Do you struggle when making decisions?

Do you dither?

It can be challenging to be decisive. Even the smartest people can find it hard to make decisions — chronically or sporadically.

I recall this challenge myself, years back, when I owned my design firm. I was asked by my team to please make faster decisions!

I was aware of taking my time to be sure I was thinking things through carefully, but had no idea that my slow decision-making was a problem for my team. I was holding them up.

They assured me that even if I made an “imperfect” decision, they would be fine moving ahead and we could course-correct if needed.

Did it sting to hear that? It did a little. Was it helpful to hear it? Yes!

Why it can be hard to make decisions

In my case, indecisiveness was rooted in perfectionism.

I had a deep-seated belief that I had to be perfect — and perfectionism is a powerful way the self-critic loves to show up to sabotage us. (You can read more about perfectionism and what to do about it here.)

I came to realized that I thought there had to be a perfect solution in response to any question or choice. Thus, deep down I felt that every decision I made had to be perfect.

Overly-deliberating about decisions was just one of many ways that perfectionism got in my way in those days! I was not conscious of it then, but it became clear that perfectionism was the underlying driver of my indecisiveness.

Fear — of failure, of conflict, of judgement, and more — is another cause of indecisiveness.

Fear is another huge way the self-critic steps in to limit us.

(You can learn about the self-critic, and the role of self-love to cope with the many ways the self-critic shows up, in the free guide I offer as a gift in my book.)

Fear of failure is incredibly common, and it’s a close cousin of perfectionism.

Many people fear making decisions because their decision may rock the boat and cause conflict. Or they fear that others will criticize their choice.

Some fear feeling remorse for a decision.

Fears like these can prompt people to push off making any decision at all.

Perhaps you are an over-thinker.

Some people believe they must think everything through from every possible vantage point. And there are times when it is wise to be very thorough in reviewing a matter.

However, over-thinking can become a habit and a crutch. It is often an indicator that procrastination is at play (and procrastination is yet another way the self-critic steps in to get in our way). 

Anxiety or depression may be making it hard for you to make decisions.

Anxiety and depression can make it very difficult for people to make decisions. The need to make decisions can make them feel overwhelmed. 

How I made faster decisions with less stress

The insight that I was holding others up by being indecisive, and hearing that they welcomed me to make faster decisions without assurance that my decisions would all be perfect (which is, of course, impossible to predict) freed me. 

I was able to trust myself to make decisions. I had “permission” to refine and make changes from that point forward.

It was a game-changer for me!

It opened the way for me to think expansively about what was possible, listen to my intuition, and make faster decisions.

I came to appreciate that I could continue to modify and create next steps as we moved forward.

Decisions that had felt so monumental began to look like steps along a path that was ongoing and full of possibility.

Adopting this approach can work similarly if fear is the factor that drives indecision, or over-thinking and procrastination are the root cause.

If you are aware that anxiety or depression are factors for you, I suggest you talk about that with a counselor, therapist or another medical professional.

What decisions are you making now?

As the world is opening up now, we have many new opportunities and many of us face making decisions of all sorts.

This can be exciting, or can bring on a sense of overwhelm. 

I urge you to try and approach making decisions with a new frame of mind, much as I learned to do. 

And if you feel called to make decisions now about the future you want to create, I’d be glad to meet with you. The next Live Big Live! starts soon, and it may be a great resource for you at this moment when so much possibility is on the horizon. 

Schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me. There's no obligation or cost for us to talk.

Scheduling this call may prove to be the best decision you make today.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

Use these 3 steps to move from despair to inspiration

Have you stopped to consider that there is nearly always more than one way to look at things?

I have become even more alert to the possibilities of looking at things through a different lens recently, and it has shifted so much for me.

Examples of issues we can look at in new ways, that quickly come to mind, relate to many big tensions in the world around us.

The ongoing pandemic, the political climate as the election nears, deep concerns about environmental change as we see storms and fires fiercer than ever before, and a renewed focus on demanding the end to social and racial injustice are some of the big challenges.

For many people, the sense of overwhelm is huge. And it’s exhausting. 

