Even perfectionists can learn to love mistakes

Kintsugi restoration of a broken bowl

Many of us struggle with perfectionism to one degree or another.

I was burdened with a compulsive drive for perfection for much of my life. I strove to make perfect decisions (a topic I wrote about in a recent blog post).

I tried to make everything I wrote or created as perfect as could be.

I struggled to look as perfect as possible, and watched the way I spoke, for fear of being judged as not good enough.

And on it went.

Perfectionism was so much a part of my life that my children teased me about how “picky” I was. It was said with humor, but the fact that young teenagers commented on it is evidence of how much perfectionism showed up in my life.

When I look back now I recall how exhausting it was to constantly struggle for perfection.

The gift of choosing a new way to live

A huge gift for me — that is available to you, too — is one I have enjoyed on my journey of change and growth in the last decade. In short, it’s the feeling of liberation I experienced as I loosened my grip on perfectionism.

You can begin to shift away from perfectionism by practicing Self-Love. Self-Love is a fascinating a topic that I write and speak about often, and about which I created a short guide, that you can download for free.

The guide will also help you understand the role of perfectionism as one of a number of ways your Self-Critic attempts to sabotage you. You will get an array of suggestions to start freeing yourself from the restraints of your Self-Critic.

Having brought an awareness to how harmful perfectionism was for me, and practicing ways to release it, I am now able to celebrate the “good” without experiencing the anxiety of aiming for “perfect.”

I allow myself to explore and experiment with ease. And I appreciate the gifts of creating and exploring no matter what the outcomes are. I’ve embraced the realization that even “failures” offer wonderful opportunities.

Letting go of the tension associated with perfectionism has been a gift that has kept on giving!

Magic can show up when you make mistakes!

When you chose to feel free and try new things without fear of less-than-stellar outcomes, magic can happen.

Things that seemed like “mistakes” to me before have often lead to marvelous end results.

And looking back I see that I often did not have the experience of enough “mistakes.” My fear of trying new things because I was preoccupied about them falling short of my idealized standards, kept “mistakes” from happening that might have become breakthroughs.

When you start without aiming for perfection, you, too, will find your mind and your heart opening up to lots of ideas and possibilities. These ideas will feel ripe for testing and exploration, and you can choose those that you want to play with.

It’s in the process of trying new things without fear that we learn and discover.

We learn what works and what doesn’t (the “mistakes”), and in many situations we discover surprises of all sorts. You can then follow the surprises and find solutions or results that may go far beyond what would have been possible had you not felt free enough to test and play with them.

You might even fall in love with imperfection

When you allow yourself to embrace it all without feeling that everything must always be perfect, you see the world differently. You see possibilities and appreciate beauty where you once would have seen mistakes or brokenness.

You may be familiar with the marvelous Japanese art of Kintsugi, which is an ancient practice of restoring things that are broken and celebrating the fractures by highlighting them with gold.

Check out this lovely BBC video to see how Kintsugi is made, and the magnificent outcomes of this art.

Then consider the possibilities in your own life, to create magnificently — even from fragments of past imperfection.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Injecting small doses of creativity into a busy life

We’re all busy — whether we work full time in a company, work independently as a freelancer or consultant, if we manage a family, or are looking for work opportunities. Add to that an array of non-work commitments — to community, to political or social causes, to taking care of your health, and more — and it’s easy to feel like there’s not a free moment in the day.

When we look around and see so many people living that way, too, we start to think it’s normal and right. You may think, “Why can’t I do it all and not feel stretched to the breaking point?” Or, you may be aware that it’s too much, yet realize you’re habituated to the intense pace of life and being overcommitted.

All of this busy-ness leaves you starved. Starved of time for thought and reflection. Starved of time to care for your body and soul. Starved of time for fun and refueling. Starved for adequate sleep. Starved for time with people who matter. We’ve all read a lot about stress and the damage it causes. The question is what to do to decrease stress and “feed” yourself so you correct for the malnourishment.

I’m happy to tell you that injecting very small does of creativity into your busy life can have a terrific impact. You may be surprised to hear about some ways this can work.

Take a 2- to 5-minute break once or twice a day. Use that snippet of time to look at the sky. Or, stop and people-watch on a bench. Or, close your eyes, relax your muscles (from the top of your head, to all of your face, down to your shoulders and through your entire body) and then take several long, slow breaths. Exhale slowly and fully. Taking any of these breaks will shift your brain waves from Beta (active alert thinking) to Alpha — when you’re still awake and lucid, but are much more relaxed.

When you get your brain into an Alpha state, using my suggestions or many others you can come up with, your right brain can take over from the left brain (which is used to doing, planning, thinking in linear ways, and being in charge). The right brain can and will access and use some left-brain ideas, but it will do so in new and more innovative ways. And, it's the Alpha stage that brings up new ideas while you shower, or walk the dog — great ideas that seem to spring from nowhere.

Surprise yourself. This is another way to get your right brain activated, and can also be done during short breaks. On your ride back from a meeting, take a turn into a neighborhood you don’t know and see what the houses, shops and gardens look like before you return to your route. At mid-day, head in a different direction than usual and see if there’s a new restaurant/lunch truck/market that offers new options for lunch. Cultivate curiosity and see where it leads you as you stop to run an errand or make plans for your weekend.

Inject play into your life. Get down on the floor with kids and immerse yourself in their play for a few minutes — rather than being an observer — and remember what that feels like. Find ways to be silly. Try putting a basket of small colorful toys on the conference room table and enjoy them before the start of a meeting. Hang something delightful on your bulletin board that brings a smile to you face. Play also changes your brain waves. It lets creativity happen naturally.

The more often you take these breaks and make these shifts, the more you’ll feel refreshed, relaxed and better all around when you get back to your scheduled activities. You’ll see that even these small efforts, when they become routine for you, will lead to having more creative, fresh thoughts that will brighten your life. And, you'll observe that, paradoxically, slowing down and reaping renewed energy and creative thinking will make you more productive. That's a real bouns!

You may even find yourself consciously building some “white space” into your schedule as you plan future appointments and tasks. Try it! See how building small spaces into your life will reap big rewards.