reframing a situation (like moving your thoughts from scarcity to abundance, or from feeling shame to ease —or even confidence), you will be making important mindset shifts.

Stay with it and watch how your life changes

Having made one limiting belief your focus for a while, you can begin to bring awareness to other old limiting beliefs you recalled in your notes.

The key is to be patient with yourself as you spot and reframe. You are doing deep inside work, and it takes time.

Thoughts that have been embedded for years will not disappear in a flash.

And, they will shift with consistent awareness and conscious efforts to see the world in a new light.

When you consistently believe in the real you — the woman who is remarkable in so many ways — without the doubts and fears that had been in your way, you will notice how much easier it is to move through each day.

You will relish feeling freer. Things will move more smoothly and be easier. You will naturally feel happier.

And if you want a guide to help you let go of old entrenched beliefs, book time for a call with with me here.

I’ll be happy to chat with you.

The stories we tell ourselves

I am delighted to say that I have made a great recovery following my surgery in July. This was a challenging life experience, but one that taught me many lessons. I hope that some of what I’ve learned will suggest some fresh thinking for you.

In addition to my recent observations related to the energy expended on physical exertion compared to mental/intellectual activity, I have been thinking about three other lessons I’ve learned or reflected on this summer, and where my pre-conceived, limiting ideas were rooted.

Asking for and receiving help is important.

Even when faced with a health challenge, as I was, it was not easy to reach out for help — and it was sometimes hard to graciously receive help. So, when we are dealing with our everyday lives, with no extenuating circumstances, asking for and accepting help can be an even bigger issue.

I realized several years back that I had trouble asking for help. And accepting help when it was offered did not feel great either. I was stubbornly committed to doing everything myself. Why? It was a family “script” that I had adopted that said there was something wrong with me if I needed help. The script said that I should be able to figure everything out myself — and if I couldn’t or if I struggled, it indicated that I was not smart enough or hadn’t worked hard enough. By the time I realized how much I’d have benefited from reaching out for help sooner, I had suffered much more than I needed to — not to mention having lost opportunities for accomplishing even more. It took some getting used to, but learning this lesson has proven to be very important.

The myth of needing to be a lone warrior is damaging! Asking for help and support carries no shame. And learning to receive help with grace is an significant part of personal growth. I’ve learned to not only give with a full heart, I also ask for help, and receive help with gratitude.

I no longer believe that grinding away at hard work is the key to achieving great outcomes.

This is a common belief in our culture, that emphasizes hard work and long hours. It’s a badge of honor for people to boast about how little sleep they need! So, whether this is a script that is rooted in childhood or not, it’s a story many of us have readily adopted.

What I’ve learned over time, and have realized even more keenly this summer, is that success comes when we work smart more than work hard. What does that mean? When we take care of our precious physical bodies, getting enough rest and nourishment, and when we create time to move (on walks, in a yoga class, swimming, etc.), we work with more focus. When we slow down, think, and stop reacting, we can create the paths forward that are best for us. We actually get more done with less exertion. And, yes, when we also reach out for help so that we focus on the work that only we can do (letting others create systems for us, letting others take on tasks that can be delegated), we work less hard and work smarter. And best of all, we reap the benefit of having energy left to enjoy life apart from our work.

The answers are in each of us.

This lesson has become clearer and clearer over time. Instead of doubting myself, or looking to “experts” for answers, I’ve learned that I hold the answers to my most important questions. This lesson took a long time to learn, and to trust.

It used to feel overwhelming to sort through the whirlwind of thoughts in my head. I was sure that others had figured it all out, if only I could find the right book or the perfect on-line guru. This is not to say that there isn’t a lot to learn from great books and teachers. But I have learned that MY answers to MY deep questions are in me — they always were there, and they always are there. I now know that my creativity is boundless and my internal compass is sure, and I know they guide me wisely. What I needed were good tools to connect me to my intuition and to finding my answers. I needed good people to teach me about the tools and how to use them. (My coach provided both great tools and supportive teaching.) And, I needed to practice using them, to integrate them into the fabric of my life.

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Do these issues resonate for you?
Do other issues come to mind that connect to stories that limit you?
What have you learned that has been significant to your personal growth?

I’d be glad to hear about the matters that continue to be challenges for you — because we are always on a path of reaching new heights in life, and mastering our challenges is the way that happens.