It’s absolutely normal to feel concerned about such important matters, but there are options and opportunities to rise above the despair.

We get to chose the way we look at things,
and we can chose the way we respond

When we are able to stay calm and clear-headed, we think better. This allows us to stop being reactive. And from that calmer starting point, we can think positively.

We can make better decisions.

When we avoid spinning into despair, the choices we are able to make for what to do next can be more meaningful, and they can have more impact.

As a glass-half-full person, I realize I have an advantage. But anyone can decide to chose the lens through which to look at things.

Here is how you can make a positive shift.

1. Create the best environment for your wellbeing

We create our experiences, and we create our environment.

Things to delete

News cycles and social media feeds can be toxic. They are built to bombard us with sensationalized information and hype.

I am keen to be informed, but I (and many others) have found that going on a “news diet” has worked wonders. A check-in with a source you trust, once or twice a day, is more than enough to keep up with current happenings.

And, limiting social media “rabbit-hole” excursions not only keeps overwhelm down, it gives you the gift of precious time.

Consider, too, the conversations you choose to have. You can establish boundaries with those who focus only on the negative, or worse yet, rant.

Filter out stressful influences like these for a few days and see what happens.

Things to add

We find what we look for and and what we focus on. And, the universe connects us to where we bring our attention, as well.

Here’s a great example.

While writing this article, I took a short break and my husband mentioned that he’d just read a great opinion piece that he thought I would find interesting. (He had no idea that I was writing on this topic!) 

The remarkable New York Times opinion piece, titled, The Outrage Diet, is chock full of inspiring ideas about what to do to limit the impact of all of the fury that is damaging people’s health and wellbeing. 

You can also actively seek out uplifting people and resources. Who do you know who is always inspiring you, or impressing you with fresh and uplifting ideas? What podcasts or writers bring you positive and informative perspectives? 

Brené Brown’s books and her new podcast, Unlocking Us, and Krista Tippett’s On Being site and podcasts, come quickly to mind. I find myself grateful when I choose resources like these.

You may also want to change what you read and watch for entertainment. Choose what will fill you with uplifting energy and inspiration.

And, I always advocate for adding creativity into your life. The more creativity (of any kind) you engage in, the more easily you can bring creative thinking to everything you do.

Which leads to my next recommendation:

2. Reframe whenever possible

If you saw the email I sent on Sunday about my weekly Creators of Change calls, you saw that I shared a remarkable and inspiring reframe for how to view the current political climate, and how we can move forward.

I shared the work of Valerie Kaur, whose TED talk (and the quote I had pulled from it) shifted my view in a dramatic way.

Valerie Kaur’s take on the way we can see — and impact — the world reminded me of another example I heard from a great coach of mine, that goes like this.

If you entered a room and saw a woman in the late stages of labor, you might declare, “There’s a woman in crisis in here!” But if you knew it was a birthing room, you would say, “There’s a woman in labor here.” Same woman, same event, and a different way of relating to and thinking about what you were seeing.

We have many opportunities to reframe. When we consider what is possible, rather than focusing only on what is problematic, we open our minds. We can see positive perspectives and think about positive things to do, rather than feeling stuck in despair.

3. Take action and see things improve

Action is the step that takes you from the starting point of seeing through a new lens to great outcomes.

The New York Times Opinion piece I recommended is chock full of excellent examples of action you can take when you feel overcome by outrage or despair.

Finding action to take to address a concern or improve a troubling situation — even in a small way — is empowering. 

The action can be to dive in and learn more, to reach out to someone, to make a donation, to start a new conversation, to share your ideas (like writing an opinion piece or blog post), and more. Commitment to making things better starts with one small action, and then staying in action.

I also recommend you check out this excellent article, that’s filled with creative ideas for how we can educate high school students in the age of COVID. This is an example of looking at an urgent issue through a new lens. And by adding creative thinking, and suggesting new action, the author has not only enriched us with his great ideas, he may positively impact the lives of vast numbers of students and teachers.

How will you see new possibilities?

