Remembering, one year later

It is one year to the day since the Boston Marathon bombings occurred. After enjoying several lovely spring days, much like that day was last year, today it is stormy and bleak. It feels like nature is responding to our collective grief and pain.

The radio has been filling the airwaves with stories about the terrible events on this day last year and the amazing bravery and heroism of countless people. We’re hearing stories about the victims and about those who did so much to help, in small and enormous ways.

I sit here with a sad heart but am grateful for the tenderness of this day, too. The people of this city have supported each other and loved each other. To me, love is what has made the difference. It has been stronger than fear or anger. It has brought us together and made us better.

Last year I wrote in the aftermath of Marathon bombings. I said that President Obama’s message to choose love had become a sort of mantra for me, and a way to focus my thoughts for positive energy. 

I continue to believe in the power of love. Let’s all spread wishes for love and peace to prevail, here in Boston and everywhere.

Thoughts about love on Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love is the focus of the day and I want to share some thoughts on the ways that love and creativity are closely related.

The power of love is legendary. Thinking about love in terms of the people who love us and those we love comes naturally. But few of us think about self-love, which is crucial for our happiness, our relationships, and as a foundation for creativity of all kinds.

A common misconception is that it’s selfish to think about loving yourself, but self-love is neither narcissistic nor selfish. It’s healthy and wonderful to make yourself a priority and love yourself, in much the way that you feel warm, excited, adoring feelings when you think of a person you dearly love. These are feelings of delight that you can cultivate for yourself.

Fall in love with yourself! Just as you want to give gifts to people you love, give yourself gifts. You deserve them. Give yourself time to do things you love. Give yourself the treat of popping in to a shop that delights you. Take a trip to someplace you've longed to visit. If you are busily doing only for others, you're neglecting yourself. And, when you put yourself last, you cannot give as much to others.

Self-love is also about forgiving yourself and accepting yourself. Most of us are much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else. That's the sign of a harsh self-critic, and for some, a self-critic that's out of control. Healthy, robust self-love is the antidote.

Cultivating self-love fuels a happy life. And, self-love is a key foundation of creativity. When self-love is missing the self-critic has free reign and creativity is stifled. Nobody can feel free to experiment, play, create, make mistakes and move on from from them, try out new ways to express themselves or find novel ways to solve problems when that self-critical voice is putting you down (and often making you afraid to even try). Do you see how this works? How self-love is the antidote to the negativity that hampers us and limits our potential?

I hope that this Valentine’s Day will be a celebration of vibrant love — for those dearest to you and for yourself.

Injecting small doses of creativity into a busy life

We’re all busy — whether we work full time in a company, work independently as a freelancer or consultant, if we manage a family, or are looking for work opportunities. Add to that an array of non-work commitments — to community, to political or social causes, to taking care of your health, and more — and it’s easy to feel like there’s not a free moment in the day.

When we look around and see so many people living that way, too, we start to think it’s normal and right. You may think, “Why can’t I do it all and not feel stretched to the breaking point?” Or, you may be aware that it’s too much, yet realize you’re habituated to the intense pace of life and being overcommitted.

All of this busy-ness leaves you starved. Starved of time for thought and reflection. Starved of time to care for your body and soul. Starved of time for fun and refueling. Starved for adequate sleep. Starved for time with people who matter. We’ve all read a lot about stress and the damage it causes. The question is what to do to decrease stress and “feed” yourself so you correct for the malnourishment.

I’m happy to tell you that injecting very small does of creativity into your busy life can have a terrific impact. You may be surprised to hear about some ways this can work.

Take a 2- to 5-minute break once or twice a day. Use that snippet of time to look at the sky. Or, stop and people-watch on a bench. Or, close your eyes, relax your muscles (from the top of your head, to all of your face, down to your shoulders and through your entire body) and then take several long, slow breaths. Exhale slowly and fully. Taking any of these breaks will shift your brain waves from Beta (active alert thinking) to Alpha — when you’re still awake and lucid, but are much more relaxed.