What one small change can you make today to create a more positive environment and start seeing challenges in a new light? How can you bring fresh, creative thinking to something on your mind? What action can you take?

If you want to talk about how to bring these suggestions into your life, I invite you to schedule a Live Big Breakthrough Call with me.

I would be delighted to help you gain insight and clarity about changes you are seeking to make, and how you can live a more empowered life. 

I look forward to hearing from you.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.

The big impact of one small thing

Each new week brings change, as life and work slowly evolve.

It may not feel like much is changing, but each small shift — around us and for us — calls on us to adjust anew.

I hear about a range of experiences in my conversations with clients, colleagues and the women on my Saturday Zoom calls.

Some have found a new rhythm that feels great. Some were doing well and then hit a rough spot. Some are anticipating likely changes with their work (positive for some, worrisome for others). Some are initiating significant personal changes.

Wherever you find yourself now, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed at one point or another. Decisions, intentions, options to choose from, opportunities, deadlines — all of these can overwhelm us.

When you feel overwhelmed, try employing this simple yet powerful approach

I recently spoke to a great women who is facing a mountain of things that need to get done. Still healing from a broken arm, she needs to sort through years of belongings and prepare a house for sale. She is also seeking a new apartment. And, she is eager to pursue promising new work opportunities. 

After telling me all of that she started describing her big 5-year vision.

It’s no wonder she reported feeling overwhelmed! 

She was frustrated about not doing “enough,” concerned about getting everything done, and worried about how she’d move toward her beautiful big vision.

As I listened I knew there was a simple suggestion I could make. It has worked for me, and for many of my clients when overwhelm has started to take over.

Focus on doing one thing each day

If you are a “doer” by nature (and perhaps you pride yourself on being a multi-tasker), you may be thinking that such a simple approach is too simple, and will be counter-effective. It sounds like it will make it take longer to get things done. 

Here’s why this works so well.

1. It feels doable.  

It doesn't feel daunting if you just need to chose and take one action as you start your day. 

How often do many of us feel stuck when we feel overwhelmed? Or, we get busy with tasks like doing laundry or scrubbing the sink, or fritter away time in avoidance. Or we jump in frenetically and get splattered, so nothing gets done well. By choosing to do one thing, we can avoid all of these pitfalls.

2. You are focused.  

When one action is all you “need” to do, your attention is not pulled in multiple directions. The results are always better when our attention is fully focused. And the speed with which good things happen when we slow down and focus like this can be impressive.

3. Momentum builds.  

Once you are in action, you feel great and you are are likely to take more action. So, you may continue with that one thing, or shift to a new thing as you keep going.

4. You get a positive emotional hit of accomplishment.  

The feeling of making progress is a huge boost. And when enthusiasm builds, new ideas and more motivation emerge.

5. You set off a positive cycle.  

Good energy keeps things moving, and if you are like the woman I mentioned, you will be delighted at how much is getting accomplished and how great it feels. You, like she, are likely to start each day feeling upbeat and able to move through that one thing — and often more!

We have so much opportunity — today and every day.

Not only can we avail ourselves of opportunities all around us, we can face new challenges as they come up, and we can create in remarkable ways. It all begins with our state of mind.

Just as the woman I described has done, you can harness your energy as you start each day. Focus on one thing, and do it! You are likely to see big results, as she has.

Let me know if this is something you have tried. And if you use this approach for the first time, I’d love to hear how it works for you. Hit reply and let me know. 

Here are 3 ways to get more ideas and more support

1. Check out the growing list of resources and ideas on the Thriving Now page on my website. 

2. Join me for the next Creating Our Way Forward Zoom call on Saturday, May 30 at 3:00pm eastern for an intimate conversation when we will connect, share, and learn new ways to cope, stay inspired, and take action. Register for the next call. 

3. Let’s hop on a Live Big Breakthrough Call and talk about what’s standing between you and your biggest desires. I promise that you will gain insights and value from this call — and if the fit feels good we can talk about what coaching could look like in your life. Schedule your Live Big Breakthrough Call here.

Stay safe and well, and keep creating.