When you get your brain into an Alpha state, using my suggestions or many others you can come up with, your right brain can take over from the left brain (which is used to doing, planning, thinking in linear ways, and being in charge). The right brain can and will access and use some left-brain ideas, but it will do so in new and more innovative ways. And, it's the Alpha stage that brings up new ideas while you shower, or walk the dog — great ideas that seem to spring from nowhere.

Surprise yourself. This is another way to get your right brain activated, and can also be done during short breaks. On your ride back from a meeting, take a turn into a neighborhood you don’t know and see what the houses, shops and gardens look like before you return to your route. At mid-day, head in a different direction than usual and see if there’s a new restaurant/lunch truck/market that offers new options for lunch. Cultivate curiosity and see where it leads you as you stop to run an errand or make plans for your weekend.

Inject play into your life. Get down on the floor with kids and immerse yourself in their play for a few minutes — rather than being an observer — and remember what that feels like. Find ways to be silly. Try putting a basket of small colorful toys on the conference room table and enjoy them before the start of a meeting. Hang something delightful on your bulletin board that brings a smile to you face. Play also changes your brain waves. It lets creativity happen naturally.

The more often you take these breaks and make these shifts, the more you’ll feel refreshed, relaxed and better all around when you get back to your scheduled activities. You’ll see that even these small efforts, when they become routine for you, will lead to having more creative, fresh thoughts that will brighten your life. And, you'll observe that, paradoxically, slowing down and reaping renewed energy and creative thinking will make you more productive. That's a real bouns!

You may even find yourself consciously building some “white space” into your schedule as you plan future appointments and tasks. Try it! See how building small spaces into your life will reap big rewards.

Can we just slow down?

What is all the to-do about at this time of year? Why do we get so frantic? Maybe it’s easy for me to question since I do not celebrate Christmas — and Hanukkah (a much more minor holiday) came so early this year. Still, the social calendar is crowded, gifts need to be purchased or made for many people in our lives, there's often some traveling coming up (to be with family or take a vacation), and I cannot think of anyone who is not frazzled.

I believe that slowing down is always important. It provides space to breath, to feel, to let ideas emerge, to experience life more fully. And never is it more important to do all of that than now. In the midst of this cold and hectic season, make time for yourself. Sit and sip some wonderful tea. Step away from your desk and look out the window (there's gentle snow falling outside of mine at the moment). Send a quick note to someone you care about to tell them you're thinking of them. Create a quick 4-line poem about what you're feeling right now.

Taking a few minutes for yourself will change your whole day. Do it every day and magic happens.

Wishing you joy and relaxation, now and always.

Reflections and Gratitude

With Thanksgiving coming up on Thursday, everyone I speak to seams to be hurrying to fit a week’s worth of work into three days. People are cooking and have lots more cooking to do. Many are facing car and air travel that will surely be stressful. Hanukkah shopping and preparation is another challenge for many of us, as that holiday starts so very early this year, overlapping with Thanksgiving. In all of the rushing it’s easy to lose sight of the meaning and importance of the Thanksgiving holiday.

Can we all just push the pause button and refect for a few minutes? Can we give ourselves a short and meaningful break from the hustle and bustle? Try this — I promise it will take one minute and give you lots in return.

Close your eyes, relax your shoulders and lower jaw and slowly draw in a deep, full breath. Then, slowly exhale. Make it a long and complete exhale. Repeat. Open your eyes and smile.

That’s it. A moment for yourself. A gift. A snippet of time to refresh your body and your mind.

And, if you can spare another three to five minutes, make a list of at least 12 things for which you are grateful. Beyond the things that come quickly to mind, see what you find in your heart. Maybe you’ll want to make a new list every day this week and see what comes up for you. You can use these simple practices often to bring light into your life. That's what happens when you take a little time to care for yourself and focus on the truly important things that bring you joy.

As I reflect on the past year and all that fills me with deep gratitude, I wish you a joyous holiday, safe travels, love and abundant creativity.